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Can anyone help and give me advice ??

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hello,

I got married a year ago. i live and work in UK. my husband is from Mumbai. Before marriage my husband agreed that he will settle in UK. As a child he lived in pune with his parents as he finished his degree he moved with his aunt and cousin in mumbai. he lived with them for 7 years and was very attached with his cousin who he says is like his mother. before marriage he lived with her sometimes on his own as his aunt and his cousins mother went away travelling.

I told him that i find his relationship with his cousin very unhealthy. he said once we get married and we go to uk things will change so I listened to him and within a month after our marriage i bought him to uk. In the beginning he struggled to get a job for 2 months i supported him to settle here financially. Then with the help of my mum's reference he got a job. He worked alright i still did not ask money for home, neither did he offer to support me. I thought he was new to uk and he has only started working so i shouldn't pressurize him and i let go. another reason i did not ask him money becoz our church wedding and party was going to be held in dec so i thought let him save the money for the party. When the chruch wedding was due he fell short of money i offered to get a loan from my bank to put towards the wedding and supported him. The chruch wedding went fine and we came back to UK. after one month even then he did not offer to support me financially knowing that i have to pay for the house bills and the loan we took for the wedding. During this period he carried on continously talking to his cousin. I told him that it really upsets me. He assured me everything will be ok.

He still kept in touch with her and started secretly sending money to her which he says he sent to his parents. on finding out i told him why don't u send the money directly to ur parents he said no it makes me happy that way.

Out of frustration i wrote to his cousin not to interfere in our marraige. She replied a nasty email saying that she will support him if he decides to leave me and that i have a dirty mind.

My husband looked very confused everyday after this argument between me and his cousin everyday he said he wants to go back i said wait for sometime we will go together he did not listen. he promised me he will be back in 3 weeks. As soon as he went there he has started living with his cousin again and he tells me if i want to make this marriage work i got to accept her and settle in india. He has not called me at all, when i call him he screams at me. His family says they don't want to interfere infact some years ago his family and parents also doubted his relationship with his cousin. When my mum tried to ask him why he is treating me like this he snapped at her and lied to his family that my mum tortured him. infact me and my mum provided for him when he was jobless and even spent most of the money for the wedding. She treated him like her son and he blames her now. I don't know what to do i loved my husband so much and i don't know why he is treating me so badly.

Can anyone give me some advice on what grounds can i apply for divorce. Can i sue his cousin for causing interference in our marriage?? It has just been a year we r married and i have been living seprately since 2 months. Is it necessary that i have to come to mumbai to file for divorce??

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8 ANSWERS


  1. You need to research the laws of these countries you have lived in, and you will need a lawyer, there's too much to go through otherwise.  This man will never get a job and take care of you money wise.  He's s******g his cousin and she's paying his way in life.  You don't have a dirty mind, you are on to him and he knows it.  Cut him loose and never look back.  He's dirty.


  2. Bad...very bad. You did a mistake...you should have talked/communicated a lot before marriage.

    Frankly speaking, i dont think it is possible for you to live with him. Consult a lawyer for legal issues and after divorce start a new life finding a UK based man.

  3.     I don't know how old you are, But your husband is not old enough to be married not mentaly, Do go back to the country and get a divorce.

    He is treating you like a mother and also he releys on his aunt to do the same. He is not a man but a child. Unless you are willing to go through a very long and painful consuling session, you should leave him and send him back to (auntie)/ mommy. Take it as a lesson and find some one ready to except you not drain you. lol

    Brian B.

    P.S. not your or his fault he's just not ready

  4. To doubt someone is the easiest thing to do....and hey, isn't 'trust' the opposite of doubt. Didn't they say it in that wedding sermon about trusting each other???!

    Women are blessed with an uncanny sense to know something fishy when it is there...so I am not saying you are WRONG or RIGHT about your assumptions here. Marriage is a compromise. no matter what anyone says...! You both are apparently from 2 differnt cultural background. Every guy has a EGO Understand that. That is hurt the moment he lands there and is 'fed ' and 'supported' by his wife. The only consolation he can get is by sending money(when he can!) to someone in his life who will look up to him and say..WOW!...his cousin..

    I do not know you husband...but somewhere you also say you love him...so I guess he is lovable. You also are planning your strategy for a divorce. Woman are you confused!!!

    Answer these questions, honestly:

    Does he mean anything to you?

    Do You Love him?

    Can you think of living without him?

    If the answer to any one of the questions is positive...please do not think of a divorce. If you have made up your mind to move on...good luck...you can't event substantiate your accusation on infidelity!!!


  5. I dont know about the legal issues, but I think you can say he doesnt offer you money and that his family (including the cousin) intefere in your marriage and keep you apart.

  6. You tried  to buy a Bombay boy for the husband's role in your life but he escaped home like a dog who does not like the new owner. Forget him.  

  7. I feel sorry for u there is nothing u can do about it only thing u can do

    is to get divorce from this idiot cheater and his family u may have to

    talk to some attorney and good luck.

  8. i read ur story,i could'nt see any love or effection 4 eachother, u both dnt love eachother, there is nothing like a husband and wife,i would say u both need 2 get divorce as soon as possible

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