Can anyone cheer me up or give me advice? I'm g*y and depressed.?

Question

I'm a g*y guy in high school. I've known that I was g*y for many years, but I've always just pushed my feelings behind me. I used to think that I would just start liking girls and when that never happened I was determined to fake my way through life. But now I've realized that to be truly happy I need to come out. I have very little self confidence and I'm really shy. I'm getting to the point where I want to come out, but just thinking about it gives me anxiety. I feel alone and want to talk to someone that has been in a situation like mine. I don't know if I'll ever have the courage to come out. I don't feel that I am close enough to any of my friends to tell them. I'm wondering if I should just come out when I go to college so that I can start fresh. I've liked the same guy for the past 2 years and I'm dying to know if he likes me back. He's so confident and smart and nice. I doubt he likes me, but it would be a shame not to ask him. I'm sorry that it seems like I'm just complaining.

Answer 1

Hi. First, remember you're not alone. Millions of other g*y and L*****n kids are going through their own version of your particular h**l. That doesn't help, I know, but you should know. Also remember that being out and g*y these days really doesn't get in the way of what a guy wants to do. Even sports!

Also, remember that it gets better after high school. High school is, for most kids, about the most miserable part of their lives. Adults who tell kids that "these are the happiest" years of a kid's life only make it worse. In many ways, especially for g*y kids, life really starts after high school.

There are chat sites especially for g*y kids. One I've looked at and seems a safe place is: http://www.thegyc.com. I'm sure there are others but all the usual cautions you've been taught apply. No personal info, etc.

Being self-conscious is part of the high school thing, too -- even for lots of straight kids. Being g*y sometimes makes it tougher, and it seem it's been real hard for you. I'm sorry you're hurting.

You can come out at your own speed according to your own situation. As I was saying, lots of kids go off to college and start right away by being out to everyone on campus. There. It's done and you have a public image that finally matches who you are. Sweet.

If you think you'll get support at home and are not in an seriously anti-g*y school or community, coming out before college might make sense.

One place to go for a friendly ear would be one of the g*y and L*****n switchboards (hotlines) around. You should be able to find a non-judgmental voice who'll listen patiently to what you're going through. They might also be able to direct you to a g*y student organization in your town.

Meanwhile, relax if you can. Your q***r brothers and sisters out here  send you a cyber hug. Write with more questions if you wish.

Answer 2

Brush your teeth after every meal!  

Answer 3

This answer maybe dated, but I believe it still holds true. Don't come out until you are financially independent from your parents because you will never know how they might react.

I know you are depress, believe it or not, but we have all been there and we survived. The good news is this, you are young and just starting out in life. Within a year or so, you will be in a situation where it will be OK to come out, or at least hang out with other ppl who are g*y too. When you are feeling down, just remember that you still have something to look forward to, just be patient, it will all be good.

Answer 4

huh situations like urs are very hard, i cant imagine wat ur goin through, but ya gotta hang in there man. who knows maybe onday u will find ur tru self

Answer 5

I'm in college and just started telling people I'm g*y, I didn't have to tell my Mom, I think she knows and we just don;t talk about it a few people know and it does get better in time as you keep telling. But I'm going to tell my Dad when I transfer in Jan., I know he is going to disown me so I'll just wait until I feel like I can make it on my own to tell him, come out when you and you thunk your family is ready not at just any random time like after something bad just happened.

Answer 6

Don't despair! You're NOT alone! I know what you feel like!

Coming out can be a stressful and anxiety-ridden process. You don't know how people will react, you don't want the to reject you, but at the same time you want to be YOU, not some "fake" persona you've built over the years.

There is a rather inspiring book I read a number of years ago by Brian McNaught titled "On Being g*y." Brian is an Irish Catholic (talk about some high expectations to measure up to!) and at his lowest point tried to commit suicide by talking a whole bottle of sleeping pills. When those didn't seem to be working fast enough, he drank some turpentine. Then he felt kind of sick. Needless to say, the folks in the emergency room were probably wondering "What the heck was this guy THINKING?" Anyway... his book and his personal accounts of how he came to resolve many of the questions he had as a g*y male were very inspiring for me. They may be for you as well.

