Can any martial artists help me with my son situation?

Question

My son who just graduated from high school and turned 18 a couple months ago and got accepted into Stanford University. Yesterday night he came up to me and my husband and told us he has decided to not attend the university so he can continue does kickboxing and mixed martial arts. He explained that since he got back from his fight in Denmark, he have been getting a couple contract offers from some of big name kick boxing organizations from Europe and Japan.

He says he doesn’t want to live a average life, boring job, and be around all people who are trying to keep up with the Jones. So he decided he’ll head to Ukraine to train at a gym where his coach is from there and take up one of the highest contract offered. He said he’s taking a contract offer of six fights in span of 18 months and will be paid 4,000 Euros to show up and other 4,000 if he win and the pay will increase with each win.

He have 7 fights as a amateur with 6 win and 1 loss and have 3 pro fights and won all of them, include against one former champion contender whom he defeated easily. He starts fighting at 15 and has been training since 13.

He has two fights in amateur mixed martial arts and he won both fights include one against former state champion wrestler. He say he plans on continue training for mixed martial arts as well.

I and my husband are so upset about this. We feel like he’s throwing his future away. He have been working so hard for his whole life and graduated at near top of the class. Now he’s just walking away from everything he worked for just to continue do his sport. Plus the future isn’t secure at all and he’s still so young. We’re afraid he’ll get bored of the sport and end up hating it or he’ll not do well and end up not getting any where in life. I feel like he doesn’t understand the risk he’s taking. Also we couldn’t believe how bold he’s about this. He’s usually really humble and always says things that make him sound uncertain of himself and rarely talk about his fight. In fact many of his friends doesn’t know he fight at all. We cannot believe he’d just jump into this whole thing and take up the offer.

We have talked to his coach about this. He just says our son is still really young and manages to beat many older fighters with impressive record and he haven’t even fully grown or developed yet. So he’ll just get even better over time. He also says college will always be here but he’ll not be able to fight his whole life. So he should decide what he wants to do and how he wants to live before he get too old.

We have tried to begged him to attend college for a semester and see how he liked it, we’ve offered to buy him a brand new car and pay for insurance and give him gas allowance, and his grandparents even offered to pay for apartment for whole college years in reasonable price of his choice. We have tried to compromise by telling him we’d help him find another gym in the area college is in so he can continue to train. He didn’t take any of it at all or even think about it.

We’re running out of time and getting very desperate. Is there any way we can get him to change his mind or at least think about this whole thing? He always says “anybody can go to college and become rich but not everybody can be a world class fighter” We don’t understand why he feels this sport is more important than anything else.

Answer 1

just tell him to have a failsafe sometimes university isnt for everyone...i dropped out of highschool a few months ago if i could be fighting right now i would be but im stuck getting a boring job...let him chase his dreams....

Answer 2

With a boy as smart as yours, you have nothing to worry about as far as college goes. He will always be able to get into school if he was able to get into Stanford. Here's the thing - he won't always be able to pursue his real dream, and that's something very important that you have to keep in mind at all times. You only live once, and as important as it is to have job security, a nice wage, and a successful career, it's also equally as important, if not more so, to be happy. If he doesn't feel like going to school is right for him, then now is the time to make that decision - not ten years down the road.

The most important thing for you to do is support him. If he's not going to Stanford in substitution of his Martial Arts career, then he's obviously very serious about it and is very dedicated. The way you so flagrantly say that you feel as if he's throwing his life away is obviously going to adversely affect him in the long run. If he is serious, there's nothing that's going to hurt him more than losing support from the ones he loves most - his family. By trying to pry him away from his dreams, you are prying away his ambition, and that is something that can not be regained easily.

You also have to keep in mind that if he is to be a World Class fighter, he is going to have to seek out training beyond that of local gyms; he is going to have to train in World Class martial arts facilities where he can truly hone his physical and mental abilities. Also, if he was going to college, obviously one or the other would suffer. I've talked to numerous martial arts instructors who simply quit practicing their arts during college, to pursue schoolwork, and then regained the art later on. However, if your son really wants this to happen, then that period of inactivity can ruin his potential, and so, more likely than not, his schoolwork will suffer - and you'll be paying for it either way.

