Can anyone help me and give some advice besides criticize me?

Question

kinda long, please bare with me, please help.

I am in a very stressful situation. i have 2 kids with a chick other than my wife. my ex can't stand the fact that i am happy with someone other than her. i never even wanted to be with my ex. i was with her on and off for two months then she found out i wanted to break up for good. so she punctured holes in some condoms when we were together and got pregnant. i didn't want to be a dead beat dad so i just stayed even though i hated the mom. time went by and i just couldn't do it anymore so i moved out and i still came to see my daughter. but she never let me see her often so i never really got to know her. a year later i was visiting and for some stupid *** reason i had s*x with the mom and she got pregnant again but i didn't know this at the time. a few months later a met the woman of my dreams, she can cook, clean, play video games even better than me sometimes. she knew i had one kid and seemed okay with it. a few more months went by and i proposed to her. i told my ex i wanted to marry someone and she freaked out on me. so she cut off all contact between my kid and i. time went by and i got married on 7-7-07 we have been together for 3 years.

back to when my wife and i first met. when i told my ex i was engaged she decided to tell me she was pregnant. i thought she was lying and just trying to get me to come back again. and if she was i didn't think it was mine because she is a real wh0r3.

so now i am paying child support for two kids i never see and have no way of contacting them. i don't even know them enough to truly have feelings for them. it's like im paying for children i don't have. i have considered signing my rights away and continuing to pay the back support. im choosing to do this because i never see them and i want to have kids made out of love with my wife not forced entrapment. she knew i didn't want a kid so i used condoms, i didn't know at the time but she stopped taking her birth control pills, we were both too young, she could have had an abortion she knew we couldn't afford it either. she just wanted to trap me cause i feel im a nice guy. but yeah i want to have kids with my wife but she doesn't want any now because we can't afford it because of the child support and i already have 2. if i sign my rights away i can have the life i was suppose to have. and don't get me wrong if my daughters contact me in so many years i will try to explain to them how the mom is and practically made it so i don't know them, i don't have any money for courts because of the child support. even if i did fight to see them they live in another state. so my wife and i would have to quit our jobs pack up and move just try and be there. it's so unfair that she did this to me so she could try and "keep" me. the one time we did see them my ex was rubbing the fact that she has my kids and my wife doesn't in her face. i could go on more but i feel this is pretty long all ready. im just asking am i in the wrong? is my ex in the wrong for what she did? if anyone has anything they can say to help or i dunno give me their opinion on this situation.

Answer 1

You are both in the wrong you and the ex...regardless of whether you wanted children or not you have them dont sign your rights away these are children, humans not a car it seems its pretty much about what you want as far as the children are concerned what about what they would like...I have two children with an ex and have took alot of abuse from him he also hasnt been there alot for his kids and hasnt provided for them there's nothing more id like to do then wipe him out our lives but its not right at the end of the day as bad as he is at being a dad the kids love to/want to see him thats probably how it is with yours dont give up on your kids its not right on them fight for them regardless of cost and trouble be a dad dont just take the easy option and make more...As for your ex she is completly out of order just because you dont want to be with her she cant punish her children like that because thats what she's doing if you pay for these children im sure you have rights to see them...good luck fight for your children dont just replace them  

Answer 2

You have made your decision already.  You have chosen to sign your rights away to your girls and start over.  If I were you I wouldn't look for validation for that.  Money is a huge issue, we pay out the *** in child support for a son my husband and I never get to see.  I know where you are, I know how you feel trapped.  Only you can make that decision.  You have made it, now stand up to it.  And when your girls find you later in life and want an explanation why you let them go.  (Because signing your rights away is letting them go).  Be man enough to tell them the truth, you wanted the money and a new life with your wife.  She may have trapped you, but you did the deed.  I hope you are happy and able to move on with whatever you do.

Answer 3

Your ex is in the wrong in this situation.  However regardless of the situation you need to think seriously about whether or not you are truely okay with giving up your rights because as im sure u know that is a huge decision that you can never take back. It's not fair to you or your wife to have to pay child support for children you never see so if you decide you don't want to give up your rights then you truely need to pursue custody or visitation. if your are financially unable to afford this seek legal aid there are programs and people who would be more than happy to assist you in seeing your children.  Whatever decision you make will be hard no doubt but trust your own judgement and be confident with the choice you make.  Its not fair for anyone to be forced into being a parent. i am a parent of 2 girls and a son on the way my oldest daughter is from a previous relationship and my youngest and the one on the way is from my present husband who is the love of my life and i couldnt imagine being without.  if i were in your shoes i would ask myself what is best for everyone involved? if the children are happy and healthy and not in any forseeable danger by living with your ex and you know they are being properly cared for maybe it is best for you and your wife to move on and have the life you deserve. considering the children dont have a bond with you.  whatever you decide do not let your ex hold this over your head any longer make your decision and stick to it.  Right now she has control and thats what shes thriving off of.  you have to show her that she is no longer a part of your life regardless of what u decide about the children. when it comes down to it one day they will have questions and be smart enough to see and figure out what happened for themselves when that day comes be prepared and be honest with them.  Good luck with whatever you decide and know that you control your destiny and the future of your marriage.

