Can someone check punctuation in this short piece of writing?

Question

Ishmael had faced many challenges all throughout the story, them being, his name is Ishmael Lesuer and supposedly having ‘Ishmael Lesuer Syndrome’, James Scoobie leaving oversees before the debating finals and worst of all, the incident at the School Debate. He was able to overcome these challenges because he believed in himself and made true friends that cared about him! Ishmael learnt many things from James Scoobie that it’s not the person with the biggest muscles who wins a confrontation, yet it is the person with the biggest brain! James was a very loyal friend to Ishmael always sticking by him and helping him out as much as possible, by having his new friend James, Ishmael finally realised that he has to stick up for himself because your parents are going to be there your whole life to hold your hand. You need to grow up and be independent and not let other people push you around just because they are bigger and stronger then you.

Answer 1

Ishmael had faced many challenges all throughout the story:  his name is Ishmael Lesuer and supposedly having “Ishmael Lesuer Syndrome”; James Scoobie leaving oversees before the debating finals; and, worst of all, the incident at the school debate.  He was able to overcome these challenges because he believed in himself and made true friends that cared about him.  Ishmael learned many things from James Scoobie, one being that it is not the person with the biggest muscles who wins a confrontation but the person with the biggest brain.  James was a very loyal friend to Ishmael always sticking by him and helping him out as much as possible.  By having his new friend James, Ishmael finally realized that he has to stick up for himself because his parents are not going to be there his whole life to hold his hand.  He needed to grow up and be independent and not let other people push him around just because they are bigger and stronger than him.  

I made a few changes because you changed from talking about Ishmael to talking about yourself.  You should stick to one or the other throughout.

Answer 2

Ishmael faced many challenges throughout the story, these were or included: his name is Ishmael Lesuer and supposedly having ‘Ishmael Lesuer Syndrome’; James Scoobie leaving oversees before the debating finals and worst of all; the incident at the School Debate. He was able to overcome these challenges because he believed in himself and made true friends that cared about him. Ishmael learnt many things from James Scoobie: that it’s not the person with the biggest muscles who wins a confrontation, yet that it is the person with the biggest brain. James was a very loyal friend to Ishmael, always sticking by him and helping him out as much as possible. By having his new friend James, Ishmael finally realised that he has to stick up for himself because your parents aren’t going to be there your whole life to hold your hand. You need to grow up and be independent and not let other people push you around just because they are bigger and stronger then you.

the bit "were or included" is a suggested change i don't know which word you would prefer...i changed bits that sounded odd too hope this helps....lol i love grammar and punctuation...i don't know about the last sentence...it sounds a little personal but if you're writing a personal response that doesn't matter.