Can his daugther and son be this way?

Question

I never met my husbands children and being that they are 23 and 21 and live with their mother it is difficult to understand that there is resentment to me. My husband and I married 12 years ago and from that time he told me he isnt a good dad, never been there for the kids and always felt guilty. (he was incarcerated for about 6 years) I met him years before him and I got together and while he was married to this lady. We only had an affair for a few months and then the next year left his wife for another lady who past away in 1992. He only kept in contact with them here and there and saw them only a few times while he was away. Last year his daugther out of the blue emails me a horrible email which she got from my space which my sister just did for me a few years back. She wrote this is the daugther of the man you claim to be married to and all these names and her brother wrote me also saying Your an outsider, fall back *****. The exwife wrote an email saying you will never get through him to our kids. When my husband read these emails he contacted them and told them why are you taking your resentment out on her which is really directed for me. He said my wife took care of me through all these years, it didnt work out with your mom and I, she didnt try hard enough... (I was kind of insulted when I heard that) but they were insulted also. This lady never moved on and I think she held on and the kids that he would eventually go back to them. In fact, she never told them their father remarried and she never told them they have a 1/2 sister in florida (which is from the lady that past) ...

They told him they dont want to meet me and he said he isnt going to lead a double life.

Should a 23 year old and 21 year old act this way?

Answer 1

NO way should his grown up?? children be treating you this way

Answer 2

kids will act the way that they were raised. sounds like your husband's kids mother never let go of the relationship and then passed that resentment onto your man's kids.

Your husband hurt alot of people, especially his children. Hopefully they will get over it someday for the sake of a relationship with their father. Otherwise, you are probably gonna put up with this anytime (or occasion) where your husband is supposed be dad (like weddings and grandkid stuff)

Answer 3

23 and 21 yr olds can be less mature than you think...and judging by the type of characters your writing about i'm assuming the mother isn't that educated and her kids haven't exactly been conditioned in a friendly environment.  Can't really say much definitively though.  

good luck girly :/

-gabe

Answer 4

No a 23 yr. old and a 21 yr. old shouldn't act this way. that is ridiculous! I'm 22 yrs. old and i would NEVER act like that if I were in this situation. If I were you I would just not try to talk to them. ANd if they write you anymore nasty stuff and harrass you anymore, then report it to Myspace. I'm sorry you have to deal with this imatureity!

Answer 5

Kids are sometimes a reflection of the parent that raises them.  Not all mothers are meant to be moms if you know what I mean.  It sounds like she has taken out her anger and bitterness and shared it with his kids which a loving mom would never do.  Unfortunately it sounds like these kids are still holding on to the apron strings and there is nothing you or your husband can say or do to change their mind.

Answer 6

they are too old to be acting like that.They need to target dad for not being there.Mom has brain washed them since dad has left and they still want to try to make him unhappy for making their mom unhappy.If they don't want to meet you then ooh well.they could give you a chance and at least see if they like you or not.

Answer 7

Absolutely, they're at an age where they can see things through and ask questions and be resentful of their lives growing up.  They are young adults and even though how they did it was rather immature they're angry and lashing back.  You, however, should stay neutral.  Even though they're aiming this at you, try to ignore it.  It's between their dad and them.  You're an innocent party in all this, I wouldn't even acknowledge them, it makes you look like the responsible adult and letting this affect you gives substance to what they are saying.  They want to hurt you, if you let it they've won the battle, be a better person and recognize it for what it is!  Your husband should also ignore any comments concerning you,  and tell his kids if they have a problem with him direct it to him and him alone.  He shouldn't be surprised, he lost them long ago and maybe one day they'll want to be at least on speaking terms but never expect anything.  Try to enjoy your lives together despite the situation!