Can somebody tell me more about the foster care system and what it's like to be foster parents?

Question

I've learned a lot about the negative side of adoption through YA. I'm still not against adoption and I feel very good about my son's adoption and our adoption agency. However, I can see the benefits of foster care and that it can be better than the flawed adoption system. I would be interested in exploring being foster parents when we are ready to add another child to our family.

I have concerns though. How do you cope knowing that you can raise a child for several years and they can be taken away from you? I know that's the point of foster care but it doesn't make the pain any less. How do foster parents cope with this?

Also, when you foster a child, what is the process to adopt that child?

I would appreciate any personal experiences that foster parents have had. Good and bad.

Answer 1

I have been a foster parent for about a year and a half.  It is one of the most difficult and at the same time rewarding things I have ever done.  My husband and I have had 9 foster children so far and we have learned something different from each one of them.  Every situation and child is unique.  

When you start out, you will be required to go through trainings to learn about the system and all types of other things.  You may want to contact an agency near you and see if they would be willing to let you sit in on some of the trainings to see what you can learn.  Maybe you can also meet some current foster children to see what their experiences have been like.

As for raising the child knowing that they may not stay with you forever, that is one of the most difficult parts of fostering.  I have adored every one of the children in my home and would have adopted them given the chance.  However, I try to look at it from the other side.  I tell myself that my pain is not important.  If they are meant to go home or to another family, I need to believe that that is what is best for them.  It hurts, but that is the way it is.  I know that I gave them a safe, loving environment when it was needed.  Maybe they will remember me and maybe they won't, but I will never forget them!  

Again, it is a difficult thing to do, but it is so rewarding and there is always a need for loving families to step forward for these children!  I hope that you eventually become a foster parent and that you love the experience like I do!  Good Luck!

Answer 2

I have not had any experience with the foster or adoption just yet...but plan to. I never wanted to foster because of the same worries you have....how do you let them go. But I started thinking...it's about making a difference in thier lives and letting them know that there are good people in the world. So even if you only have them for a short time you will have made some sort of a difference in their lives. I remember all the way back to the first grade of people who touched my life. So even if they are young they may still remember you or atleast remember how you made them feel.

Good Luck either way!

Answer 3

Hi, can I answer some of this from a therapist eyes and from a social worker eyes...

the foster parent has a training program to go through

I would suggest you contract directly with the Division of Social Services rather than going through any agency that recurites foster parents...first of all the rate of pay is different and believe me when I say that you will need every nickle you get with the foster children...also you need to know that these children need loads of love and come with loads of emotional baggage that the system has not even begun to address and may not unless you push them to address these issues

Answer 4

You asked "How do you cope knowing that you can raise a child for several years and they can be taken away from you?"

If foster parents cannot give a child unconditional love, they should just stay out of the deal.  If you love someone unconditionally, you love them whether you possess them or not.    Raising children is supposed to give the child a leg up - not slap a shackle around their ankle.

Edit:

Dirtyred, I think I have always answered your questions respectfully while still voicing my views.

How to deal with this emotionally is, I believe, learning to love unconditionally.  The same goes for marriage.  How do you cope knowing that you can be married for several years and still end up in divorce?  Divorce may be painful, but you overcome that by loving the other person enough to want them to be happy, even if that means letting them go out of your life (rather than shackling them).

I don't see how this is attacking YOU.  If I attacked, I attacked the concept of trying to hang on possessively when it is instead time to let go lovingly.

Answer 5

My parents took in foster kids my entire life, and now (being unable to conceive myself) my husband and i take in foster kids. Many foster kids now are foster to adopt, meaning their plan is to be adopted. we currently have a 4 yr old girl and a 9 yr old boy (brother and sis) who are waiting to be adopted. what state are you in?   I would recommend short term care for foster to start out- they are with you from 24 hours to 3 mo. max.

Answer 6

i have been a foster parent for 8 years and i was a foster child it is very hard to let them go but you know that they will always look you up when they get older. when children come into care it usually means abuse, neglect, you are showing those children that life does not have to be that way and giving them a choice on how to live you are showing love  caring not just to the child but the parents as well it all works out in the end

Answer 7

There are many many kids in foster care who are being overlooked by potential adopters

It's wonderful to see someone taking an interest in them at long last - good for you.  I think fostering would be a wonderfully rewarding thing for you to do