Can some please give their opinion on the beginning of my book?

Question

The day before school started was probably the hottest day of the summer. The sky was a clear blue, and the sun was directly above us. Wendy and I were lying in reclining beach chairs on my backyard pool deck, wearing our matching orange billabong bikinis and pink sunglasses, soaking up as much sun as we could before starting ninth grade tomorrow.

A playlist of songs by Bowling for Soup (our favorite band) was blasting from my thin white iPod speakers. We were sipping pink lemonade, and sharing our worst fears for the coming year.

“What if we get lost, and can’t find our class?” Wendy sat up, and slid her sunglasses on top of her head.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure the teacher will help us.. I’m more concerned about high school boys...” I remember seeing a group of high school boys walk by my house everyday on their way home, they looked so tall, and old.

“Cass, don’t worry, the boys will be the exact same as the ones from last year, after all the kids in our grade this year are the same as last year,” Wendy laughed, as she stood up, and walked over to the edge of the pool.

“Ya, I know, but still,” I got up and followed her, setting my lemonade down on the glass table.

“Lets not think about school. lets just enjoy our last free day,” Wendy climbed up onto the diving board, and jumped into the pool. She resurfaced, wiping the hair out of her face. “Come on Cassie! Jump in, have fun!”

I rolled my eyes playfully, then cannonball into the icy water. I swam over to a floating chair, and hoisted my self up. I looked over at Wendy floating on her back, eyes half closed because of the bright sun.

I met Wendy on the first day of the first grade. I remember it so clearly. We had just moved to Seattle, and I was very nervous for school. My mom walked me into the class room, and helped me find my desk. The desks were in groups of two, and my partner was already there. A taller girl, with reddish blonde hair, and freckles dusting her cheeks and nose. My mom introduced me, because I was to shy to do so myself. The girl looked up at us, and responded in a confident, cheerful voice, “Hi! My name is Wendy! We should be friends!” And we were. From that day on.

We have been in the same class every single year, we are inseparable. You hardly ever hear Wendy’s name with out mine in the same sentence, and vise verse. Wendy is the sister I never had, and she always will be

Suddenly, my mind was brought back to the present by a cold splash of water hitting me in the side of the face. “Wedny!” Quickly turning my head to see where she was, I lost my balance, and tipped over into the water. Once I came back up, and caught my breath, I came up behind Wendy, and jumped on her back. She spun around, sending my flying across the pool.

My mom walked out with a tray of cookies, and fresh lemonade, and began laughing when she saw us, “What are you girls doing?”

Wendy swam over to the side of the pool, and climbed up on to the pool deck, taking the tray from my mom. “We are enjoying our last day as middle schoolers, Mrs. Mackenzie,”

Thats the one thing I like most about Wendy, she knows how to enjoy everything, and how to make the most boring situation fun. I hope that it stays ‘Cassie and Wendy’ forever. I can’t imagine my life without a best friend like Wendy. It would be too boring.

Keep in mind I am only 14, and this is only the rough draft. Please give your opinions and critiques!!

Answer 1

Woah, I am blown away by that story, You are a really, really, really, good author. Finish that story, it could becoome a future best seller.

                                    Keep on writing!!

Answer 2

It's nice! I want to know what happens soon! I do really like your use of exquisite and descriptive vocabulary. Like, when you said "We are inseparable" you could've said "We liked each other a lot."

But you chose the nice path :)

Answer 3

whoa

thats really good

you would make a great author xD

Answer 4

It's magnificent!!!

Answer 5

Its Is Too Long For Me To Read But I really liked the last few paragraphs and it seems really good so far i think that if you finish writing the book you give it to a children's story person you know the people that i mean right the people that tell you if your story is good enough to publish

hope this helps

Answer 6

Very good!

Stick with writing if you love it. I used to love writing and won all kinds of awards when I was in school, I had fully intended to become a writer as an adult, but I let life get in the way of that dream and now its always a "what if I had done it" kind of thing that I really regret not following through with. Even still I think about it and my mind teems with so many ideas for what would make a good book, I can even write them in my head, but never have the time to sit down and put them on paper.

You are a good writer at 14, you could be amazing by the time you are 22 and through with college. Stick with it and don't let life get in the way of following through with a really good and attainable dream. Good luck!