Can adoptive parents stop the adoption before finalization?

Question

First let me say This is not the case with us... this in response to another question

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AjFlE39JfdLpMEkn8sD896Vq.Bd.;_ylv=3?qid=20071019115013AAeUA9f

K... If a person adopts a child and then decides (for whatever reason) they don't want to go forward can it be stopped between the relinquishment and finalization.

If my childs b-mom came to me and said that she had made a horrible mistake (and she was truely able to care for him) I couldn't live with myself to deny her son. It took us 18 months and I knew at any time he may leave us.

As adoptive parents its our responsablilty to love the child unconditionaly and prepare our hearts for the possible loss.

If you were a-parents and this happened to you would you put up a fight or do your best to support the mom?

Answer 1

I know it would be difficult on for all concerned but I the the only thing for adoptive parents to do if they KNEW the mother wanted her child, would be to return the child to his/her mother

Answer 2

Okay. Yes, adoptive parents can stop the adoption process before finalization.

Unfortunately, the child will NOT be automatically returned to the mother. But some families have made this happen.

If the termination of parental rights (TPR) was complete, the mom would most likely have to adopt back her own child.

The problem with this is... in many states, if the adoption is done through an agency, the mom relinquishes her rights and custody actually goes to the AGENCY, and the agency then places with the adoptive family. So if the adoptive parents decided they didn't want to go through with the adoption after TPR was complete, but before finalization, custody would revert back to the agency... and the mom may have to fight the agency to get her child back.

It could be complicated... but it can be done. I know an aparent who's done it.

EDITED TO ADD: Relinquishment periods ARE too short in many states (in my opinion, frankly, in every state they are too short). But what adoptive parents can keep in mind is that the bio parents do not HAVE to sign the termination of rights papers right after birth. Usually there is a 24 hour or 72 hour MINIMUM waiting period, post-birth, and before that time the bio mom can't sign away her rights. But that is a MINIMUM. The adoptive parents can urge bio moms to NOT SIGN for several months after birth... they can take temporary guardianship while she decides... and then several months after birth, she could TPR. This would avoid the problem of too-short revocation periods.

Answer 3

Support the mother.  Plain and simple.  You don't want the guilt of feeling like you stole someone's baby.  The baby isn't yours until the adoption is final.  Its gut wrenching to think of it, but you have to consider the poor woman who is making that decision.  She would be going through a ton of anguish too.

Answer 4

I have to commend whoever this question came from... I placed my Son 2 months ago, I feel that I made a HUGE mistake, not that his aparents aren't wonderful, because they are, but I was rushed in to this by my family and didn't have the time or information to make the right decision. I wish, more than anything that the aparents of my son can see that I'm dying a little bit every day because he is not with me. My oldest daughter is always talking about him and misses him so much even though she only got to see him a few times for a few minutes. I would give anything to have my son back. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all the aparents out there that are able to see how incredibly hard this is on the birth mother and to realize that we, just like everyone else, make mistakes, what seems like a good reason at first later seems so horribly trivial.Thank you again, so very much for having the biggest hearts I've ever seen

Answer 5

I completely agree with Marsha's sentiment, and Florida Gal, this is a question I have really wondered myself as it has come up numerous times in trying to help the huge numbers of women that place and then realize they made a mistake while hormonal and afraid and surrounded by people praising them for their "wonderful gift"

Many adoptive parents, like yourself, have no desire to adopt a child that already has a loving mother, and doesn't NEED adoption.

That is a sign that you will be the best kind of adoptive parent their is! I am really REALLY hoping that someone with knowledge of the legal system can help clarify this, but it's a hard question to answer because the rules on that vary from state to state, and it's a relatively new issue.

The adoptive parents in the past were not in open adoption situations so there was no chance a mother would tell them she thinks she made a mistake before the finilization.

I WISH the adoptive parents would have the power to say, "HEY! Wait a minute this is not the right situation for us to adopt out of, this woman still wants to raise her child, let's not go through with this!!"

They SHOULD have that power.

Sigh.

