Question:

Can any one check my grammer, if it flows,if you get lost, Critiques thanks?

by Guest61740  |  earlier

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Hello my name is Bryan, and I am writing this letter as I have found myself to be in a bit of a predicament. I believe my situation I a little unique, so forgive me if you find my cover letter a little unconventional. I am looking for full time employment, and will need to relocate. As this may not be uncommon, bare with me one moment as I explain. I have a wife and kids in a country other than mine. After a three year wait, it was planned and expected, that my family would be able to immigrate in to the united states, in June two thousand eight. Some unexpected situations arose, and now my family will be unable to apply until two thousand thirteen! With a one year old boy I have hardy seen, and another one on the way, I am saying good by to my job, selling every thing I own, and saying hello to the international job market.

Who am I and what can I do for you, This will be difficult to sum up, as I definitely due not fall into the norm! At 38 this is my first cover letter to prelude my first resume. I was raised within a multimillion dollar muti-corparation family. We owned several farms, a large trucking company, excavating business and a landfill. Buy the age of twelve, I would be performing independently, tasks and operations, that a typical person may be faced with after training in there mid to late twenties. By the time I was twenty, I was producing show quality cars in my own automotive business. I went on to work, or contract, in almost every facet of residential construction. I now find myself behind a desk quite often, as I do purchasing for a industrial construction firm, as well maintain there fleet and repair all equipment and tools.

I do not come neatly packaged with a degree for you to hang on your wall, or with a number of years study in a particular field. I come very rounded, very mindful of ramifications of any move, or any situation, in any type of business. Being a businessman my self I can appreciate the purpose, forethought, planning, preparation, expense, implementation and the anticipated change or improvement of any given job. I am not at the apex of my career, and certainly my collar is still blue. I have never been worried about what time lunch is, or dwell on those days where you put in nineteen hours for eight hours pay. I am a company man, from a company family, and I know what it takes.

I am contacting you because you offer employment outside the United States. As I may be qualified for a particular opening you have posted, you may want to consider me for a opening where I miss the mark. As I am very motivated, and always eager to learn. Encountering a place where I can work, live, and reunite my family is paramount. That said do not feel reluctant to offer me a menial position. You will quickly recognize my abilities people always do.

Thanks Bryan

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6 ANSWERS


  1. Take out your personal history and limit it to present job information.  The purpose of the cover letter is to lure them into reading your resume.

    Outline:

    Brief intro and the job you are applying for.

    Why you would be ideal for the job. (5 sentences)

    Brief overview of your work history - Only positive experiences

    Thank them for the time.

    Close.


  2. This requires a complete rewrite. Remember the KISS principle. Keep it simple. In its present form it is a letter  to be directed  to the rubbish bin rather than for a second reading.. The text reads very much like  sub continent English written by someone who has found a book on management.

  3. that a typical person may be faced with after training in THEIR

    mid to late twenties.

    This sentence implies that the training was in those people's mid to late twenties, rather than these people are trained AND in their mid to late twenties.

    Thanks,

    Bryan.

    besides that, everything seems fine.

  4. Bryan - there is no way that any employer has the time to read through this entire cover letter when there is a stack of hundreds of others that are short, fact-filled examples of how another candidate meets the employer's needs.  It will be glanced at and tossed immediately.  Keep it short - highlight the skills that you have that will make you the best candidate.  Keep your personal life separate.

  5. yikes, Bri!  That is way too involved for a cover letter of ANY sort.  I would get a book on resume writing and cover letter writing from Barnes and Noble or Amazon.com!  You will find examples there.  Gramatically it's ok,  I think.   I just skimmed it.  Best of luck!  Peace.

  6. I *find* myself to be in a bit of a predicament.

    I believe my situation *is* a little unique

    full-time

    bear with me

    After a *three-year* wait, it was planned and expected, that my family would be able to *immigrate to* the United States in June 2008.



    With a one-year-old boy I have hardly seen,

    and so on...

    To be honest, Bryan, this reminds me an awful lot of those Nigerian bank scams.

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