Can my fiance marrying the wrong girl from his past mess up my military career?

Question

I have a question I'm 26 years old female,been to school,never had a record about to join the Air Force I am engaged to a man who "was" in the army but was discharged for being caught with weed,before this he had a good job as a army medic; received many awards but married the wrong girl who basically help mess up his career . But he had serious problems with his ex wife which resulted into domestic disputes and arrest. Which resulted him to want to kick himself out of the army hence the "weed". Apparently he was in a dark time in his life. Now I don't agree with what he's done in the past but people make mistakes and I believe people can redeem themselves.

Years later he meets me, he is a different person now,mature, doesn't use weed, is an avid church member,has an honest job respectable but not great) he's divorced from his ex and happy since we've been together. We're good with each other and respect one another and very much in love. Only one problem..... Do you think his past will effect my military career? My parents thinks it's a big mistake to marry because of his discharge which would be harder for him to get a good job and chances are I might be supporting him rather than him support me. And that seems to be a big problem for them. I understand they don't want me to carry the burden of the man's faults but he's not dependent on me he has his own job. But I am not worried about who will support who, that's my parent's issues. The fact is we love each other And my family just don't seem to understand that.

I'm curious for some good advice from people who been through this or is in the military that know about how things like this work. Anyway Thanks ;)

Answer 1

It could affect what jobs are available to you in the military and where you could be sent (some places are higher security than others.)  And if they (the military) decides that they need you at base Z but your hubby can't be cleared to go, then you'll go without him.  

My husband married "wrong" with his first wife too, but he didn't blow his career because of it.  A guy who not only ruins his military career but also chances at a good life on the outside is not worth it.  Yeah he's in a high point of his life now, but what happens when things get rough again.  Think about it hard before you marry the "wrong" guy.  

Answer 2

Your husbands background should not have any effect on your own career.....Also did your husband get a dishonorable discharge or a general discharge? i know a lot of guys who were chaptered out for drugs but still got an honorable discharge. But again...they are more concerned with your history then that of your husband.My husband gave them my name,social,and a marriage license,and thats about it...they dont really care...unless hes on the terrorist watch list or something.....

As far as your parents...SO long as he is not abusive,and is not relying on you to make all the money (aka sitting on his bum doing nothing) then your relationship should be okay,as long as you accept that he may never have a huge money making career :D

Best of luck

Answer 3

Quite honestly, girl, have you stop to consider if this guy is the very best you can do?  He is according to what you say 'damaged goods' and despite how bad his first marriage might have been, it wasn't his ex-wife who got busted with 'weed', it was him.  Part of being an adult is accepting responsibility for our actions and this is what I'm getting out of your question; His ex-wife got him into trouble, his ex-wife caused his to use 'weed' and get busted out of the military, his ex-wife ruined his life, but he has managed to turn himself around since he got away from her...   Does those sound like the statements of somebody who takes responsibility for his own actions?  Doesn't he contribute in some manner to the failure of his marriage or is it all her fault?  This seems to be the basis where I would object to the relationship if I was your father.

Love is a emotional response and isn't at all grounded in logic, I have loved many people in my life, however they haven't all been wise loves which have withstood the test of time.  I suppose that you shall go wherever it is your heart leads you, but you should be very careful to temper the decisions of the heart with reason.  It is possible for a person who has fallen to redeem himself, but I don't see the redemption you're speaking about.  I hope your vision hasn't been clouded in the misty haze of love....

Answer 4

The only way your husband's past could possibly effect your military career is if you need a high level security check.  At that point, they would look into his life as well and his discharge would become known.  If you work in a field that requires your security clearance to be updated regularly, talk with your supervisor or someone in your command, they can give you the most accurate information or you can speak with someone in JAG.

I tend to agree with the other's who have said that if you and your sweetie are ok with the fact that you are the primary wage earner (and some men can feel threatened by that, hence why I include his feelings on the situation as part of thr equation), then it is no one else's business...even your parent's...what so ever.  At 26, you are more than capable of making a choice on whom you will share your life with and while having your parents accept and understand your choice is understandable, many of us know it is not always possible.  It may be time for a serious sit down with you and your folks.  Let them know you understand and appreciate their concern, but you and your spouse to be are not bothered by this situation.  Make it clear that this subject is not up for any further discussion and if it does arise, simply excuse yourself or change topics.

Answer 5

Problem number 1 - your parents are in your business.  Girl you are 26.

2nd he can get a good job even after being discharged.  Do you know how many people i know that got put out for getting high and they work with the Army?  One is KBR over here in Iraq making 118 thousand a year, the other, works at the finance department on the same post she got put out at for smoking weed.  The Army says its hard to get a job, but baby, it really isn't

3rd, they might ask about your spouse, but only answer the questions they ask, don't give any additional information, period.  If they don't ask, don't tell

Your husband can go to Kuwait and get him a job making big money, i bet then your parents won't have S**t to say.  My husband has a felony charge and he worked off shore, making alot of money.  There are opportunities out there, he just has to go out there and find them.  Don't let your parents run your life.  They want the best, but sometimes, when you are looking in, you don't know what is best.  If you love this man and he loves you and he makes you happy and is a good man, girl stay with your man.  Your parents will learn to accept him and if they don't, when you marry you separate from your parents and your spouse becomes your new family.  Never disrespect them, but live your life.

Answer 6

Whats up. Im in the military to. Im only 22 but I was married the year before last. I learned that it is never a good reason to get married if you have any doubts about anything from the start. The best thing to do is put everything out on the table and think about a solution. If you dont like any of the solutions and everything is pointing to all bad conclusions. Then it would be in your best interest to not do anything just cause love is floating around. Then again just be happy with whatever choice you make cause you thought about it for a reason. Just always put you first cause when you married you become as one. And in the military its hard to do that because your always gone. But life is life right? See ya. You should e-mail sometime.  [e-mail]

Answer 7

Why do you want to get married just before you go off to boot camp? My sister did this and a boot camp honeymoon was more stress than the marriage could handle. She sure wishes she'd waited until the planned separations had been behind her before she got married. Her enlistment lasted longer than the marriage. The military is not the greatest environment for matrimony, especially not for new recruits.

In general, your spouse's record becomes your record. At best, that's one of the great strengths of marriage. Life doesn't always run at its best and most of us carry some sort of baggage into the mix and the good marriages find their way past it.

Answer 8

His marrying the wrong girl won't have any impact on your military career.  However, if you need a high clearance for the job you want his actions in getting out of the situation may make getting that clearance harder.

You're 26.  You're an adult and you have some life experience.  It sounds like you've heard your parent's thoughts on this guy.  I always say at least listen to why they think the guy isn't right for you because sometimes people outside the relationship see things that the people inside the relationship miss.  But you've done that.  As long as you and your guy are ok with you possibly making more money then him tell your parents to let it go.