However... I kind of doubt they do. Mothers often relinquish TO agencies. This means the agency has rights NOT the aparents, should the aparents decline the adoption. So the agency could just send the baby to the next waiting adoptive couple, despite the original mothers cries of protests.

(OUCH! Do you see why some of us are very weary of all the stuff agencies do? They see women wishing to get their children back ALL THE TIME and never warn people!!! how ethical is that??!!)

Once agencies get the rights to the baby, they want to make the money of the placement and to pat themselves on the back for pleasing adoptive parents and rescuing a child from those wretched unwed young mothers.

Sigh, again.

: (

There are some agencies that meander tentatively into attempts at ethics, but when it's said and done, they would rather women place their babies, then help women feel the confidence and support to keep.

And that is yuck!

Answer 6

Give the child back.  Fighting for the child you will just lose because she has the right to change her mind before finalization.

Answer 7

After reading the other question, it sounds like this mother wasn't given any time to make her choice.  This breaks my heart for all that are involved.  Everyone is going to be hurt through this, whatever the outcome.  I don't think that I could keep the baby, even though it would hurt terribly for the adoptive family to return the child.  Very sad for everyone involved, especially the child!

Answer 8

Oh my...I could never live with myself thinking I kept a child and its mother from each other! I could never ever be responsible for that kind of pain to the mother or the child. And what would my child think when he/she someday found their mother and discovered they could've been spared being an adoptee, but weren't because I was so selfish?

We expect mothers to just give up their babies after bonding with them inside their bellies for 9 months and giving birth to them, their flesh and blood, but when an aparent has bonded to their child for a few days or weeks, we think its unthinkable to separate them. Why is that?

Answer 9

I am a birthmom. There are only a couple ways that a birthmom can get a child back. They must submit in writting the agency before her rights are completly given up. In Minnesota I had 10 days to change my mind. Another way is if the birth father did not know about the adoption and came back and wanted his child back. There would then be a custody battle. If the father signed over his rights he has no say in it. Something you must understand is that child is not legally yours until the papers are finalized and the birth mom has signed over her rights. You have to understand from the birthmoms perspective. She is giving HER child up. She is losing a little bit of herself. Some she loves and cares for. This may not always be the case but it was mine. Please take her feelings into consideration. I was lucky and had an open adoption.

Answer 10

I'm afraid I don't understand your question. You're asking if adoptive parents can stop the process, but then you say the birth mother is the one who's changed her mind. The birth mom can stop it if she wants; the adoptive parents wouldn't have to "do it for her". Either party can stop things before it's finalized.

Answer 11

It would be very difficult, but yes, i couldn't deny the birth mother her child, especially been as i know how much it would kill me to not be able to get a child back.

Answer 12

Whether her legal rights as a mother had been completely terminated or not there is not way I could follow through with this if my adoption was not finalized.  No way.

Some states have very short revocation periods and I think that is damaging to everyone involved including the adoptive parents.  I knew for months that the son I was adopting may end up being reunited with his mother and accepted those terms however I adopted internationally and the child is in foster care in country until the entire process is completed.

I think the US would benefit from utilizing interim care for children who are being adopted.  I know it's great and wonderful that a child *can* begin to bond with a potential adoptive family from birth but then we end up with ethical cases like this where someone is going to get their heart ripped out.  The adoptive family would be more prone to doing what is ethically 'right' if they didn't have a bond with that child.

Just my opinion but one I embrace firmly.

Answer 13

WOW!!!  That was my adoptive parents greatest fear...  I commend you for having such a big heart.  This situation really isn't fair to you, the birth mother or the child depending how you feel about it.  All you can do about it is pray and then hopefully your heart will lead in the right direction.  I have adopted before and I know that I could not give my daughter back.  I don't think its selfish of me, I am just looking out for the best interest of my daughter.  Your child needs stability.  Not to be in limbo.  I don't know.  Are you the only parents that the child knows?  If you are, then No, I would not give the child back.  Why put them through undue stress and emotional turmoil?  That could permanently scare the child too.  You all should seek counseling and an attorney...  I pray for the best, bless your hearts!