Can anyone tell me how they handled problems between their children and their bf/gf children?

Question

My son is 12 and I know he can be a brat. Now there is animosity between he and 3 of my bf's kids about the same age. My son seems to be getting ALL the blame though. When my bf and I talked about it I told him that its not 100% my son, that sometimes I listen when they all think I am not. He admitted that he was sure it was not all my son but of course his kids think so and I sense that my bf feels that the majority the blame does lay on my son. They went as far tonight to mention to me that I should teach my son some manners (this from the one that I have had problems with trying to grope me!) and tell me at times that my son is mean. Yes, he can be-he makes snide comments and makes fun of them and it goes from there. I can list wrongdoings from all of them and I know it is kid stuff but itt just seems like the tone has been set and needs to be changed. How do you get kids to see this though and change their ways? My son is fed up with his kids because they tattle all the time (I have become tired of it as well) As I said, I see wrong on both sides. I don't want this to become a bigger problem because I love my bf and his kids but it is not fun right now when we all get together. I have a 14 year old son too but there isnt this issue with him. He complains about the BF kids being annoying at times but its still pleasant between them. I pointed out to my son that no one is complaining about his brother because he wants to place all the blame on the other kids-they want to place all the blame on him. I'm getting to the point that I just don't get all of the kids together anymore where as at one time the kids all used to have a good time together. Now my son groans when I tell him they are coming and his sons complain about him.

Answer 1

if you and your boyfriend let loose the children to be together without much observation on your parts...you will have problems.  in a classroom setting there are rules and boundaries set and there is a teacher there observing all of the students in the same room.  in your case, you probably thrust the kids together without any supervision and hope they come out of it alive.  

try to supervise their playtime together for a month or two to observe them and interject when it's necessary until they all learn rules, boundaries and limits before they come to escalate.  good luck

Answer 2

You guys should probably look into counseling for both of your kids. Sometimes kids can misbehave because they are acting out due to something deeper. For example, maybe your 12 year old isn't really cool with the idea of you dating or he fears getting a bunch of new siblings and he's trying his hardest to avoid this at all costs. Not saying that this is definitely the case but it's a possibility (and it could be the same issue with your BF's kids). If you can't look into the counseling, you should speak to your son apart from them and find out what his issue is with these kids. Why doesn't he get along with them and try to find solutions to help him get along with them. Your bf should do the same with his kids. Maybe find out something the kids have in common. At the very least these kids should respect each other, and it's something both sides need to be in agreement with.

If you feel as though your bf is placing too much blame on your son you should have a talk with him too. Just make sure the subject is approached gently, no one likes to hear bad things about their kids. Speak to him about your concerns and try to come up with a solution that works for everyone. Good luck!

Answer 3

One of the easiest situation I was ever in.   I told, not asked, her that she and her kids would have to be out of the hosue by months end.   Got tired of the game that what was my son's was theirs also.  Just does not work that way.   I also got tired of hearing how I bought all this stuff, before we met, for my son and now where was hers and her kids.

For the sake of your child, get the heck out of that situation now.

Answer 4

I have two kids a 16yr old and a 14yr old, my wife has a 16 yr old so at first everything was good then my wife and I could not even go to the store without someone fighting.  Since custody is by other people we simply see them separately except for summer vacations and special holidays.  They are all wanting attention to see who will get the most.  Yours are jealous of your new boyfriend and his are jealous of you. Counseling may help, but kids that age are always going to fight for attention, related or not.

Answer 5

My child was fun to be with other kids that acted right, but when my best friend brought over his kids that had nothing they destroyed my  son's toys and things.

Children learn as they grow, but if you raise your children right and put them in a Children's Nursery with brats...your child will get tainted.

Your child is not good enough to play with my child (scenario)  I put love and heart warming feelings into my child that makes him become a very fine young little boy, but with your kids that are brats...he looks at what is wrong with them and the trouble starts.

There were times I had to tell other children to go home if they can't play right just to keep my son from picking up bad habits that those children got from their parents.

What does it take to be a parent? I'll answer that for you...it's a 24hr 7 day a week job and very few parents in this world make the cut.

Answer 6

Just remember that kids will be kids. Talk with your children and have your boyfriend talk with his children and try to come up with some sort of truce. Not all children are going to get along, but they can learn to tolerate each other for the time they are together. Do they go to school together?  

Answer 7

we dont get the kids together anymore...same here. my husband has 3 daughters, that of course, the sun rose and set in their ***...anyway, i have a son. they always used to come visit on sundays, and we would let my son have a friend over while they were here.

helped a bunch, but they really dont come anymore, so rarely do they even see each other.