Can someone explain to me how this person's answer got 18 thumbs down?!?

Question

I'm an adoptee who has had a wonderful life to this point with no regrets about being adopted and no profound sense of loss some adoptees on this forum speak of. But that is MY experience & I realize that's certainly not everyone's. Everyone has the right to have their own opinions of adoptions - positive or negative - because they are usually based on their own personal experiences. Still, I was a bit surprised when I saw so many thumbs downs to the following answer given by someone:

" I think adoption is one of the best and selfless things a person could do for another human being. i would LOVE to adopt even if i could have my own kids. i would do both if i could!!"

The question had been about people's general view of adoption. I understand some people have had negative experiences as an adoptee but what would prompt people to give such a negative reaction to someone else's personal opinion! I thought thumbs down were for answers that were deemed extremely offensive.

Answer 1

The rude and ignorant are everywhere. Some people seem to think being tasteless and crass is cool. Civilized people can disagree.

Answer 2

Because there are at least 18 people who think adoption is not the best and selfless thing a person could do.

There are anti-adoption n***s all over the place.

**Sunny, by your reasoning then only unhappy parents are in the parenting section.  Unhappy teens in the adolescent section.  That is just about the stupidest argument I've ever seen.

So, you think your adoption was bad for you... Tell me, would you have been better off in an abusive home?  With family who called your mother wh*re and you b*stard?  Or with a mother who resented you for being in the way of her life?  Or with a drug addict?

To the rest... He is ENTITLED TO HIS OPINION.  You have no right, because you don't agree to give him thumbs down.  Not everyone believes as you do, and if you can't live with that and let them HAVE their OWN opinion then don't ever have kids.

Answer 3

The thumbs down aren't just for something that is offensive...truly offensive answers should be reported.

Thumbs down are supposed to be used to show that you don't think the answer is helpful.  Soooo, if you don't agree with the answer, you probably don't think it's helpful to the asker, right?  

Thumbs down isn't saying that you think that person shouldn't be allowed to give their opinion, it's just you don't think their opinion is the best way to look at situation...such as in the case with the answer you cited.

Also, you have to look at the opposite...why do people give thumbs up?  Generally, because they agree with the answer, right?  So if the thumbs up for agreement is appropriate, then the same should be true for thumbs down for disagreement.

Answer 4

Those who haven't walked in another person's shoes may not be as informed and act accordingly. Others don't have to be in the same shoes and can act compassionately without regret.

I applaud the response that person gave despite those who gave it thumbs down.

I agree, adoption shouldn't get such a bad rap or cause anyone on either side of the issue be made to feel "different" or otherwise.

I have 2 children who were lovingly adopted by families that can't have children. I've been reunited with one and waiting to meet the other one. To be the mother that has to make the decision to adopt isn't easy......there's so many emotions to deal with but it's the most selfless act of love there ever was.

Answer 5

Maybe they thumbs down because they disagree

There's nothing wrong with that

Answer 6

That's just some old "Yahoo! Answers" hatin'.  It happens to me sometimes, too.

Answer 7

I agree whole-heartedly with the sentiment of the person who posted that and I think that some people consider anyone whose ideas might be different from their own to be "extremely offensive." It's sad, but most of us aren't going to take other people's ignorance (or choice of ways to pass their lonely hours...) to heart. :)

Answer 8

I would have given this a thumbs down, too.  The reason is that saying this then places the adoptee in the position of being grateful for being 'rescued', and that the aparent has somehow sacrificed themselves for the adoptee.  Biological parents make sacrifices for their children, but they aren't constantly told how selfless and wonderful they are, this is just expected of them, right?  Why is it different for adoptive parents?  If those parents are truly the adoptee's 'real' parents, why are they being given all these accolades?  They're just doing what any parent should do.

So, my thumbs down would have been because I don't agree with this statement.  I don't think there's anything wrong with disagreeing, nor giving a thumbs down if you do.

