Can meeting your biologic parents make things worse?

Question

so like if you do meet your parents wont this make you confused? especially if you are a little kid. isnt it hard for a little kid to have like two moms and wont this just cunfuse him? (unless they are g*y moms)

Answer 1

I am 26 and also adopted.  I have never searched for my birth parents, i have 3 kids now and figure it would be confusing for them.  The parents i had were wonderful, still are of course.  i wouldnt change it for the world.  If you are curiosus you could definetly look, however remember your birth mom gave you up for a reason, it may open old wounds.  Good luck with whatever you choose.

Answer 2

My son is 9 going on 10, and has been involved from birth in an open adoption.  He is not in the least confused about who has what roles in his life, and gets all of his questions answered firsthand.

He is often less confused about how our family works than the adults around him are.

Answer 3

I think adoption is confusing in itself. Facing the truth and accepting it is better than denial and running from it.

Good luck

Answer 4

You're right dude, secrets, pretending, and lies are better. NOT.

But yes, adoption IS confusing!  Now you can see why many here advise against it.

Answer 5

I just found out the truth about my mother, because she is dead I can ever meet and the truth was pretty bad.  But at the same time it fills in a lot of hole about what you are.  Medical, cultural, ethnic group; nothing can replace the love of your adoptive parents but there is a genetic part they can never fill.  I would think it would be easier to know what your bio-parents were like from early one rather then finding out all at once.  If you grow up with the knowledge, it might make things easier to stomach.  But it would vary from family to family, and once you know the truth, there is no taking it back, you can't forget what you have learned.  Good luck whatever you decide.

Answer 6

In some cases, such as abuse, yes, I could see where it would make things worse.  However, in most cases, I believe that the more people who love a child, the better off the child is.

Answer 7

Nope.  Not knowing and fantasizing and wondering is far more confusing than having the truth laid out in front of you, for sure.

Answer 8

But sweetie, that is what adoption is all about.  A child who is adopted DOES have two mothers.

Isn't it more confusing to pretend that the person who gave birth to this child doesn't exist?

You said here that you believe it is not confusing for a child to have two mothers if they are a g*y couple (and I agree with you).  Why does that theory not transfer to adoption?

It's reality.

Answer 9

I was adopted also at a very young age I couldnt its too emotional

Answer 10

yes, unfortunately it can be worse. for me it was the best thing i ever did, but for others it just causes more pain and confusion.

anyone that searches needs to make sure they are prepared for anything.

Answer 11

So if you have a step mom and a step dad your going to be confused? I wasn't. I knew which one was which. There may be some confusion on the adoptee's part as to why they were adopted instead of being raised with their nfamily but as to who is who, I don't think so, and why would you think that having g*y mom's would be less confusing? Would it be because you really dont' care anyway your just here to entertain yourself at someone elses expense?

Answer 12

i'm not at all confused.  if anything, i'm a h**l of a lot less confused.

Answer 13

It depends on the age of the child and the situation they were adopted into.

Kids can adapt quickly to any situation as long as you are honest and help them understand.  You have to care about the child.

Answer 14

I'm a birth mom, and my bdaughter and her kids are not confused at all, the amom is the mom and grandma and I am referred to as my name. No confusion.

But you are right if the child doesn't know he is adopted and all of the sudden he has another mom, that might cause confusion, that's why it's best not to lie to anyone.

Answer 15

Can knowing the truth ever "make things worse," whatever that means?

It might hurt or confuse, but is that any reason to not know the truth?  Isn't the truth always better in the long run?

What would you prefer to be lied to about?

Answer 16

I have two moms, one that raised me and one that gave birth to me. the one who raised me will always be my mommy, the woman that i hold in my heart as my mom, i guess you can say "true" mom, meaning she was there for the hard times. my mother who gave birth to me i will always respect her and the reason behind her choice on giving me up. i'm was not confused when i had them both in my life, i was able to know one from the other.

Answer 17

Hmmm, I wonder if my parents were confused about having two kids.....

Meeting my biological parents answered the questions that caused all the confusion for all my freaking life.....dude.