Can anyone think of any other funny quote?

Question

I don't think that you people will find it funny, but my little brother does, '' Don't pick on me, I'm not your nose!!''

Can you help me think of a better one??

thanks

Answer 1

My favorite was always this one (though it's really more of a poem):

Sir, I admit to your general rule

that every poet is a fool

but you, yourself, may serve to show it

that every fool is not a poet.

Answer 2

life isn't like burger king, you can't always have it your way

Answer 3

See you around,like a donut.  Well,that's the way the mop flops! Don't follow me,i am lost! If you don't like my crab apples,don't shake my tree. To soon old& to ate smart.  He grins like a fox eating ice. The wheel that squeks the loudest,gets the grease first!.

Answer 4

Here's one I like. (attributed to Louis B. Mayer -former head

of MGM) "No wonder no one ever comes here, it's too

crowded".

Answer 5

I read this on a friend's t-shirt : " Life's hard being a d**k. You live with two nuts & your best friend is an a*****e"

"Don't sweat the petty stuff & don't pet the sweaty stuff"

Answer 6

Aw, that's cute ^ ^'.. well, here's a couple of 'em..Enjoy:

>>Lady Nancy Astor: "Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea."

Churchill: "Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.”

The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

>>“Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: “Take two aspirin” and “Keep away from children.”

>>“Sometimes I think war is God’s way of teaching us geography.” Paul Rodriguez

>>“My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, ‘Mom, they weren’t trying to teach you how to swim.’” Paula Poundstone

>>“Money talks...but all mine ever says is good-bye."

>>“Don't steal. The government hates competition."

“Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to.”

>>"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."- Will Rogers

>>"Adults are always asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because they are looking for ideas"

>>"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?""--Abraham Lincoln

>>"When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped."--Marcel Achard

>>"The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn't exist."--Aaron Machado

>>"If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive."--Samuel Goldwyn

>>"I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it. ."—Unknown

>>"Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing him again."—Unknown

>>"If a tree falls in a forest and lands on a politician, even if you can't hear the tree or the screams, I'll bet you'd at least hear the applause."--Paul Tindale

>>"Everbody wants to save the earth - nobody wants to help Mom to do the dishes."--P. J. O'Rourke

>>"Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me."--Rodney Dangerfield

>>"By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."—Socrates

>>"It's not me who can't keep a secret it's the people I tell that can't."--Abe Lincoln

>>"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."--Unknown

>>"Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject."--Unknown

>>Money can't buy happiness, but it does quiet the nerves.- Anon

>>"Of course I'm talking to myself. Who else can I trust?”

>>Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

>>Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do...but she's certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did.

>>It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks. She's not marrying the best man.

>>Epperson's law: When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at.

>>If a child annoys you, quiet him by brushing his hair. If this doesn't work, use the other side of the brush on the other end of the child.

======================================...

Plus a couple of good ones from the Simpsons:

>"I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!" -Homer J. Simpson

>Homer: I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.

>Homer: Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

>Homer: A woman is a lot like a refrigerator.  6 feet tall, 300 pounds ... it makes ice.

>Mr. Burns: I'll keep it short and sweet -- Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

>Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

>Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?

Homer: Yes. (lie detector blows up)

>Ralph: Me fail English. That's unpossible.

>Homer: What's a wedding?  Webster's dictionary describes it as the act of removing weeds from one's garden.

>Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.

>Homer: How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?