Answer 9

There still someone around who's giving the thumbs down to a lot of good answers. Could be someone who was adopted by some bad parents. Or read stories about the days when kids were adopted just for the sake of cheap farm labor back in the early 1900's. There's a sad piece of history.

Answer 10

the "thumbs down", "deleted question/answer" behavior is a combination of 1) disagreement, 2) responses that lack context to the question, 3) questions that lack clarity, 4) questions that are inappropriate, 5) people who just don't like the person , et al.

what i find interesting is that many who use these features do so  rather passive-aggressively.

regarding the question with the thumbs down: many people who have no direct experience with adoption are usually not aware of the "not-so-good" experiences of adoption. people who are adoptees or birthmoms might have experiences that are contrary to those often promoted by society.  there is a great deal of coercion, loss and secrecy in adoption.  as such, many do not agree that it's a win/win/win for all.  and absolute statements such as the one you referenced tend to ignore and marginalize those whose experiences were less than perfect.

Answer 11

there is probably a bunch of people that like to give thumbs down and report people for the heck of it.

Answer 12

Um, it's just a thumbs down.  

No need to cry about it.

Answer 13

I didn't see this answer but I can tell you exactly why I would have given that answer a thumbs down.

"I think adoption is one of the best..."

I think adoption was the lowest point of my adult life.  I birthed an amazing child and because of lack of support, confidence and resources I left that child.  While everyone can slick that moment up by saying that I prepared by having loving parents hold him the moment he was born, I know my own truth.  I still left him.  This was not best.

"and selfless things a person could do for another human being"

It also is just as selfish a thing a person could do.  I really believed I could just pick up my life like I hadn't just birthed a child into this world.  I left my own child because of that selfishness.

"i would LOVE to adopt"

Taking someone else's child and creating that lifetime of loss and emotional heartbreak on is something I have no desire to do.  My effort is better served helping women keep their children and rising up to raising their babies.  I will not contribute to adoption loss again.

*******************

To sum my answer up, answers like this that oooze with how adoption is positive and the best offend my personal knowledge of adoption.

Answer 14

Pinknerd got the 18 thumbs down. No, she did not deserve this and was not given the right to say what her opinion is. I have the link below. There are 7 in there that I've blocked. I have found most if not all of these trolls have multiple accounts and user names. There are 10 of them on your post right now. This probably will enrage them to the point where I will end up getting 20-24 thumbs down. They can still vote even if the question is decided. In real life as well as most forums here and on the internet, thumbs down are reserved for "extremely offensive" answers, if anyone bothers to use them at all.

TMarie & Blue Star hit the nail on the head & I am one of many being targeted. They have falsely accused me of everything they are in fact doing.They are falsely reporting and calling out names and playing a points-game with the thumbs down, which are not "legal" concerning the rules and tos. They have multiple accounts. That's how there might be 6-7 anti-adoption n***s in here but the thumbs down will be double to triple that for those they hate and they will have double to triple thumbs up for their q&a's. I made a suggestion a month ago for them to move to the parenting section and this must have infuriated them. They live and breathe to stir things up, cause turmoil, and have everyone else in shock. I saw one of their posts to an answer 2 days ago that was asked to those who have adopted, not to adoptees. One told the others to report this person. This person asked a mere question. All they had to do was move on but no, they love harassing everyone else in here. Sure enough the question was removed. They believe that they are the only ones who have a right to this forum and one either joins their gang of trolls or they begin their harassment of the ones they want out of the forum altogether. They pretend to be innocent and sweetness and light, but just look at their scores, especially for themselves. Look at their contacts and "fans", look how often in the undecided votes, they vote for themselves and their answer has nothing to do with the question and you know that had the questioner had resolved the vote, they would never have been chosen. This is the group of anti-adoption trolls, even if though the majority of them deny and refuse to admit it. The rest of us are not allowed to give our views on adoption without being harassed, stalked, and called names. It's gotten very old. I think they are teenagers, too. How else could they spend so much time on here? I'm a mother and can only come in here a bit after my daughter leaves for school and after she goes to bed. What I know for a fact is they love doing this to anyone who is not a member of their terrorist cell. They give sickening answers to newbies and those who reply with straight forward answers. They get off to twisting others' words around, throwing several different non-associated items into their questions and all of their questions are rants and "reinterpreted" copy cat garbage, all with their expectation of hurting and confusing others.

