Can one ever truly escape the pressures of society?

Question

Hi, I am what you might call a loner. Ever since the end of my sophomore year of high school, I have (voluntarily) had no friends. Since then, I have become somewhat of a social recluse. I go see movies by myself, play racquetball against myself, practice basketball alone, read a lot, watch a lot of history channel, and do pretty much everything in solitude.

I am now 23 years old, living alone, and working on my astronomy degree (masters). I have never pursued a romantic relationship and do not plan on doing so. I enjoy being alone for the most part. I have never been a people person. More the opposite, as you could have well guessed. It's not that I lack the ability to socialize with other people, it's just that it discomforts me a great deal. I find that I have nothing in common with ordinary people.

Unfortunately, sometimes I may see an attractive girl walking down the road or overhear a conversation I'd like to partake in, but this does not fit into how I've conditioned myself to behave. I have trained myself to be resolute in my restraint of social interaction. So it is only natural that these yearnings to be apart of society would trouble me. I'd really prefer not to lose any sleep over this though.

Does anyone have any tips for me on way to go about removing my persistent desires for "belonging." I realize that humans, by nature, are a social species, and this may be harder than it sounds. Any help would be appreciated.

Answer 1

i think social interaction is a good thing.

Answer 2

You are certainly not a recluse. A recluse will not go out of his home, for the most part. While you may consider yourself a "loner", it's not what you truly desire. Your desire to interact with only certain people make me think you're linking for one very meaningful relationship. Try dating, find a woman who's smart and can engage you in deep conversation. I think you will be satisfied.

Answer 3

I'm sure you've read all the psychological pow wow about how sad your condition is. But I've got this to say, if you're happy with the way you've chosen and see yourself in your eighty's hobbling all alone and still happy, then go for it. But if you feel the urge to speak up, don't shut up just because it will feel like you're betraying you're cause. No one cares anyway but you. Talk to that chick then shut up again (she'll probably think you're the strong silent type anyway.

Answer 4

I am not sure that it is possible...it's human nature.  Remember that long ago, humans invented society...it was not forced upon us, we came up with this all by ourselves.

  There are many ways that you fit into society, even though you may reject interaction with many of the members.  You go to school, and do papers, which are read by someone.  You follow A.P.A. format in order to get your work accepted, and you follow laws in order to remain within the general population. All of these are societal functions.

   You mentioned that you "have nothing in common with ordinary people," yet this implies that there are some extraordinary people that you do associate with. This is society...like it or not.  Why fight it?

Answer 5

I commend your self-honesty and awareness, and I know people similar enough to you that I think I understand it.  Having said that, to be perfectly honest about my own humble opinion, I think that removing completely any persistent desires to "belong", may not only be very difficult.. but for most people, even for the very introverted, it's probably impossible.

Like you said, people are a social species.  And study after psychological study has shown strong positive correlation between human happiness and healthy social interactions... in fact, after fulfilment of basic physical needs, quality of social interaction is probably the single biggest determinant of happiness/fulfillment.  I'm closely related to someone who semi-entered a lifestyle similar to yours.  And although it currently functions (for the most part), and although  I see that he's (mostly) settled and content, I fear/sense it won't work in the long run... Even though it won't seem like it now, reaching your 30's, then 40's, still completely alone, I think is a formula begging for sserious denial and depression...

My advice to you is to practice your social skills, no matter how painful and uncomfortable it will be... simply because I'm betting you'll be glad you did someday.  I'm an introvert myself, and after a lifetime of experience to the contrary, it was only my 20's that I learned that social skills realy are *skills* just like any other, that can be learned and practiced and honed to a useful degree.  And learning that, surprisingly, improved my quality of life tenfold, and I hadn't even been aware of any lack in my life been aware.  My advice is to make at least 1 or 2 friends, with people whose personalities and interests are very similar to yours (which I admit may be hard to find, since you dont count yourself as an "ordinary" person), even if you're not that close and buddy-buddy with them, and start from there.  Or h**l, make friends online.. it's easy to be glib and conversational using the anonymity of the internet, and that way you get to retain your solitude to some extent as well.  I really think learning to be sociable, despite the extreme discomfort that may go along with it, is both very useful and necessary in the long run.

But if you really insist on pursuing a loner lifestyle, then my advise is to avoid all people altogether.. live in the mountains or something.  Out of sight, out of mind.

Also, try watching or reading the book/movie "Into The Wild".  It's a true story chronicling the foray of an intelligent young man, Christopher McCandless, away from society into solitude and what he learned from it.

Answer 6

I think instead of completely cutting yourself off from other people you should interact with them. There's no such things as 'ordinary' people. People are multifaceted and you can find many interesting qualities about people if you do more than scratch the surface.

You are not the only person in the wolrd that may be interesting.

Answer 7

it is fine to be socially isolated i've done that most of my life though i always had one good friend and a few casual aquaintences, try going to an event you really like you might find out you have something in common with someone and if not just stick to what works for you.  you always know better than anyone what you need