My advice to you is allow him to make his own decision. He is 18 years old, and has spent his entire life working hard for the opportunities he is now presented with. Yes, you were the ones who raised him, but it is he who will live the rest of his life. If he succeeds in his Martial Arts career, he will be living his dream, and if he fails, he will learn have learned valuable life lessons in the process that simply going to college could never have taught.

Maybe send some textbooks over with him and tell him to read them. Simply because he will be physically training doesn't mean he can't be training mentally as well, for the possibility that he may lose, or may change his mind. If he will have internet access, perhaps he can take online classes and gain technical knowledge in his area of expertise. You may consider some alternative forms of education in the problem solving process. Above all, the most important thing to remember is that you aren't going to change your son, no matter how badly you want him to go to college. He will always have the fighting spirit.

Answer 3

College will always be there.  Why not let him take his shot, and if it doesn't work out, then he can go to college?  If nothing else, his experience would give him a very unique essay for his applications.

Answer 4

As a parent of grown up children a grandparent, Martial Artist I can relate to your concerns as a parent. Do you remember the feelings you had when you taught him to ride a bike? The joy on the one hand and the fear on the other followed by the pride that you had at his courage and will to take control. Life is filled with these moments for a parent. Some of them are much more intense like what you are experiencing now. The common denominator in all of them is as a parent the only choice that we have is to let go and encourage them to take control. Help with the skinned knees. Be the cheering section when they strike out. I’m sure by your concern your sons academic standing and athletic ability that you are caring parents. This makes letting go very hard. Give him good council and don’t stand in the way or hold on to the bicycle seat too long. I recommend that you suggest that he keep his mind sharp while he peruses his dream because he will want something to fall back on when his fighting carrier ends at about 35.

God be with you.

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Answer 5

That's a tough one. I can understand how he feels that this is his window of opportunity and that he needs to full fill his dream of martial arts kick boxer before he is too old. Maybe after 1 yr or less he will decide you were right and will return to school. Bottom line is he is now a young adult and sometimes that means having to make choices that may  or may not be the best. He has to live his life the way he decides.  If this is his dream than he should give it a shot or he will always wonder what could have been...Obviously this is important to him so try to be a little patient. College will still be an option a year or 2 from now or even much later.

Answer 6

First off, congratulations on having an remarkably talented son.

You must be proud.

Your son is right - college will always be there.  If Stanford accepted him once, they will accept him again.

I know you do not understand 'his world' of fighting, but fighters have a powerful drive to fight and compete, and nothing in the world can dull that drive.  I bet nothing your son cannot be stopped from fighting, not even $1,000,000.

I would suggest letting him take an extraordinary opportunity, and do and see things that the vast majority of people can only dream about.

Later, after his fight career runs its course and he gets a good degree and a good job, he will have some facinating stories to tell his grandchildren.

Email me at [e-mail] if you wish.

Answer 7

First, your son is young and no offence, acting like a 12 year old. This is the problem with many coaches in martal arts, they do not teach the true respect of advancing one's self. I was lucky that I had a great sensei.

It is time to ask your son where he plans to gt the money to travel if he wishes to persue this path, what does he think this "art of fighting" will get him when he is 25, beaten up and broken down, and wondering where his next meal will come from. Also ask him if he knows anybody that is in this feild and where they are now. He will be surprised to find that there are many that are working at dead end jobs with no chance of improving. Those that are successful received their education before they started pro-fighting and used pro-fighting to suppliment their income.

Also remind him that as he gets older, it will be tougher to go to university as he will have to enter as a mature student. Most of his peers will be already with decent jobs or in their established carreers. Also remind him that not all people become rich by going to university at any time. It takes great dedication and much time to focus on studies (ie: lawyer, doctor, etc). Also remind him that by delaying, he might have to get further schooling before being allowed into university as requirements always rise.

My sensei once told me that the true path to inner peace is through knowledge, and he is denying himself of this. Cause he won a few fights against poor opponites doesn't mean that he can do this (and at that age, they are poor opponites).

As for the coach, I would not want this coach for my children or anybody else for that matter. I would stop paying for him and take him to a proper teacher that looks out for their students.

