Can i hear some funny jokes? lol?

Question

they can be blonde i dont care lol

Answer 1

Here's a good one :)

A couple who'd been married for 15 years were doing yard work. The wife was bent over pulling weeds from the grass. The husband was just admiring the view. Then he noticed something. He commented, "You know, dear, you butt is as big as the grill!" She just rolled her eyes and shook her head. The man said, "I'm serious!". Just to prove his point, he got a tape measure and measured the grill. Then he measured his wife's backside. It was just about the same!

"See?" He said smugly. "The numbers don't lie!"

The wife once again just shook her head.

Later that night, the guy wanted to get some, so he asked. Without skipping a beat, the wife turned over and said, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the entire grill for one little wiener, you're sadly mistaken."

Haha! :D

Answer 2

A Plane Trip

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa. " Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer.

Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

Answer 3

a guy........... walked into a bar.............. and said..................ouch xD

Answer 4

Stinkin' Proof  



  One day, an old lady went to the store to get some food for her dog.

When she got to the counter to pay, the cashier said she needed proof that the old lady had a dog because some old people have been known to just eat the animal food themselves. So she went home got her puppy, bought it to the store and purchased the dog food.

One week later, she went to get some cat food. Once again the cashier needed proof that the old lady had a cat. So she went home, got her cat, came back and purchased the cat food.

Two weeks later, the old lady walked in the same market to buy something . She held a bag in front of the cashier and told him to put his fingers in the bag and then smell them. When the cashier did, he said, "It smells like p**p!"

The old lady replied, "Can I buy some toilet paper now?"

Answer 5

once upon a time there was a guy named mr. hideous. Guess what people call him now? Santa Claus

Answer 6

Mr. Cikoch was a biology instructor at a s****. suburban girl's junior college. During class one day he asked his student, "Miss Simison, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions."



Miss Simison gasped, and then said, "Mr. Cikoch, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this.

"With that she sat down red-faced. Mr. Cikoch then called on Miss Hakar and asked the same question. Miss Hakar, with composure, replied, "The pupil of the eye, in dim light."

"Correct," said Mr. Cikoch. "And now, Miss Simison, I have three things to say to you. One, you have not studied your lesson. Two, you

have  a dirty  mind. and three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment."