Can an ex-husband adopt a child that is not biologically his?

Question

My husband and I are going through a divorce. He's a great dad and a good person, we just sucked at being married.

My daughter, who is 8 now, has known him as dad all her life (have not heard from bio dad in all 8 years). We had talked about adoption, but never really got around to it during the marriage.

Can he still adopt her even though we're getting a divorce? He's not legally obligated to pay child support or to see her, but she visits him at the same time our son (her brother) does, and he helps out financially with her, even though he's not obligated to.

It makes sense to me that he should be able to be her legal dad, even though things didn't work out in the marriage. But the courts might think otherwise. :(

Answer 1

Absolutley, I think that is amazing, you guys are dealing with this wonderfully and I think it is important for your daughter that he does adopt her seeing as he is the only fater she has ever known, and it will make her feel that she still belongs with him as well, even though things have not worked between you 2.

Good on you both, you are obviously amazing parents!

Answer 2

I can see where you are coming from.  And, I'm glad to hear that you are amicable as co-parents, at least.  I don't know how consistent the laws are from place-to-place but in my state (in the USA), your husband could not adopt her unless YOU terminated your rights, as her mother.  I'm sure that's not at all what you intend to do, but the laws here are written such that a court/judge will not 'create' -- by means of adoption -- a pre-broken home for a child.

I understand how it's working out for you and your husband and kids, and I think that's just great.  My response is to how the law is written and applied in my state.

I was going to suggest you just keep things the way they are already working out -- and that's still my advice.  But, I was thinking about why it might be important to you for the 'legal' connection to be there for your daughter and her father (meaning your husband...the only "dad" she has known) and I realized it might be your way of ensuring she would be with him if anything happened to you.  I don't know if that's right, but everything else seems to be working already so...

I have two thoughts on that.  First, if her bio-father hasn't been in her life for all (or nearly all) of her life, that's considered abandonment in my state.  On that basis, he'd be no more likely to get custody of her than a foster parent -- or some other stranger.  And, he'd be LESS likely than someone to whom she is already attached.  The emotional status of your husband as her father would be taken into account, where I live.  The fact that her brother, who she's grown up with, is the natural child of both you and your (soon ex) husband only strengthens the position that he'd be the optimal choice for both kids if you were no longer available.  Also, you can make a will and state your preference in that, and file it with an attorney so it becomes viable proof of your intentions.  In addition, you'd need to update it about every 4-5 years, to validate that your wishes haven't changed (or to state the new wishes if/when they do change).

Second, if your husband does adopt your daughter (assuming it can be done without you relinquishing her, as in my state) he then *would* be financially resposible to pay child support, provide medical insurance, pay for extra needed expenses, and so forth.  It doesn't seem like that would be a problem for him, but I just thought I'd mention it as the law would require it of him.  He would take on all the legal and other duties of any father.  

Best of luck to you!

Answer 3

Provided that the child's "birth father" terminates all rights to the child, it is fine.

Answer 4

Yes he can adopt her, but the biological father has to be aware of it and approve the decision.

Answer 5

ANYbody can adopt, legally related or not. Many adoptions are by people not related to the child.

It helps if the natural parent(s) are ok with it, but it still needs to be approved by the welfare agency and/or court in charge.

Answer 6

i think i would put the skids on an adoption right now especially since you two are going through a divorce.....its a really sticky situation for you...i just think it would be strange to explain to a judge why you want to let your husband adopt your daughter but you want a divorce from him too

Answer 7

If you're both ok with it, then it shouldn't be a problem.

Answer 8

If you want him to adopt her and the natural father would have to ok it as well.  If that’s all good I would see you having no problems.  Clearly your ex-husband is your daughters father in every way but blood and legally. Obviously you can’t make her his blood but you can make her his legal child. In the long run that’s probably the best thing to if something happens to you then your ex-husband would get custody of both kids.

Your ex-husband is clearly a great guy supporting your daughter still and being a dad to her even though you got divorced and he is not obligated. You should both get together and speak to an attorney.  

If things don’t work out well clearly he is willing to do all this when she is not legal his child I cant see him stopping. Then when your daughter turns 18 if she wants to still be adopted by him then it can happen.  

It would be wise that you state in your will that your this man get guardianship of your daughter if something happens to you. I'm sure you would want your daughter and son to stay together.

Answer 9

I am in the same boat as you. Keep on the laws in your state. Different states have different laws concerning adoption.  

Answer 10

I don't believe the courts would approve an adoption,

However, in California they may still rule that he is the parent and will be subject to paying child support.  They have 5 ways you can be declared a parent.

Answer 11

Ask your daughter what she wants...she has only known him as her dad all her life, she will say yes! so if you are happy with the arrangement also, it can go ahead....that is all the court needs, that all parties are ok with it.