Answer 4

wow, what a mess.

me, i would just stop paying the child support.

now bear in mind i have no idea what the laws in your area are (or in mine that matter) so i would definitely say you need to check that out first. but if you're the one paying for them, you're entitled to some kind of contact unless it's been proven that you're some kind of bad influence upon them.

meanwhile, i would definitely look into some kind of legal advice. signing away your rights is basically when YOU say "i want no more part of your life". it means that YOU are the one leaving them. and from what you're saying, it doesn't free you of any of the costs, does it?

now if that's what you want, then hey, ok. but remember, it goes on the list as "really hard to explain later".

this really isn't the place to get your advice. you need to speak to an actual legal representative to look at your options and what they mean.

Answer 5

You are both in the wrong. Especially when she tricked you the first time. Why you wanted to sleep with her again I dont understand. So if you knew what a lier she was you should have stayed away from her, but you didnt so now you pay. Im wondering if these kids are yours??? Have you ever had a test? If not then do it now!!! You have a brain so use it. I feel that no matter how she tricked you, you fell for it 2 times so you pay for your kids if they are yours. I know that sucks but in the long run you will be guilt free and she cant bad mouth you to them about not paying. If it is a legal document for you to pay the keep every reciept for what you sent them. I hope that now that you have the woman of your dreams that you dont blow it by sleeping with the mother of your kids again. She is really taking a risk with you, I give her credit, I wouldnt be with you. I need man I can respect. If you sighn off your kids she will worry that you would do that to her someday. You cannot change the past but you can make your future better and respectful.

Answer 6

While it's easy for others who aren't in your predicament to tell what you should or shouldn't do, I personally don't feel that's there's necessarily a right or wrong choice here. Whatever you decide to do, it's going to come with consequences, and it seems to me as if you have weighed the options and given them all deep thought. I think you should do whatever feels best, whichever one you can live with the easiest.  

Answer 7

First of all there should be tests done to see if your even the father.

And if you are paying child support there has to be a court order for visitations. In which is your legal time to see them...being they are in another state you would get them for 6 to 9 weeks in the summer, and on some hoildays. If you really wanted to be involved with your kids you would be, you would of figured something out!  Even if your ex is a flipping physco. Sounds to me like you just want to start all over with the new wife, and try to forget your past. You have plenty of options, depending on what you really want to do....Sign the kids off if you just want to start over......not the best decision but its a option, if the kids dont really know you. If you want to be part of there lives then make it happen, there are ways...it's your choice to be involved with them, and she can not stop you if you are there father! Figure out what you want....then make it happen! Good luck

Answer 8

You are gonna get a lot of **** for what you have written. But you are in an awkward situation here. Your ex won't let you see the kids and  you want more with your present wife, i can see the dilemma. You are going to have to do what you think is right and go for it.

Answer 9

my bf now pays child support to his ex and he does not see them. I think the money is good especially if in the long run you will see your kids when they grow old. I think despite ur ex she just have the gratification of trapping u by having ur kids. but she still does not have u. I think she is satisfied and happy to at least have ur kids than not to have u at all. I know money is tight but can u honestly live with urself to know that u have kids out there and not contribute a dime. Grant u what ur ex did was wrong. but let's think of the kids future. at least ur there making an effort by being there financially.  

Answer 10

Something no one has brought up is the fact that you can't just decide to give your rights away.  

You will also have to pay for a lawyer to do this and you could just use that for visitation also.

AND most of the time if the father wants to give up his rights you still have to pay child support unless the kid was adopted out or taken into state care.

So if I were you I would pursue custody!!!

Answer 11

your ex is totally in the wrong!!! tricking a man into getting her pregnant just to try to force him to stay with her is a ticket to h**l!! (and i dont believe in h**l so thats really saying something) this is the kind of stuff that gives women a bad name. and creating like just for your own selfish needs and not because you truly want a child is also awful. i dont really know what you should do because i dont know about the laws on child support, but hey my dad didnt pay my mom for years so i guess you could just stop paying it. she will probably tell them that your awful etc. because by the sound of it thats the kind of woman she is. not paying will just give her another reason to make them hate you but shes probably talking **** about you to them all the time. but im sure when they get to be teenagers they will realize what she is and will come looking for you. it sounds like those poor kids will be really messed up when they grow up with a mom like that. just be prepared to be there for them when they come looking for you, then you can tell them what really happened and hopefully start to bond with them.

and whatever you do dont sleep with your ex again!!!