i'm 18, and i've recently been thinking about whether my parents treated me correctly when i was a child. here are some things about my childhood:
1. when i was growing up, my dad had this "points" system for me and my brother. if i did something good, i'd be awarded points, and if i did bad, i'd lose points. but it wasn't like we'd actually get any awards for having points. the points were simply there, and i used to give everything i could to gather those points, even though they were useless to have. in my childish mind, i thought that having lots of points meant that my dad would love me more.
2. my dad was always at work. he worked graveyard shifts and slept during the day, so i hardly ever saw him. as a result, i grew up close to my mom only.
3. my older brother did poorly in school, so my parents are INTENSELY strict on my education (since they've lost hope on my brother). they forced me to go to university right after highschool, though i wanted to take a year off to decide on what i really want to do in the future. they're also forcing me to study medicine, though i REALLY hate sciences.
4. growing up, my parents fed me like a pig. i was always the "chubby girl" in my class, and i was conscious of that, even when i was young. whenever i turned down their junky food, they'd yell at me. whenever i loss weight (they weighed me once every 2 weeks), my dad would take away points. in my parents' minds, if i become fat with a big appetite, then it means that i'm healthy. even now, i'm having some problems trying to shed some weight.
5. my parents easily broke promises. they'd say that they'd take me somewhere for sure, but in the end, it never happens.
6. my parents always make me feel bad about myself. at family gatherings, they always like to talk about embarrassing things that i did when i was a kid. they always like to mention how much i eat and how chubby or ugly i am, even though they were the cause of it.
7. i never had what other children had. i never had nice clothes or toys, so i always felt out of place at school.
8. i can't even remember how many times i've heard the words, "do this or we'll kick you out of the house". everyday, for everything, i'd be threatened like that. i still get that threat every now and then.
now that i look back, i'm not really sure if my parents acted like how a good parent should. as a young adult, i find that i often have to cry myself to sleep, and i feel miserable being around my family. i just want to be freed from them, and i never reveal my true feelings or thoughts to them. i feel like i can't trust them, and that they don't need to know anything. i pretend to smile and act all jolly all the time, but i'm hiding my true self from them. even with classmates and friends, i feel the need to hide my true self because i don't want to make myself vulnerable to be hurt.
do you think my parents treated me badly? is that the reason why i'm so afraid of getting close to other people?
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