Do you live close to a university and do they have a guest speaker program or g*y/L*****n student organization that would feature homosexual speakers? It would help to boost your self-esteem and your feeling of "belongingness" to be in and among your own kind where you KNOW EVERYONE there shares your history, your pain, your anxiety and your fear. I'm not suggesting this as a way to hook-up with someone, BTW. Right now, you're in need a g*y social network so that you don't feel quite as isolated and all alone.

You could try waiting until college but there's no hard and fast rule. You're ready when you're ready and it sounds like you're getting close.

Two bits of advice: once you come out, you will not have control over that piece of information anymore. Much as people have good intentions to keep other's secrets, gossip seems to be something that people simply can't resist. So be SURE you're ready to have the whole world know (not that it will, but you have to expect it.) I might suggest speaking with your family about this FIRST so that they don't hear about it from someone else. That can be very awkward.

Second: I've made it a point of coming out casually and not making a big deal about it. If you tell someone "I have something to tell you..." and do it in a rather secretive and hush-hush manner, you're communicating a certain embarrassment or shame about your sexuality and the person who you tell will treat it the same way: as something to hide and speak about in hushed tones. Like I said, I take a rather off-hand approach, like if someone make sa comment about the cute delivery guy,. I might say, "yeah, he's not bad. But I tend to prefer redheaded guys..." or whatever. This does two things: (1) it clues people in to your orientation and (2) it opens the door to casual conversation in a non-threatening and casual way. Granted, when you say something like this, you may get some double-takes or some furtive glances. That's fine, Carry on as if what you said was perfectly normal (well, it was...) and eventually someone will say (or ask): "are you g*y?" or "you like guys?" To which you simply reply "yes" and let the conversation go on from there.

If it doesn't, don't push the issue and here's why: think for a moment how long it's taken you to reach this point in your life and tell people about the real you. I'm guessing maybe 16 years or so. So, you've had 16 years to work through this whole "g*y thing." Don't expect someone you've just told to be all happy and supportive. They, too, may need some time to process the info and understand what implications it has for them. Give them their time. Don't force it on them and let them come to you far questions when they're ready (the same goes for your family.)

Chances are, your being g*y won't make a l**k of difference to them. They see you for YOU, not your sexuality. There will be some people who can't deal with it and that's their problem. Don't EVER apologize for YOUR homosexuality making someone ELSE feel uncomfortable. That's nothing you can control nor should you try.

Good luck to you, my g*y brother. You have a lot to offer the world and we look forward to you making the most of your life. Be out. Be proud. Live honestly and with dignity. And know you are not alone.

Answer 7

Do it!  If it goes badly you can still start fresh in college, but you'll always wonder about what experiences you might have missed.  Being g*y in high school is fun because you'll inevitably get lots of attention, whereas in college everyone is g*y and no one will care about you.

Answer 8

i wouldn't come out until college. there you can make a ton of new friends, and the ppl will most likely be more mature than those high school kids. don't worry about that guy either, you will find a better one most likely in college. and then when you go to a high school reunion, you can tell everybody. and by that time, you will most likely have your own life and not really care what any of them think.

Answer 9

You don't need to "come out".  I think that's totally over-rated.  It's not really anyone's business what your sexual orientation is.

Sure, ask him if he likes you.  

Go to Youtube and check out Byron Katie.

Answer 10

i don't understand the need to come out from so many people. i never tried to hide who i was or my sexual orientation; but i never linked my coming out to people as a key to happiness. must have been my unique experience that others outed me, rather than my outing myself.

ask yourself: why do you want to come out? why does it matter that 'others' (plural) know about your preferences and attractions? it doesn't matter. the only people that need to know are the people you're attracted to and want to have a relationship with.

for me, anyway, i also wasn't intimate enough with 'friends' to try to explain myself - so i just went out with people i felt comfortable with and my 'friends' noticed the trend - guy, girl, girl, guy, etc. and branded me.  but i was 'happy' with those friends i had made and who didn't care about that stuff and who liked me for who i am.

i know that doesn't help, but there it is.  as far as the guy - there's no magic. walk up. talk. ask. get answer. deal with it.