Can sexual fantasies about someone other than one's spouse harm a marriage?

Question

Is it haram? Is it zina/cheating?

The secular point of view is more of an evolutionary phychologist point of view saying that it is natural, even healthy to sexually fantasize about other women other than your wife.

I have a hard time not seeing it as zina.

Any thoughts?

Answer 1

Ibn alQayyim speaks timeless words of wisdom in his al-Fawāid when he says:

“Ward off passing thoughts, for if you do not, they will become ideas.

Ward off ideas, for if you do not, they will become desires.

Fight the desires, for if you do not, they will become resolve and determination.

And if you do not ward them off, they will become actions.

If you do not resist them with its opposite, they will become habits.

And it will be difficult for you to get rid of them.”

Answer 2

exactly what Sui said..

but still I feel honesty is best, no matter what, even though its will result in the worst, you've gotta work it out :D

Answer 3

I agree with Ibn al-Qayyim, may Allah rest his soul. It's best to stop these thoughts for they may lead to zina. Be thankful for the spouse you have or you will never be happy.

Answer 4

No, It's in your mind.

Answer 5

Thought is the first step in becoming an action, so one should avoid it.  And anything coming from the devil can harm us in many ways, as that is the goal of the devil.

That at the same time doesn't get written as an evil deed unless someone acted upon their evil thoughts.  This is what I know from the rulings.

Answer 6

It can be detrimental. No joke.

I wanna be a psychologist when I'm older, but lemme tell ya, some of the stuff they come out with. Tch tch.

Like they say sexual experiment is a part of growing up.

So that's not haram now? Let's just go and sleep around, coz we're just 'growing up!'. Yeah right, it's still haram no matter what they say.

They also say (according to psychologies magazine) that the sexuality of a woman ebbs and flows. I.e she sometimes has feelings (sexual feelings) for women. So that's gonna make homosexuality halal? No.

Thinking of another man/woman instead of your spouse is zina of the mind. It's hard coz everyone has crushes, but be firm in faith.

We shouldn't listen to people who justify haram things. At the end of the day, Islam is our guidance, not some crazy, adultery justifying psychologist.

Answer 7

I do not know but I fantasy about Ranoush (rana) at least 3-4 nights a week.

Answer 8

Don't tell your spouse. It might make them feel uncomfortable, and you don't want to sacrifice the comfort and safety in a marriage. I'd say avoid it if you can, but if you can't then it's all right. There are bigger sins to worry about.

EDIT; But for sure don't act on them.

EDIT: Also, personally speaking, as a married young woman, I wouldn't feel comfortable with my husband having fantasies abotu another woman. I don't have fantasies abotu men, and I dont buy that whole "Oh men are built for non-manogamous relationships!"

Oh btw, when I say "you" I don't mean specifically you.

Answer 9

I think if one did have those feelings, one should not share those feelings with their spouse. It could create issues