I wish you good luck and hope for the best.

Answer 8

Why don't you try sitting down and talking with him about what the future may bring. if he wants to give professional fighting a try then so be it. at least come up with a backup plan to fall back on because with martial arts full contact fighting there is the possibility that he may have an injury that can end his career pretty rapidly. I've seen this many times and it is very sad to see. hope i helped

Answer 9

im sorry but you need to let him take his shot. College will always be there let him take this shot. Some are fine with a normal lifes but there are alot that can't stand it let him take this shot.

Answer 10

You know I am listening and hearing both sides of this and I will just offer some advice. When I was 18 I joined the Marine Corps and went away and ended up in two combat zones. Kosovo/ and iventially the initial invasion of Iraq. The choices we make when we are younger mold the fabrics of our lives. I would set him down give him the pro's and cons of each one and let him make his own decision. Either one would benifit him it sounds like. But let him get all the facts and decide. In the end it is his decision and you don't want him growing up thinking you made him go to college.... I wish him the best of luck if he procedes to be a world class fighter als if he decides to go to college ..Either way the decision lies on him. You raised him to take the facts and make decisions start letting him make them.

Answer 11

Sounds like he put alot into his fighting skills as well.  If you ship him off to school when he really doesn't want to go, he will not do well and he will miss his chance at doing something he is skilled at and desires at the only possible chance in time he may have of doing it.  There will be alot of resentment and nobody will be happy.  There is a futer for him as a fighter and trainer to say the least for further down the road.

Answer 12

Ask him to do his college first. If he will not, ask him to just keep the fighting to one year, then begin college . You may find that one year of being treated like a piece of meat is enough to put him off the idea of fighting competely.

Answer 13

If your son was Jimmy Hendrix, would you tell him to stop playing the guitar and get a d*** education?

If he later regrets not going to college, he can ALWAYS go back.  If he later regrets not becoming a world class fighter, he can NEVER go back.

If has several years of experience as an adult before he attends college, he will learn more.

If he tries to pursue a professional MMA career while in college full time, his education will suffer.

You should be proud of his talent and his choices.

Your son is blessed.  He has opportunities and talent that few people possess. (Stanford OR professional athlete!)

Many people would be lucky to have just one of the choices in front of him - I'm all for going to college, but your son has his own dream.  Unlike most of us, he has the talent and the opportunity to make that dream a reality.  Your son sounds like a Disney movie dilemma - follow your dreams or fit in with the rest?

If this is what God made him to do, then let him do it and bless him.  If he follows his path, he will be okay.  

I don't know much about international pro MMA gyms, but Ukraine sounds a little far.  Perhaps you could persuade him to compromise by accepting a less lucrative offer that is closer to home?

You could also persuade him to continue taking part-time college classes, not in a particular hurry to graduate, but to continue developing as an educated individual.  

One class per semester would not adversely affect his training, and would help to prevent his academic muscle from atrophy.

Answer 14

Let him fight. If he is that talented, he needs to seize his opportunity. If he got accepted into Stanford, then he is a smart kid. Time to let him make his own decisions. If fighting doesn't work out, he can go to school next year and be more focused on school knowing that he went for it rather than resenting his parents for making him give up his dream.

Answer 15

I would say let him fight. There's a lot to be said about traveling the world, doing something you love. If he's into it and it pays well, and he's good... Let him enjoy it while he can. I wouldn't shatter his dream because of your fear. If he got into Stanford he's going to be able to get into any other college he needs to later on (if it comes to that). He could graduate from a fighter to a coach and maybe even start his own company in the future. Talk over the issue with him, but don't be so quick to shut the door on his desire.

I'm not big on fighting for a career myself, but I do watch the MMA sports and enjoy them. If he's got a good head on his shoulders help him out with financing his purses and he'll be just fine in the future.

Answer 16

Stanford cost big bucks, put it away. he can go later after his face heals, you are only young once, getting hit in the face for a living is for guys with out a choice after a time he will figure it out....or he won't....if not Stanford would be a waste anyway. education is not wisdom it may help, but life experience is wisdom and for that he is on his path.