Can people be genetically modified?

Question

My 87 year old housekeeper Mrs Humpfrey's took so long bringing me my breakfast in bed this morning that by the time she had walked up to the 7th floor my boiled eggs were luke warm.

Can I have her genetically altered so I don't have to go through this traumatic experience again, maybe If I inject some kangaroo DNA into her it will get her moving a bit more lively. Do you think this will work?

Answer 1

Kangaroo DNA will not mix with human DNA.  You should have her blasted with heavy doses of Gamma radiation, as this will give her super powers.  Then she could fly through the window quick as a wink old boy!

Answer 2

It may be more profitable for you to fill your housekeeper with hydrogen, so she will simply float up the stairs.

If she misbehaves, offer her a cigar.

Answer 3

Give the old bird a shot of this:

http://www.audubonmagazine.org/birds/bir...

“…… they may be able to cover the one-way trip--more than 1,000 miles--in a single day.”

"they can fly over 50 miles an hour on their own power," Fedde says. "Add the thrust of tailwinds of perhaps 100 miles an hour if they are lucky, and these birds really move."

“Birds can also pant for prolonged periods without constricting the blood vessels in their brains. So even when physically taxed, they keep their wits about them. By contrast, prolonged panting in people reduces blood flow to the brain, which primes them for bad decision making--hence the occasional unfortunate climber who blithely strolls off a cliff.”

She may start objecting to your boiled eggs, though.

Answer 4

might get scrambled eggs .

Answer 5

worth a shot

Answer 6

well, i don't think it's possible now, but you could:

1) try to do it

2) Get another housekeeper

3) get your own breakfast

4) have a slice of bread instead

Answer 7

try giveing her a boost couse of female genectic hormones or you could fit a stennerlift chair to bring her upstairs or better still you could get up an go downstairs for your breakfast every so ofthen to give her a rest to recupuerate

Answer 8

Never mind DNA good Sir! That part of Science is still an untamed animal at present.

Instead think Cybernetic Implantations, currently the Japanese have this under wraps, but I'm sure a knowing Letter and a gift of a few dancing Fillies to the Ambassador would warrant them sending you a Prototype that would aid your Elderly Mrs Humphfrey's walking ailment.

Yep! A Exto Skeletal Robotic Walking Apparatus. Strapped to the Old Dear's pale, veiny pins, the Robotic Legs would take all the strain off her, enabling her to walk at a brisk and speedy rate. Turn it up, she'd be as fast as Sebastian Coe on Ecstasy.

She'd be grateful to thee too. Her beady little eyes twinkling and barely able to suppress whoops of joy as the silly Old Trotter Gallivants around the garden dropping the odd quack here and there.

Glad to be of service. VG

Answer 9

Rotter old bean, most of the common folk in the world have been genetically modified with the chav Geno called "scrotusskivingtheivingscumbaginbreadsix... " it has had a dramatic effect on the population of the inner city folk and is spreading to the outer reaches of rural England ?

Mrs Humphrey's does not need modification she just need to be flogged, Ive told you man pop the old Jack boots on and she will snap to attention ?

Answer 10

Better still... have the working class oik flogged!

Answer 11

Splendid idea old boy, just the other day on my television set I saw a documentary on this very subject entitled 'Gremlins 2'.

Evidentially one may create all sorts of freakish monsters by injecting them with random stuff.

And I seem to recall there was a creature in it dressed like a grotesque mockery of a woman, all green and wrinkly with big ears, a scrawny body and a hideous face smeared in cheap lipstick.

So perhaps Mrs Humpfrey's is already no stranger to genetic manipulation.

Toodle pip.

Answer 12

Well that is a bit complex process because simply injecting Kangaroo's DNA would not work .You have to take her DNA  and the Kangaroo's and mix them and then inject it in her body and that might work.There is no guarantee of success.

Answer 13

brilliant Rotter!

not only will that put a extra spring her step , hopefully she will grow that pouch thingy ...this will save her extra trips up the stairs and she will get her work done in half the time .(you will have to dock her pay of coarse)

and for Jenkins ...try some rattle snake DNA...it will be fun to see him rattle every time you walk by ..and as added bonus he will keep the manor free of vermin.( tax collectors and missionary types )

Answer 14

Maybe you could have an elevator installed.

Answer 15

I tried this with my servant, I injected the DNA of a Whippet, It was OK but she kept sniffing my accoutrement's and then was difficult to catch, I'm afraid your dabbling with science will be your downfall Young Man, I suggest you get a younger housekeeper, now, I have employed Fifi, she is 18, and very eager to please, so I strongly recommend you to do the same,(by the way, Fifi has a sister, so, Quick Sharp about it)

Answer 16

My good fellow, its no doubt this wench has been day dreaming again, and that has been the cause for her delay. If I may offer my services, I could easily administer a lobotomy. I promise not to keep this filthy peasant from her daily chores, only takes ten minutes. Just a quick thrust of a knitting needle up her right nostril, and then a flick of the wrist and viola its an instant happy homemaker.

Answer 17

What a stupid question.

Why not get out of bed, you lazy jerk, and get your OWN dang breakfast????

Answer 18

Alas no, it cannot be done, otherwise I would have had Cuthbertson and his oaf of a son modified into some thing that resembles a human being. when a gorilla died at Regents park zoo, they cried for 3 days saying 'mummy has gone now' I could also have Lady Agatha reshaped into a Catherine Zeta Jones lookalike, I say old chap what a novel idea.

Answer 19

Sadly the side effects include her speaking with an annoying "tithiithing" sound and she will turn up to warn you of small children stuck down mineshafts or impending bushfires.  I suggest cheetah's legs.  I hear animal prints are all the rage on the catwalks, so your gesture will double as a fashion statement.