It took me a couple of days when I joined to see what they are up to, before I ever posted. I can't count how many they have chased off this forum. They want this adoption forum all to themselves.

Answer 15

It doesn't surprise me.  There are a lot of people (on here and in real life) who just cannot comprehend how somebody could think differently to them.  Lol.  Watch and see how many thumbs down THAT gets!

Merry Christmas!

Answer 16

I don't know what the question was exactly, but I believe the statement made was very kind and good hearted!

Answer 17

Im not surprised by it . In fact I would guess that is was done by a roving band of fanatical pro-DEATH abortion fans who see adoption as a threat to their "rights" to commit infanticide or child sacrifice. This type of behavior(stalking on yahoo and thumbs down or reporting legitimate questions) is done all the time. Yahoo people know it, but they get their orders from the left here at yahoo so they go along with it. I just had another question of mine deleted because some yahoo crybaby was "offended".....the trouble is they are probably a bunch of 30 year old losers who still live down the hall from momma, and have never had to learn to wipe themselves...seems like the little death devils are still around, watch how many thumbs down I can get....

Answer 18

I agree with you! I think some people give thumbs down because they have nothing better to do. Look at all the thumbs down given in the answers to this question. I've yet to read anything that is offensive... so why so many thumbs down.

When I first started using Yahoo answers, I was getting thumbs down sometimes and I would take it too heart, I quickly learned that it's not personal and I usually tell myself that the person who did that is either immature or uneducated and simply doesn't know better! ;)

Answer 19

I don't really give thumbs except very rarely and would not have thumbed down this answer, but I would think it is stupid.

"I think adoption is one of the best and selfless things a person could do for another human being"  I totally disagree, I think adoption is quite selfish.  You are either walking out on your own child, hoping strangers will be nice to your child, or expecting another to assume the lifelong identity of your child, even though they are not.

"I would LOVE to adopt even if I could have my own kids"  reveals writer's prejudice for bio kids even if she adopts, acknowledges that adoption is ususally the last choice of those who cannot have a bio kid.

I would like to say, to each his or her own, but it doesn't really work that way in adoption, in adoption the life of an innocent child is forever altered.  People should really not be so flip and ignorant about it.

So , while I didn't give this answer a thumbs down, I can see why someone would want to, sounds like it was written by a perky 12 y.o. and maybe it was.

Answer 20

I agree with you. I think adoption is great! I have an adopted brother and three of my friends have adopted siblings. We haven't had any negative experiences and one day I would like to adopt too! My brother has made my parents, me and the rest of my family so happy. I think it's sad that so many people gave that answer a thumbs down. I can understand that people have different adoption experiences but I still think that its wonderful!

Answer 21

I'm like you--I was adopted and it was a positive experience for me. I guess I was naive, but I really didn't realize that there were so many anti-adoption people out there until I came to Yahoo Answers. It shocked me at first when I got thumbs-down for sharing my opinion, thoughts, and experience.

I once answered a question--the essence of it was, "Adoptees, would you rather have been aborted, stayed with your biological parents, or adopted?" Most people that said they would have rather been aborted than adopted got all the thumbs-up, while people like me who were happy with our adoptions got lots of thumbs-downs. And how can having respect for what my biological mother did for me offend anyone? Maybe I'm still naive about it but I really don't understand how people can be so upset because someone happened to have a good adoption experience.

