Can some cat lovers/owners/behavior experts help decipher what this cat is trying to say?

Question

A "stray" cat has recently been coming to my home. My mom feeds the feral cats. This cat, who we call Tom Cat is now regularly coming to our home for our attention. Unlike the others, he is not afraid of people.

We assumed he must be owned, but we don't know for sure. He is not neutered and when he first turned up he was in poor condition. His weight has improved since he has been coming to our home.

While he is very affectionate toward my family, he is behaving in ways I don't understand (being I have never owned a cat). I am hoping you good people can help me understand what his actions mean.

He now comes on our deck at night and stares in at us, meowing until we come out. He will rub against my legs and accept head rubs. But just today, he has acted aggressively. When I walked out on the deck, not paying particular attention to him, he scratched my leg. He also did this when I went toward the door to go inside. I would assume he wanted attention, but when my mom was loving on him earlier today, he turned and scratched her for "no apparent reason". When she tapped his nose and said no, he growled and ran a distance before stopping to groom himself. What could this mean? He also nips for what appears to be no apparent reason. I noticed it is mostly when he is near our house. Is he being possessive, or trying to assert himself over me and my family?

Grateful for any help!

Answer 1

This is standard operating procedure for an outdoor, feral male cat. He is not to be trusted any further than to feed him and keep your hands away from his scratches and nips. He will not change.

I had such a kitty for a long time who came to visit with me every single day and I loved him and fed him. I called him Arny. After about 4 years of doing that I thought I could depend on him to be somewhat friendly. But although he recognized me and came when I called him, he would still scratch me with his powerful paws when I tried to get close to him.

Play the game his way and feed him and water him. Don't expect love. He will deliver familiarity but not love. And he is an outstanding example of the independence of cats. (Picture below)

Eventually he got caught in a "Havahart" trap I set out for him and took him to the Humane Society to take part in their TNR program (Trap Neuter Release). I took him in at 9:30 in the morning and picked him up for release at 4:30 that same day.

I opened the cage door in my garage and left the garage door cracked so he could leave when he was fully recovered. The next morning he was outside my front door meowing for his breakfast!

Sadly he died sometime in the next year. But I will never forget Arnie.

Answer 2

I have a cat that does this…..

She is now 9 years old and has been friendly/aggressive her whole life. She will be friendly and welcome affection then out of nowhere will scratch or bite the person petting her. The vet explained to us that she basically feels threatened more then most cats in her situation. She desires affection but then may feel threatened if you pet her at a certain angle etc. This makes her natural survival instincts come out which I am sure your “Tom Cat” is feeling since he lives outside. Some cats are friendly by nature and others can be aggressive. This cat may want to be friendly and accept human affection but only does so with extreme caution. The cat is basically reminding you that “You can pet me, but I am just reminding you that even though I am allowing myself to be vulnerable; I can attack at any time.”  This action is there way of showing dominance over the situation.

Answer 3

I'm not an expert but I know that cats have incredible senses. Could be that he is just for one of you only. Years ago we had a cat "soxy" she was so smart and sensitive. When I was sad, she would come over and l**k me as though she knew how I felt. She was particularly close to my daughter. We lost sight of her and never saw her again. Then one night my daughter dreamt that "soxy" came to her = licked her and then went off. We figured that she passed away and wanted to let us know. That was years ago and I still think of her. Try to ignore her for a while and see what happens.

Answer 4

With a stray cat it's hard to know why they act the way they do.

If he's being aggressive towards you and your family a lot of different things could be going on.

Do you have any other pets- and therefore a vet? Or is there a PetSmart with a Banfield Pet Hospital nearby? You could try taking him in (in a safe pet carrier) to have him scanned to see if he's microchipped.

You should also call animal shelters to see if anyone has reported a cat missing that fits his description.

However, if he's nipping/biting/scratching you shouldn't reward him with your contact anymore. He could have a disease, such as rabies, which can seriously affect humans. Right now he probably thinks that you're a food source, and if you stop feeding you then he'll get defensive and try to MAKE you give him food. If that's the way he's acting, stop feeding him. It might make you feel bad (especially since he's begging) but it's best not to feed stray animals for this very reason.

