Can anyone give some advice on my 8year old son's continous bad behaviour?

Question

My son is 8years old and has always been a fairly naughty child, normal things like tormenting his cousin, not doing as his told, sulking when he doesn't get his own way or when everything is not about him etc, but 10 months ago we had a new addition to our family a baby girl and since then his behavior has been continously getting worse. He wont do anything i ask him, he seems not to care if he is in trouble, and he shows no remorse for his actions. My main worry at the moment is his realationship with his sister, about a month ago i went to the toilet and as i walked back into the room he was holding her above his head and then he slammed her down onto the lounge, when he saw me he immediatly said I'm sorry mum" which at that stage didn't mean alot to me as i was just so angry with him, I smacked him on the bottom and sent him to his room, he was grounded for a week and he missed out on going to the easter show but this has not made a difference. This morning he told me he hated her

Answer 1

Do you have any kind of insurance that would cover a specialist in psychology? I had to take my 6 year old daughter because her father and I separated and she started behaving really badly. She only went a hand full of times (6 I'm thinking) and she started behaving normally again. It could not hurt. You are already having issues that you don't know what drives his naughtiness and I promise this will help. Try just a few sessions and see if you don't see the difference. Good luck!

Answer 2

He's jealous.  Until she was born, he was the apple of your eye.  Make time for him.  Don't ground him for a week, but do spank when necessary.  You also hit him in anger, which is a nono when it comes to spanking, but live and learn.  Sit down with him and tell him how much you love him.  He needs that reassurance every now and then.

Is his dad around?  He and dad need some special time as well.

Answer 3

It's very apparent that he's feeling jealousy over his new baby sister, who is taking away all of your attention.  Try not to get stuck in the content of the behavior.  Try to ask yourself why he is doing what he is doing.  Put yourself in his shoes.  What need is he trying to meet?  To me, it's your attention...even if it is negative.  You have to set time aside for just the two of you (without baby sister).  Focus on the positive behaviors and reward them.  You could even try a behavior chart.  When he earns a certain amount of "points" or "stars" on the chart, give him the opportunity to be rewarded with something he really wants (a toy, a special outing with you, etc.).

Answer 4

It comes as a shock to many parents that the older child is not thrilled by having a sibling.  Imagine that instead of a new baby, your husband used the same arguments for himself to get a second wife.  You know you have someone to play with etc.  I would sit down with him, without the baby, and let him know that it is okay to feel jealous and you understand it.  It does not make him a bad person to have bad feeling.  Then set the rules, that even though he feels bad he still needs to follow the rules.  Make sure that he gets special time with either parent without the baby.  When he acts well around her make a big fuss.  It will take time, but most siblings get along eventually.

Answer 5

First let me say that I feel your pain.  It sounds like he may be jealous about his new sister.  He may feel that he isn't receiving enough attention.  You didn't make it clear if there was a father in the picture.  He sounds like my daughter when she was 8.  She has come a long way.  We had her speak with her guidance counselor at school so she could express herself.  She held a lot of feelings in.  Her issue was having an autistic sibling who she felt got more attention than she did.  My daughter wouldn't do as she was told, she had a real attitude, she was fresh, she would talk back to everyone.  She was downright nasty and miserable.  I was at my wits end.  She had to be seen by the child study team at her school and be evaluated by a Psychiatrist.  We had good insurance so we took her to a Clinical Social Work who specializes in children.  She was really great.  She not only worked with my daughter but with my husband and I also.  She was also in a group with kids her age.  They would sit and talk about feelings.  She doesn't go anymore because she is doing much better although she still isn't perfect but I am in much better control of her.  She was in a public school but we had to take her out.  She was so miserable.  She was frustrated at school because kids are so mean.  She couldn't keep up because the teacher moved through things so quickly and she couldn't keep up.  She goes to a Private Christian school now.  It's called Accelerated Christian Education.  It works for her because she works at her own pace.  It is a small school and there are people there who really love her and care about her and they let her know that they love her but that they aren't going to let her get away with doing things that she shouldn't.  Nip this in the bud now or else you are going to have one h**l of a teenager on your hands.  Good luck.  By the way, most importantly, my daughter was diagnosed with ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder).  Why don't you look into on the web and see if that helps.

Answer 6

hmmm, good luck

Answer 7

Okay, there are 2 people to blame:

Him

But mostly you.

You made him like this, not intentionally, but you did. So just accept that. Now, he probably is feeling left out because his baby sister gets all the toys and attention. Take him out to special places once in a while, maybe every or every other weekend. Make sure that it is something that he loves. Then, you can take that away. Try taking away his snacks, or tell him, "You are acting like a baby, like your little sister. I am going to treat you like one." Then have him stay home from school, keep him in the crib or something, give him baby toys, and give him baby food/applesauce. I read that in a book once. Have him do things with his sister, and without. Maybe he is sick of her crying or something like that. I was thinking that you should get him something big for Hanukkah/Birthday/Christmas, like a PS2 or Wii. That would give him something to do. Please respond, I want to see how this goes.

Answer 8

Where is the father in this? An absent father often has cataclysmic effects, especially for boys, statistically speaking. Same as a father who does not discipline his kids. The book "the Strong Willed Child" may be helpful for you, but I would suggest speaking with some professionals in the field.

Answer 9

I can't even begin to wonder why he would act bad. It couldn't possible be that he likes the attention he gets from you when he acts bad. I bet eight years of getting the wrong attention wouldn't have anything to do with the feelings he's having to a small baby that now takes up ALL of mommies time now. Oh wait lets see....when I acted bad before mommy paid attention to me...now she doesn't have time for me cause everyone just is with the new baby....oh I'll be bad again and everyone will pay attention to me or if i'm bad and involve the baby then i'll get lots of attention.