Can anyone thoroughly explain how to get over the fear of rejection & how not to cause it ?

Question

& as a result being afraid to contact people ?

these are my circumstances in general :

ive missed out all my life on happiness, goals, friendships, relationships, work, education, lifestyles..

never achieved any of it because ive suffered such a miserable life of trauma, let downs, rejection, bullying ~( physical and mental ) - abuse, assaults, attacks, time in a psychiatric hospital, time in jail....a criminal record...a mental health record etc...

today ive lived on my own since 2005 in a small messy flat without anybody....i have no social support network exceptt my mother and 1 internet friend.....my mother who is aging and cannot do the things she used to.

i live on disability, i own nothing except a few books and an old dusty computer.

because of the severe bullying and abuse i suffered i developed a rage and aggression problem....iam diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and ptsd..

i used to have rage outbursts many times in crowded public places and lash out at strangers.....get confrontational.....stare at people act out of control aggressive..

because of this sometimes i thought could i have intermittent explosive disorder ?

but have accepted my bpd diagnoses, ive made lot of progress controling my aggression and outbursts for years now...and are waiting for an appointment for psychotherapy..

for a while ive experienced bad anxiety, flashbacks, panic that keep my staying inside my apartment except when i need to go out..

struggled with aggression because of unresolved anger of the past, severe bullying etc..

paranoia that im being deliberatly alienated by people, ostracised and socially excluded.....like my lifes being opressed and controlled..

im not sure how the paranoia started but ive had it vertually all my adult life.

sometimes in an average day, some people are abrupt, cold, stand-offish, non accepting of me, aloof, exchange glances, and seem to be deliberatly making me feel like an outcast..

supermarket workers, cafe workers, store cashiers ...authority figures..

this reinforces my paranoia im being socially ostracised.

i feel society....the local community has a negative perception of me which, just the thought they have makes me feel incredablly angry.

i feel deliberatly shut out of society.....like im stigmatised, like a lot of people know about my past....rage episodes....my background etc..

i feel vilified by people who used to victimise me years back.

i feel people in the community remember my countless ragew outburst or im somehow stigmatised and labelled in other ways..

otherwise, why are people so aloof, and stand-offish from me and seem to distance themselves from me ???

obviously i struggle with aloofness myself, and im very wary and guarded towards people......but no one can blame me for that considering everything i have had to go through....

in spite of my c**p life ive had to endure, and my past, and history and possible stigma surrounding me im still going on....making progress with my rage.....have the odd setback with anger showing - but on the whole ive done well.

im trying to be positive and work towards future goals of a good paid job and to move away from england to live near the quiet coast somewhere....to live a peaceful life..

im 30 now and obviously missed out a great deal on everything..

i need treatment for my injured ankle and torn ankle ligaments, i have to watch how i walk, or else i can go over.....it is very weak......

its depressing to because with it i feel like a cripple.

the skin on the head of my p***s is all cracked and teared, covering the head.....so im waiting to hear from a dermatologist about that.

so theres alot of things causing me insecurity and anxiety at the moment.

and ontop of that, when i go outside....or i browse myspace, in england at female profiles or other countries in myspace i see beaming happy grins.....like everyones happy....oblivious to my life of torment and torture..

flirty, wide grinned, rosy cheeked, fair haired grins and i feel incredablly angry at that !!!!! ( clenched teeth )

because ive missed out all my life at starting from scratch at 30, on my own in a small flat.

how do i handle this ?

because i feel angry and jealous toward those happy people and want to take it out on them

i know that its wrong to feel that way thats why im asking for help

Answer 1

Why do you keep asking the same questions over and over again?

Answer 2

If it helps - people are pretty much pre occupied with themselves - this may explain the aloof ness -they are not 'noticing' you and consciously rejecting you - they are editing you out as you don't matter to them - if you were able to ask them what they were thinking its odds on it would be something really mundane like 'I hope the Co-op haven't run out of semi skimmed' or something like that.

Have you a social worker that can accompany you on trips out there who you can trust to give you a balanced view when your mind assesses things that cause your anxiety to rise?

There are more issues here than I can hope to answer but I hope this helps

Answer 3

I can't say I've ever experienced this fear of rejection as badly as you do but I did let my fears destroy what would or could have turned out to be a great relationship on more than one occasion. I always get really scared if somebody is trying to get close to me because I get paranoid that they only want to hurt me or that they will reject me once they get to know me.  I just keep pushing people away once they get too close, not only hurting myself but the other person too. Its not an easy thing to deal with but its something that you need to sort out otherwise its just going to be the same thing over and over again. You said you want to move away, maybe you should, it sounds like everything is driving you crazy where you are now, a new beginning sounds like exactly what you need, new people who don't know your history, new place etc. Iknow I have'nt given you any helpful advice but just so you know that there are people out there who understand to some extent what you're going through. and you should contact that Russian girl again! make a step towards trusting people and yourself to make good judgements. Best of luck and I really hope things work out for you,sorry I couldn't be more helpful!

Answer 4

If you dint love yourself then no one will   Start to love yourself, tidy your flat, take a bath and admire yourself  you are wonderful, it is only the part of your brain controlling you - its about time you started telling your brain how to think! and tell your brain how to tell your body and personality to work.

Try to do little things for your mum - ie take her a newspaper and read something of interest to her - make her a cup of tea......all these little things will start to make you feel worthwhile - then you will start to meet nice people, chat a little politely.....offer to do someones garden...pick up some litter in the street. You may hate to do these small things, but they are steps to becoming calmer, self worthy, kind, helpful.

List each thing you don't like about yourself and list the complete opposite against each one. Then try to do the opposite of each, mark them off one by one as you achieve the opposites and see how quickly you achieve half of those goals.

I wish you all the best.

Answer 5

It is impossible to generalise about what has caused somebody to behave in this way.  Only a therapist who works closely with you  to help you understand your own behaviour will be able to attempt an answer to this question.

Anybody trying to give you a simple diagnosis on-line is probably only going to feed your lack of trust in yourself and others.