Can anyone have a look at my short essay please?

Question

I have received a scholarship from a foundation, and I'm writting them a thank you letter. I'm not a native speaker, and I am afraid I might have some weird wording or wrong grammer structure somewhere in my essay. I would appreciate if any native speaker or anyone who is very good with writting could help me out with editting this. Thank you in advance. Here is my letter.

Organizatin name

Organization address

Dear ... Scholarship Foundation,

I am vastly gratified to be awarded the ...Scholarship, and I am writing to thank you for your generosity. I feel honored to be chosen as a recipient, and highly grateful for your consideration.

I am currently attending USC as biology major, and trying to do my best in the field. Passionately prospective to continue my academic excellence in dental school, I Painstakingly started studying for my Dental Admission Test since summer of 2007. I took my test in July, 2008 and achieved a 99.2 percentile in the nation. I hope I will be able to bring better news about my success in the future, and assure you that you contribution is helping me with accomplishing my goals.

I promise to spend your valuable contribution wisely for my educational purposes. The ... Scholarship Foundation inspired me to volunteer in the community, and I plan to extend my contributions in the upcoming years. Thank you again for being of such a great support.

My signature

My name

My adress

Answer 1

If you follow the bracketed comments below, you'll see some suggested changes I've made. I've included it, following that, without the brackets. Congratulations on your scholarship.

Dear ... Scholarship Foundation,

I am vastly[replace with "very"] gratified to be awarded the ...Scholarship, and I am writing to thank you for your generosity. I feel honored to be chosen as a recipient, and [am] highly grateful for your consideration.

I am currently attending USC as [a] biology major, and trying to do my best in the field. Passionately prospective [Passionately and prospective don't make sense here. Consider replacing with "I plan"] to continue my academic excellence in dental school,[.] I Painstakingly [Painstakingly is inappropriate here. Omit it] started [replace with "have been"] studying for my Dental Admission Test since summer of 2007. I took my test in July, 2008 and achieved a 99.2 percentile in the nation. I hope I will be able to bring better news [what do you mean by "better news"? Isn't 99.2 pretty good? If so, say, "I hope to be able to give you future news of success] in the future, and assure you that you [change to "your"] contribution is helping me with accomplishing [change with accomplishing to "to accomplish"] my goals.

I promise to spend your valuable contribution wisely for my educational purposes. The ... Scholarship Foundation inspired me to volunteer in the community, and I plan to extend my contributions in the upcoming years. Thank you again for being of such a great support.

My signature

My name

My address

Dear ... Scholarship Foundation,

I am very gratified to be awarded the ...Scholarship, and I am writing to thank you for your generosity. I feel honored to be chosen as a recipient, and am highly grateful for your consideration.

I am currently attending USC as a biology major, and trying to do my best in the field. I plan to continue my academic excellence in dental school. I have been studying for my Dental Admission Test since summer of 2007. I took my test in July, 2008 and achieved a 99.2 percentile in the nation. I hope to be able to give you future news of success in the future, and assure you that your contribution is helping me with to accomplish my goals.

I promise to spend your valuable contribution wisely for my educational purposes. The ... Scholarship Foundation inspired me to volunteer in the community, and I plan to extend my contributions in the upcoming years. Thank you again for being of such a great support.

My signature

My name

My address

Answer 2

Dear ... Scholarship Foundation,

I am deeply gratified to be awarded the ...Scholarship, and I am writing to thank you for your generosity. I feel honored to be chosen as a recipient, and would like to thank you for this honor.

I am currently attending USC as biology major, and am trying to do my best in the field. Passionate about continuing my academic excellence in dental school, I have been studying for my Dental Admission Test since the summer of 2007. I took the test in July, 2008, ranking in the 99.2nd percentile in the nation. I am confident that I will be able to bring still better news about my success in the future, and assure you that your contribution is helping me with accomplishing my goals.

I promise to spend your valuable contribution wisely for my educational purposes. Among other things, the ... Scholarship Foundation inspired me to volunteer in the community, and I plan to extend my contributions in the upcoming years. Thank you again for being of such a great support.

My signature

My name

My adress