Answer 22

Sadly there are many people in this category who feel that they are the only ones entitled to an opinion and anything that differs from that deserves a thumb down.  I've been told point-blank by many users that I receive thumbs down because of my "tagline" because it cites "miracle of adoption"; they may agree with my answer but because I use "miracle of adoption" they will automatically give me a thumbs down.  The truth is, that for us, we do truly believe our adoption story is a miracle.  Should it receive a thumbs down?  No.  But I've learned to accept it and move on.  The reality is that I am here to share MY experience and knowledge with others who are seeking that information.  I am not here to make friends or worry about what someone thinks about me personally.  If I can help one person with an answer that I provide, then that is the reason I'm here.

Thanks for the question!  I'm glad to see that there are people here for the same reasons I am.  

P.S.  Thought I would add this info that I found on Y!A Help with regards to the thumbs down feature:

"Give an answer a thumbs-down rating when you feel the answer is not helpful to the person who asked the question."

Notice that it doesn't say anything about disagreeing with the answer - only if it is not "helpful".  All legitimate answers are helpful - even if they don't agree with another's feelings because they offer a "full picture" of what can occur or both sides of the story.

Answer 23

It's unfortunate when an adoptee did not have a "good life" after being adopted.  That said:  I would dare to say that case for case, the adoptees who did have and are having a "good life"  far, far outweigh those that did not.  There's no guarantees in life.  Who's to say that anyone's biological children aren't going to pipe up and proclaim at some point in time that they had a "bad life"?  It saddens me to read the negative things that people have to say on here concerning adoption.  Being with the biological parent IS NOT always the best thing for a child.  In situations where the childs physical well being is at stake, where they're not being fed properly, living in squalor, or being abused in any way, shape or form - should a child continue living in those conditions with a biological parent?  I am a former foster parent, who ended up adopting three of our children.  I could give you details about our children's former lives that would curl your hair.  The parents were given chance after chance, unending services were provided, and still they chose to ignore it all, and lost their parental rights.  One of the mothers said that if DHHS just would leave her alone that they'd be ok.  This from a mother who brought her kids to a party, both still in diapers, and prostituted herself in another room.  This from a mother who continued to abuse drugs and alcohol.  This from a mother who thought it was perfectly fine to live with her kids in an apartment with no running water, no furniture, no lock on the door.  This from a mother who, in front of a DHHS worker, attempted to give her young daughter cough medicine by sitting on the child's chest, knees on her arms, and forcing her mouth open.  (She was not allowed to complete the act.)  This from a mother, who, when faced with the prospect of losing her kids told her worker that she didn't mind if she lost these two, because she'd just have more.  And she did, two more, but ended up losing those two also.

Those who are so negative about adoption need to open their eyes and see that there is another side to adoption.  Be adult enough to know that in many, many cases, it's the best thing for a child.  I've said it before:  if my children had not been removed from their biological moms, I truely believe that they would all be dead.

Answer 24

I don't see one thing in that statement that should warrant any thumbs down.

It's not offensive in the least!

Answer 25

Is there something I am missing about the thumbs?

Something someone is not telling me about?

Do you get an electric shock through your keyboard for every thumb down?  Do you lose money if you get thumbed down?

Because I don't.

Really, is there something I'm missing here?

It's a picture of a thumb.  As far as I know, it can't hurt you.  Really...it can't.

And FYI, the thumbs are there for the exact purpose that if someone disagrees, they can use them.  And if I disagree with an answer, that usually means I will not think it is helpful to the asker. So what's the problem?

If you reach level 2, you have thumb power and you can do with it what you want until Yahoo! tells you otherwise.  It is not a crime to thumb.

If it hurts that much to think that someone *GASP* has a different opinion then maybe a forum with thumbs is not the place to be.

Answer 26

probably because they are the focus of someone on here who has multiple accounts and doesnt like them. its petty, its stupid, and it happens all the time.

as evidenced by my own rating here.

Answer 27

Well, I didn't read that thread, answer it, or give any thumbs on it, so I'm not sure of the entire context except for what you stated here. But...

