Can my friend keep her baby for 99 mor days before having the adoptive parents take him home?

Question

My friend is two months preggo, and she's decided on what to do--give it up for adoption. But she says that she wants to keep the baby for 99 more days, once she delivers, before she gives it to the adoptive parents. Can she do that?

Answer 1

WHY OH WHY would she want to be so selfish and mean? Good GOD! Oh, she wants to have the baby and hold it and hug it and love it and then give it up after 99 days?!!!!! After the baby is used to her mommy's smell and touch, her voice, all that?! what kind of friend do you have? i mean, what kind of person is she for crying out loud? either you want your baby or you DON"T!!!!!! i have to give her a big congrads on being smart enough to know she can't raise her babu and wants her or him to have a good home, but why- i NEED to know why she wants to keep this baby for 99 days? where the h**l did 99 days come up? is 100 too long for her? okay- so i'm just so goddamn upset right now! she wants to have her baby for the first THREE d**n months and then give it away after she's had her fill? she's a selfish, horrible girl. i feel so angry and sick right now. tell her she's great for wanting to have her baby have a better life and she's a total ***** for wanting to only keep it for three months. how can you even speak to someone so disgusting? AHHHH! i'm a mother of 3 gorgeous beautiful wonderful kids, their baby months were so awesome! but that is BONDING time for mom and baby, not selfish me me me time! my oldest is 9 and he's just as awesome now as he was when he was my sweet cuddly baby. how dare that girl even think to do that to that poor innocent child? give her or him away after the birth! that way he/she can bond with the NEW mommy. Babies NEED THAT!

Answer 2

It's hard to take this question seriously..your friend must be 16 with not a lot sense.

Answer 3

Wow.  Ilovemarykay your answer is very angry and totally uncalled for.  You need an attitude adjustment.  Swearing and yelling is so not the way to get your point across, instead you come off as some crazy loon.  Just wow.

To the question asker: Your friend can do whatever she wants with HER baby.  If she wants to spend the first three or so months with the baby before placing her/him for adoption she has every right to do so.

Answer 4

A child can be placed for adoption at any time, and saying that most adoptive parents are at the birth (some are, some aren't), is not 100% accurate.

But, my question is, where does this 99 day idea come from.  Sounds flaky.  Hmm, here is a baby and I will only love the child for 99 days?  Day 100, there you go?  

If your friend is unsure about her plans (and 2 months along is early), she should get some counselling and seek advice from all sides of this issue.  This way she can make an informed decision about what she wants to do.  

99 days is not going to make up her mind one way or the other.  Please advise her to seek help in making her plans.

Best of luck.

Answer 5

YES she can.. though I can guarentee you that the agency, lawyer and prespective adoptive parents will not like it one bit because it greatly decreases the chance that she will go through with the surrender.

She can do anything she wants to do becasue it is HER BABY. AS long as she DOES NOT sign the final relinquishement papers that transfer custody to the agency or anyone..she has as much rights as ANY OTHER MOTHER.

Also, she really cannot decide what to do until AFTER the baby is born.. things change 100% when she gives birth...she still has a long way to go.. be  good freind and save her from a life long trip of loss and greif. She will be someones mother and NOTHING will change that.

Answer 6

She can keep her baby for as long as she wants.  It's her baby.  It's best not to match with adoptive parents until after birth and she has had time to try to parent.  I'm confused about the decision ahead of time to keep the baby for 99 days and then give the child up for adoption.  It seems to me that she should be approaching this from the perspective of getting ready to try to parent, but knowing she may not be able to, having a plan to place her child for adoption if she ends up not being able to parent.  Why the predecided 99 days?

Answer 7

Yes, technically I believe you can do that.  It probably is not the best idea.  If she kept the baby that long, both she and the baby would become attached to one another.  The process of giving the baby to the adoptive parents would be much harder on both of them.  I think a better idea would be to choose parents who agree to a very open adoption.

