Can anyone please tell me their experience in having two children that are less than 14 months apart?

Question

Hi!

I already have a 7 year old daughter, then in March `08 Lukas was born!

Now I recently found out we have another one on the way - due in March/April `09...!

My husband and I discussed the issue for 4 weeks and decided to keep the baby.. but personally I am panicking!

We were going to have another baby when Lukas was around 2 years old, but what's the point of an abortion just to get pregnant again in a year...

Anyway, I am really afraid of giving birth as recent experiences have been crazy painful (my 7 year old took 36 hours - no painkillers given - and Lukas took 5 hours, but his head was tilted so that it hurt much more than it needed to), so if someone could please give me their exp. in giving birth again just after a year or so...

Also... what's it like to have two children so close?

(I am thinking it's great for the kids to be close, but my husband keeps asking how he is going to cope with two.. isn't it all about strict routines with everything?)

What do you do with meals? I think we need to be strict there and tell the kids to eat what is served, otherwise we'll be making 3 different meals all the time, which is TOTALLY out of the question...

Anyone with STRICT routines that can share a tip or two?

Thank you so much - in advance:D

Kathrine, Norway

Answer 1

Kathrine, congratulations! My two are 18 months apart, and I believe their close ages made it easier, not harder.

The second child's birth was a breeze. Ten pounds three ounces, no drugs. I remember the OB nurse telling us that in her experience, there's truth in the saying "The third is the easiest."

For the most part, our kids' schedules were in sync once Kid Two was a toddler. They ate what we ate, usually, unless it was spicy. I always had something each child liked on the table, and if Kid One made her entire dinner be broccoli, that was okay. Desserts tended to be nutritional, like pudding or fruit cobblers rather than cake or cookies.

We didn't need strict routines. We often played our day by ear, letting it take us wherever felt right, whether it was a park, the library, the kitchen (where they both learned to cook and bake early), or reading by the hour, under the dining room table if they could convince me. We did have fairly rigid standards about bathing, tooth brushing, and bed time.

Their personalities are similar, and they played well together, needing few other friends. They were best friends until college. (Unlike their friends, who all seemed to be in a state of war with their siblings.) We insisted they go to different schools to allow each of them a better chance to bloom. It worked.

One tip: Pick or let the child pick a favorite color early. When you buy them identical items, buy the favorite color if it's available. Then there's never any doubt about whose snow shovel or squeak toy is the red one.

Tip two: Use a permanent marker to put one or two (or in your case, two or three) dots on identical toys, someplace that doesn't show much and isn't likely to wear off with play. Then ownership can be immediately established.

Really, you're going to be okay. Two in diapers is no harder than one, and when it's over, it's over.

Answer 2

I have 3 children...4,3, and 2...all in 33 months!  It is hard, but it can be done.  You have to try to get a schedule going, but you have to remember that things will come up to throw your schedule off.  As hard as it is is nothing compared to how rewarding it is.  My kids are so close, because they were all born so close together.  It is normal to be scared, but you will see that in time, you and your husband will catch on to the rhythm.  Best of luck!

Answer 3

my kids are all close together, my son was 15 months when i fell pregnant with my daughter and she was 15 months when i fell with my other son, they get on good most of the time, when i just had the tow i found it easier then having the one, but we have found out now that if we take one out (to nans or friends)and just have two, which ever two, they are great. my youngest is the boss, he two and there trouble if he dont get his own way but we deal with it good. i was close in age to my brother two and we also got on well.

Answer 4

I have four kids ages 6, 5, 3, and 1. I would not have done it any differently! Although it sounds pretty well spaced, the first two are 17 mos. apart, 2 and 3 are 22 mos. apart, and 3 and 4 are 26 mos. apart; only because I had a miscarriage before #4. Pros of kids so close: you're already sleep-deprived, so why not?! :) You've already got baby food in the house, you're used to changing diapers all the time, and all of the soothing tricks you learned with #2 are still fresh in your memory! Also, when they're potty-trained, you're done for good!! A friend of mine has a 17 yr. old, an 11 yr. old and a 3 yr. old, and I just could not imagine! To go from no diapers and sleeping all night for years and then have a baby, ugh! I'd rather get it all done and start to really have fun! My kids don't fight over stuff like TV shows, because they all watch pretty much the same thing! We have three of practically everything, so no squabbles there. All of mine are picky eaters, but that's my own fault. Keep dinner simple and there's no reason you can't all eat the same thing.  My older son hardly ever eats what I cook, but I don't make him anything else. I'm not feeding him anything gross, so there's no reason he sholud not eat it! He eats snacks at appropriate times, so I know he's not starving! I am very strict about naps and bedtimes, and at times that was difficult with the baby. He would sleep before and after the big kids, so when they were down and I just wanted to rest, the baby would be up, but now two are in school and just the two younger are home and they take naps at the same time, and everyone goes to bed at the same time. Plus it's neat this year that my two older are in school, first grade and kindergarten. There will be one year that all four will be in the same school, and that's really neat! It will be tough at times, but when you see #2 and the baby playing together and being best friends, it'll be worth it. It will all work out, and yes, keeping them on a schedule as best as you can will help YOU to feel like you have some control in the chaos! Good luck!

Answer 5

Hi there,

I had a set of girl/boy twins in May 2004. Much to our surprise, we found out not long after that i was pregnant again. Our next daughter was born in May 2005. After having the 3 children so close, we decided (after always wanting a large family) that we may as well keep them all close together. Baby number 4 (another daughter) was born in Nov 2006.

During may 2008 i had an ectopic pregnancy, but have recently discovered that we are expecting again (I am 6weeks at the moment).

I love that all our children are close together and i wouldnt change it for the world.

There are of course hard times, and i've found that the worst time for us is when they all get sick at the same time. They all go through different phases which can be challenging but i remind myself to look at it as "just" a challenge....

You will have to be organised, but in saying that, i dont mean as strict as a military style operation. Develop a routine and juggle the difficult moments around it. Let your routine have a little flexibility in it as there will be moments that different things come up and NEVER get disheartened if the routine fails miserably. You can always start again "tomorrow".

As for the births, I had to have an emergency c-section with the twins and the doctors forced me into having another c-section with the next pregnancy. (I wish i had have know a little more about it then as i would have pushed for a natural). So i'm not much help there....

When our children were first learning to eat, they all ate the same thing, but as they have grown a bit older they have developed their individual tastes. We serve one meal a night to everyone, but if one does not eat the particular served meal, they just get a sandwich as i too refuse to cook several meals a night.

Our children, now aged 4, 4, 3 and almost 2 are the bestest of friends. They've grown up so close to each other and are forever backing each other up. They've learnt how to share at an unusually young age and all have fantastic communication skills.

Please dont panic, it really isnt as overwhelming as it all sounds.

Best wishes. xoxoxoxoxox

Answer 6

i have 2 close friends with babies just over a year apart.they thought it would be unbearable, but they have both said it was much easier and fun than they anticipated, now that the younger is sitting up and can interact more they enjoy it so much.

my mother in law had all 3 of her sons if 4 years, and says looking back should thought it would be hard, but now wouldn't have it any other way

since you've probably gone over the negatives, i'll try and give you some positives

the older one will be less jealous because they wont know anything other than having a sibling

similar toys..

similar skill level

get through the diaper phase all at once (you don't have to start all over)

less time with high chairs and sippy cups around..

Good, luck and have fun, take a deep breath and you'll never want things to be different.

I know you were looking for a schedule, but if you just start now, the new baby will fit right in, remember they are meant to compliment your life, not take over your life