I can tell you that as a first mom (birth mom), I DO find that answer offensive, because it stereotypes us. Calling adopting one of the "best" things a person could do for another human being implies that adoptees were saved from some horrible life--saved from their birth parents. While that might be true in SOME cases, it is not true in many many cases. Had I chosen to raise my daughter, she would have been just fine--more than fine, actually, she would have been loved and cherished and cared for.

My daughters parents didn't commit a selfless wonderful act by adopting her. They adopted because they wanted to be parents. My daughter does not have a better life, just a different one. Period.

Implying that she was saved, that her being adopted was a wonderful thing for her, implies she would not have had a good life with me, her biological mom.

So it's offensive.

Answer 28

"Can someone explain to me how this person's answer got 18 thumbs down?!?"

18 people disagreed with the answer or felt the answer would not be helpful to the asker.

It's that simple.

As someone else pointed out, extremely offensive answers are to be reported.  Thumbs down are for what I stated above.

Answer 29

I'm surprised that happened.

Answer 30

I can't remember if I thumbed down that question - but on it's merits alone - I would have.

Reason - unless the person that states that adoption is all wonderful is an actual adoptee - I totally disagree with the sentiment.

The poster said -

"I think adoption is one of the best and selfless things a person could do for another human being."

The child is also a human being. All children should be given the right to live with their own biological family - if at all possible. If children can not live with that family - because of abuse etc - they should be entitled to their own identity (not have it changed and sealed forever in locked vaults - which happens in most adoptions in the USA) and they should be able to know their family of origin.

See the UN conventions of rights for children - which interestingly the USA has not signed off on - as the adoption agencies that make so much money from the American people - would look to lose too much of their money from dealing in babies.

http://www.unicef.org/crc/files/Rights_o...

Unless you have lived through being separated from one family - and given to a complete set of strangers - I personally believe that they could have NO idea what they're talking about.

And carrying on the myth that adoption is all wonderful and sunshine & roses - in my books - is cruel to all adoptees.

I think it's great that you're happy with your adoptee-ness.

That is your truth - you've lived it.

More power to you.

I - too often - have been told in my life to be grateful for not being aborted. I've been berated for wanting to search for my family of origin, and I have been denied for over 35 years my history and knowledge of the family I was born to.

Mostly these comments all come from complete strangers who know NOT A THING about the life I have lived.

Most non-adopted peeps surely would not have to go through what many adoptees would have to live with on a daily basis - even when they are grown adults.

It is comments such as the one given that perpetuate the myths of adoption - and I have seen far too many adoptees struggle with their own identity and self worth issues to encourage such comments.

If YOU had said it - and stated that you - as an adoptee - think that adoption is wonderful - I would have most likely left it alone. I wouldn't have given it a thumbs up - as I don't agree based on my life - but I wouldn't have given it a thumbs down - as it's your reality.

As Phil already said - the whole thumbs thing is not a personal attack on a person. In most cases - no one actually knows anyone else here - personally. It's and question and answer format. People ask questions - others can 'star' the question if they think it's a good question. People can answer - others can give it thumbs up or down depending if they agree - or not.

It's all about opinions - and as such - all can give them whichever way they like.

A question and answer format is going to be open to debate on various issues - and adoption just happens to be one of the most debated.

Answer 31

I think the answer got so many thumbs down because of the word "selfless."  Adoption is not a selfless act, and it is important to recognize this.  Someone who adopts has a real need.  Maybe they want to feel an attachment to another person. Perhaps they yearn to parent.  Just maybe they want to help those they consider less fortunate.  Wheatever the reason, they are fulfilling that need by adopting.

It is important to be honest in relationships, a parent-child relationship is no different.  If the parent is upfront that they are trying to fulfill their own internal needs too (and who isn't), the family will be all the better.  Otherwise, the adoptee is left to feel they are a charity case who has to be forever grateful to the savior.  No parent wants to create that feeling in their child.