I hope you figure something out! (:

Answer 5

My family takes care of ferals too. We had this one guy who was born in a neighbor's house, but later joined the feral colony. He trusted humans and wanted attention, but when he got to a certain age (about maybe two years old) he started acting like that and eventually didn't want anything to do with humans at all. It was because he wasn't fixed; he wanted to be tough for the ladies, I guess. After we caught him and got him fixed, he tamed right down and there was no more hissing, growling, or scratching, he was just an affectionate boy.

The stroking you and then suddenly nipping you sounds like a "love nip", which is an (unpleasant) personality quirk many cats have. In the wild, that's their way of saying "You're mine". I'd make sure he had all his vaccinations though, just in case he breaks the skin.

Answer 6

The nipping you describe sounds like what's called "love bites."  Cats don't have the verbal skills to tell us what they want/need so they have to tell us in SOME way that they want us to stop petting or rubbing them.  Usually, love bites occur when cats are being petted and when they feel that they've had enough.  Sure, being petted is enjoyable but can become irritating after a while and the love bites are their way of telling us it's time to back off.  A cat shouldn't be punished for this, but you should respect his wishes and just back off.  After a while, you'll learn to recognize the look in his eyes when he's just about to bite and will be able to back away before the bite actually happens.  That's how it is with MY cat, anyway.  

Answer 7

The scratching and nipping are both "hunting" traits...A cat that has been raised in the house still has the instinct to hunt and sometimes he just lashes out at whatever is the closest...Since he's seems really tame, you may want to clip his nails so he can't do any actual damage with his "playing"...

He probably stares at you because he's used to being an inside cat...He longs to be part of the family.. :-)

Answer 8

Cats are funny and fickle and a mystery. I don't think anyone could ever fully understand what makes them do what they do. This cat probably has attached himself to you and your family because you have fed him and are loving to him. But be careful because cat's mouths have A LOT of bacteria and can carry a plethora of diseases. If this cat is feral, or just likes to roam the neighborhood, there's no telling what he could give you through his bites. If you decide to take him in as your own, take him to the vet and make sure you get him tested and get him fixed. And if you don't keep him, but still like to love on him, make sure you wash your hands and if he ever pierces your skin with a bite, you should see a doctor, just in case. Wouldn't want rabies.

Answer 9

The cat is a stray and it's probably because it's not use to humans

Answer 10

He may have come from an abusive situation and wants affection but is reluctant to trust you fully. He may always be this way. Give him a break, though. You don't know what he's already been through.

Getting him neutered may help---and while you're at it, trap and have neutered the feral cats as well. You'll never regret getting the whole colony neutered. They won't reproduce and will be less aggressive toward one another....and ask them to help you find discounted spay/neuter  services for your colony.

If you can't afford to buy a trap, borrow one from a local animal welfare group.

Answer 11

He may have never been a pet or been a pet long ago who was treated poorly.

We have a few out of the group we feed who are friendly but don't especially seem like they were once owned.  They want affection but are also frustrated and confused by that.  Instinct says stay away but they still have a drive to hear a positive tone of voice and be petted. Even pet cats tend to express frustration very poorly.  I would guess he is a needy kitty who wants you to love him but feels conflicted and probably still a bit afraid of you.  I don't think he's trying to control you or means any harm.  I think he nips because even though he loves being petted there is still that instinct to fear people.

Most of the ones we put out food for run away.  One answers to kitty and I believe he was a pet.  Two were terrified but gradually became friendly.  The now friendly ones can be temperamental, demanding, and cranky but also very sweet and loving.  I really believe they are confused and frustrated sometimes because they have learned to distrust people but now they know two people who are nice to them.

Try to be firm with him about the biting, say NO even if it means he runs away.  He needs to understand the rules of being around people. But try to be patient with him, his life has been tough and scary.  I am sure he appreciates the help and love your family provides.

Best of luck with him and all the others!

Answer 12

Cats are extremely fickle and moody creatures.  I am a cat person and I have lived with them my entire life, including one of the most eccentric cats who ever lived.

I'm not a vet or an animal behavior expert, but as a cat lover I would guess he was just trying to assert himself.  Or, he could have just been having a kitty mood swing.  They do that, really.  Cats aren't like dogs, they're quite a bit more mentally & emotionally complicated.  Sometimes when you're petting them and you stop only for a moment, they'll nip because they are DEMANDING that you keep petting them or suffer the consequences!