I felt the same way about my baby.  I wanted to stay with him as long as I possibly could.  The parents I choose for my son, are the best people I've ever met.  They want me to be a part of his life.  So I still get to see him whenever I want.  Plus I talk to them on the phone at least once a week.  So it isn't really like I ever lost him.  Its more like I got a bigger family.

She can choose to stay in the hospital with baby for an extra day or two, that is what I did.  And make sure to tell her to make the best of all the time she does have with him or her!

Answer 8

Of course she can keep her baby, the potential adoptive parents have no rights to her baby until they finalize the adoption.

The mother/baby bond is sacred and should be honored and is by no means selfish - it's nature and a baby should be with his/her mother.

I hope she doesn't give her baby away to strangers.  All baby wants is Mommy - his/her own Mommy.  There is no substitute.

Answer 9

she can give the baby up for adoption anytime but she will most likely grow attached to the baby.. i mean what is 99 days going to do after delivering the baby.. ask her this .. and let her decide

Answer 10

It usually takes at least 6 mo for the paperwork to go through on an adoption, and until you actually get the court papers the birth mother can change her mind.  But the longer she keeps the baby the more she will get attached, so why would she want all that heartbreak?  Either give it up right away, or keep it.

Answer 11

I read a blog about a woman who took her child home from the hospital because she didn't want to sign the papers there. She kept him for a week, took a ton of pictures, ect, then the adoptive parents came and took him home. It seemed to work out very well for her and the parents. This way the child also gets essential milk from the mother, assuming she's willing to nurse and is able to nurse. Anyhow, I think it could work out just fine. And if she decides to keep the baby in that time, then all is still well. The adoptive couple should be aware of that risk, and so should she. Better than having regrets long down the road...

Answer 12

yes! She should not make an adoption plan and try parenting first, then if she decides that she wants to continue on with the idea of "adoption" there are plenty of parents and plenty of profiles she'll have no problem finding someone to adopt her baby.

Answer 13

Why?

The first three months are the hardest.  

Your friend is in control.  She should just wait till about day 60 then start the adoption plan rolling.  No need to set it up now.

Answer 14

Personally I think 98 days should be the limit.

Answer 15

Highly unlikely! Sounds like she really doesn't want to give it up. 99 days will only make it harder for her to give it up. It is the most difficult decision a woman can make. She will live with that decision for the rest of her life. My heart goes out to her. It is the "morally" right decision, but the pain will never go away. She will always wonder where her child is.

Answer 16

Very simple-just don't sign consent forms until she is ready to give the baby up for adoption.  As an adoptive parent, I'd really be leary of helping her with any expenses until I had the baby in my arms.

The main thing is to do the best thing for the baby.  If she's going to give it up, it can be hard to take it home, then transition it to another home.  When I adopted my son, the birth mom came to visit 11 days after he was born, and he cried the entire time in her arms, and was immediately quiet when I held him.  By then, he knew the routines, and he knew me.  She hasn't visited since.  Also, if she has a couple picked out, and they meanwhile find another baby, will she have to pick out a new couple?  I would suggest an open adoption for her, maybe even where she could express milk daily to have some bonding with the child, then she could continue to work with the adoptive parents, and all could love the child.  She has the rights to do whatever she wants, however, so do adoptive parents, although the adoptive parents have fewer choices, because they also will be in love with the baby the second they know he/she is born.  I see this as a disruption in the baby's life, but also, babies are adaptable to many situations.  My prayers are with your friend, and as an adoptive mom, we are so thankful to get a child, no matter what age, that any adoptive parents to be will love it.  This is a rough situation, and she'll just have to think what is best for the baby.  Good luck!

Also, be prepared for some hate mail on this site about giving a child up.

Answer 17

I'm not sure what the laws are for each state....I would think that an attorney would know that. Also, I don't think the adoptive parents would be too keen on her having the baby for 3 months before they get him/her. I've never heard of that since usually the adoptive parents are at the birth, ready to take the baby home right away. She'd have to talk to a lawyer to discuss her rights.