Can she do this?

Question

Hello. I'm not sure what to say or think. First of all, my sister's situation isn't ideal. She's living away from family, trying to go to school while she and her boyfriend try to make ends meet. To top it off, she is 37 weeks pregnant! They just moved into a small rental house which turns out has a pest problem. I was talking to her today and she is wondering how to word an email - the ones where people ask for money, like a dollar or whatever to help out. Is this even legal? I'd help her out if I could. If it is so bad that she has to resort to this, I just feel bad for them and the baby. I am one of those so-called heartless people who delete emails like that. I have mixed feelings. What do I tell her?

Answer 1

Your sister has chosen to be in the situation that she is in.  She chose to leave her family before she had completed her education.  She chose to become pregnant before she could afford the time or the money to raise it.  It is now time for her to start making the right choices.

She needs to seriously consider giving up the baby for adoption so that it can be raised by loving parents who not only want to have a child but can afford to raise a child.

She needs to move back home, if possible, and finish her education.  She needs to graduate and then complete either an apprenticeship or vocational training in order to get started on a career.  

If she posts a plea for money and receives some, she will only be  encouraged to continue with her history of poor choices.  She needs to accept that being an adult is not always easy but there are rewards for those who make the effort and do the work

Answer 2

Boy, this is tough. People need to take responsibility for their own bad decisions. Your sister evidently has a knack for making them. Good luck with that email. Like you pretty much everyone else is going to delete it.

I don't know the full situation but I do know there is always hope and begging usually isn't the right solution. There are food pantries in every city, WIC for pregnant girls, food stamps for anyone who doesn't qualify, Section 8 for housing payments, and many other forms of welfare.

If it's so bad she has to resort to begging she probably has waited almost too long to "fix" it. So now she needs to knuckle down and get to work.

Pregnant or not she needs a job. She may have to put off school for a while and get food back on her table. Tough times call for tough action - believe me, I'm in the mortgage industry, it's tough on us all - and you to be tough and loving in your support. She needs to know that the reason she is in her current situation is because of her decisions and it helps to feel that pain just a little - or enough to make it stick.

There are jobs she can do - if it means she has to suspend her educational activities to eat then it's not a decision she needs to make it's a decision she has to make. Food and shelter are primitives and required for all people. Unfortunately her inability to create the proper setup to this point is not efficient.

She can do it if she focuses and starts making the right decision instead of the wrong decisions (which includes no decision). The best thing you can do is to support her by pushing her to do the right thing - every day, every hour if required. You may even suggest some free financial and life counseling for her.

Best to you both and Godspeed.