Can any of you enlighten me on this? I am confused.

Question

Earlier today I posted a question asking anyone who had lost a parent in their teens to a terminal illness how they coped with the loss and asked what others did to help them get through such a tragic situation. I gave no details at that time.

I had asked my question because a very dear friend of mine recently found out that her husband (also a dear friend) is dying of cancer and was given a very short time to live. They have 3 teenagers at home. She wants to tell their children. He does not. They have spoken to several professionals, their clergy and a handful of friends regarding this tough decision. I have spend hours on the phone with my friend doing the best I can to console her....it has not been easy. She is an absolute mess, as she very well should be. I no longer live near her so I feel pretty helpless that I am not able to do all I can for their family. This is a very tragic situation and will affect the lives of so many people.

A few minutes later a women posted a question asking how (or if) she should tell her 6 young boys (giving their names and ages as other trolls with multiple accounts do) that their "daddy" was dying of cancer and has only 2 years to live. Her first line was, "Hi, I am new to this site as of 3 minutes ago so I am not really sure how it goes." I immediately felt this poster was a troll. I felt that she was far too "matter of fact", lacked any emotion at all and I was dumbfounded as to why on Earth ANYONE would ask such a delicate question of a bunch of strangers on Y/A, let alone post their childrens names and ages. Why was she not curled up in a ball as my friend is? How is she able to function? I came down on her pretty hard because I felt she was making up this tragic situation (after reading my question) and getting sympathy from others for such a horrible lie. I felt that her made up situation crossed the line of "fun".

I am now praying I was not wrong. If I was, God forgive me. I am looking for some piece of mind here....not that I deserve it but....

MY QUESTION...if you were in the same situation as this poster claimed to be, would you be posting questions on Y/A to learn how to best deal with such a horribly tragic situation? Would you even be able to take the time to "sign up". Would you even be able to function enough to spend any time whatsoever on a site such as this?

Answer 1

I have not seen her post or yours but dfferent ppl react differently.  For some ppl specially those who do not have a good friend to listen. Some do turn to net for info.  Some who are not famliar w/YA  might not realize the inadvisability of posting what they did.   YA wuld probably not be where I asked but I would prolly do some net searching as I have for other serious issues.  We have had ppl post on the site i admin - http://www.iljboards.com w/ very serious concerns and pretty much no idea what to do on them.  Some were in pieces others were pretty composed especally at 1st.   Shutting off emotion can also be a way of coping and a way to survive.

I understand your suspicions and have avoided dealing w/some pp lbec I felt that way.  

My prayers and sympathy are with you and your friends.

Answer 2

well, if she really is going through that I hope she didn't take any harsh comments to heart. people go through and deal with things differently. maybe shoot her an email and apologize? if she was trolling she might feel bad and rethink it.  

Answer 3

Yes it is possible I have been on web site after web site trying to find help in my own situation. Even though I am horribly devastated I know I only have 7 days left so I am desperate so the web is a place you can talk to many different people at the same time. You just might find the answer you are looking for or at least that is what I am hoping in my own situation. I am not saying that you might not be right about this person you could be. I didn't see her post so I don't know. I like you am a little suspicious that she gave all the names and ages. I don't think I would have done that. I have given my grandson's first name and that he is only 3 months old but that is all. If something doesn't happen we lose him for good in 7 days he has been gone for 3 weeks.  

Answer 4

Im with you on this one.  Im sorry but your right, if she was in the situation as your friend is, why is she going to make an account out of no where to ask the question.  I would never give out such details as you explained about this lady.  And if I was in your friends place the last thing that would cross my mind is "hey lets ask yahoo".  People can be harsh and rude, and they like to make up stories to get attention.  I would not beat yourself up over your answer, and dont worry about it for very long.  Concentrate on your friend, and be the good friend that your being for her.  She's in a tough and sad situation, and even though I dont know her, I wish her and her family the best of luck coping with this.

Answer 5

I could not imagine someone that actually was going through this would ask such a question like that giving those kind of details. When I met my husband his father was dieing of cancer and me just being a third party at the time could not imagine posting such a question. I think that the person that did this was just trying to get attention. I hope I helped ease your mind a little and I will prey for your friend and her family.  

Answer 6

Oh my goodness, I know what you mean!  I read that obviously fake question as well, and it turned my stomach.  It's the same as when "Reed" made up the fake child who mysteriously died of cancer.  Those people are pathetic, and I pray that karma doesn't come back to them for their sick and childish pranks.

If, God forbid, I were in that situation, coming on here would be the least of my concerns.  I would be making arrangements with my family to see a professional to get us through it.  

I'm very sorry about your friend's family, and I'm keeping them in my prayers.  

Answer 7

Sometimes people come on here with personal issues, hoping to find someone who is/has going/gone through the same thing. I've answered  many personal and detailed stories/questions posted by military wives because I've gone through the struggles myself. I have posted questions and have included my children's names, but only so I don't have to keep saying, "My youngest daughter..." "My oldest son...".

Sometimes when I read these questions, I think the same thing: Troll. But regardless, I answer the question to the best of my ability because you never know who is reading it. Maybe the person who asked the question has made up the entire thing but person A, someone who just sees the question and reads it, is really going through it.

If I was personally in this situation, I might somewhere down the line ask if someone had gone through something similar and ask how they delt with it...but I wouldn't go out of my way as to search, sign up and write my whole life situation. My time would be spent with my loved ones.

Best Wishes to your friend.