Can someone explain to me why some people consider letting a baby "cry it out" abuse?

Question

I've noticed a few questions and answers on here involving this and how wide the variety of opinions are and I'd like to hear some opinions on why people think its so wrong? I've even seen some people go as far as to call is abusive.

Answer 1

By tending to their needs you are teaching them that you are there, that if he calls out to you, you'll be there. I read on a book called 'what every woman should know about men' that the 1st born in families are usually more detached, often with trust issues because as babies, their parents (being new ones) didn't know what baby needed so miss-read their cues. Because of this they learned that they have to provide for themselves because they can't trust others to do so... I don't know about you, but i want my son to be able to trust others, to be a confident man.

If i can do something to make that happen, i will. So i NEVER let him cry, he rarely does, he's gotten very good at letting me know what he needs without crying, just whining, rubbing his eyes, or looking for my breast ;)

God Bless

Answer 2

Yes. When a baby cries, that is it's only way of communicating with us.  Whether it is fear, or illness, or hunger, or thirst, or pain, or just plain boredom.  When we let them 'cry it out' it teaches the baby to distrust the world.  When we respond to their cries, it teaches them that they are/will be taken care of.

Answer 3

A baby should cry, just not for an hour and a half straight. If they're diapers change, they're fed, and held for a bit you can put them down to do 'you' time or chores, it's alright to let them cry. If you know they're hungry and your making th bottle, let them cry... it's all circumstance but not abuse, abuse is letting it go on and on and on with no attempt for longer than necessary.

Answer 4

Well... when I cry I get a head ache and end up in horrible pain. I dont like it when I end up crying myself to sleep... I feel S****y about it and never get a good sleep that way.

Why on earth would anyone want their child to go through this!?!?!?

I think its very neglectful to let your child cry themself to sleep... or until they vomit! All your baby wants is for you to comfort them and show them that everything is going to be ok. Why would any parent want to keep that from their child???

Answer 5

I have only let my son do this a few times. But it just depends on the situation. If you have done everything to try to get your baby to stop crying then thats all you can do. Sometimes the parent gets so frustrated that they want to shake the baby...WHICH IS WAY WORSE! thats abuse. So which do you prefer.......baby crying or baby dying or being abused badly.

Answer 6

Lets say your grandmother (or you) is in a nursing home.  She is no longer able to get out of bed on her own, has trouble even adjusting her own blankets never mind using a bed pan.  Its "nighttime" and she starts crying out for something, the nurse comes in and checks that her diaper is clean and walks away leaving her to cry out saying "there there dear its night time" and left her to be no matter how hard she screamed or for how long -and for 12 hours of night.  Would that be abuse?  Would you want your grandmother in that nursing home.

A baby has needs more acute than a seniors.  They REQUIRE physical contact in order to develop properly.  They are not able to regulate their own body temperature as well as an adult.  They can't tell you where they are hurting, if they are thirsty, if they have something poking them, had a bad dream, whatever.

Its never OK to ignore a child's needs, nor any person in your care that can not meet their needs independently.

Science Says: Excessive Crying Could Be Harmful to Babies

http://askdrsears.com/html/10/handout2.a...

Answer 7

i would never do it! mean lazy parents do that... my nephews wife just had a baby he is 3 days old ,, the mama is a drunk she lets the baby cry all day hes hungry while she sleeps she says its good for him.. i have called childrens services and fed the little guy .. still waiting for help..

Answer 8

Well how about I put you in a cage in the dark all alone while you're uncomfortable, scared, and often screaming to the point of throwing up . . . then we see what you feel like calling it.

Answer 9

Honestly, it is because people think that their way is the only way to do things.  I have heard from people who believe that co-sleeping is abusive because coddling the baby will stunt their emotional growth.  Many, many people think that their way is the only way, and everyone else is wrong.  The truth as I see it, having nannied, is that parents need to do whatever works for the parent and child.  Let's face it, if the kid will get to sleep, allowing the parents to grab some sleep, then that is what matters!  All of the babies I nannied turned out to be good people and excellent, confident students, no matter what their parents did to get them to learn to sleep at night.

My personal opinion, btw, is that I would not let a baby cry it out for more than ten minutes, because if the baby is still crying at that point I would think something else was wrong.  That is my personal opinion, though, and what I would do for my kid if I using CIO.  When I nannied, I did whatever the child's parents wanted me to do!

Answer 10

Well, personally I believe a baby cries for a reason. And until you find that reason they probably won't stop. My grandmother let my father cry for hours the night they brought him home from the hospital. I believe that is wrong. A baby doesn't know any better, its not like the baby sits there and thinks: I'm just going to cry to cry, they have a reason for crying! That I believe!  

Answer 11

I too have noticed it.  Some people are either for it, or VERY against it.

I personally don't see it as abuse.  If my daughter is tired and all she's doing is whining, crying and rubbing her eyes, then I put her in her crib.  Of course she cries. She's mad, she wanted to play, which I'd have no problem with if she were playing.  But she's not, she's sitting there crying and rubbing her eyes.  

If some parents feel  like carrying their child around while they cry and scream because they need a nap instead of just putting them down so they can learn how to fall asleep, then by all means, be my guest.  It's just not for me.  I think that I'd rather do more for my child, teach them how to comfort and sooth themselves to sleep.  That way they can fall asleep when I lay them down. They need to get the proper rest so they need so they can grow.    

I personally feel like it's more abusive to deprive them of much needed sleep.  You wouldn't stop feeding them food because they didn't go get it themselves would you?

**edit**

I would NEVER let my baby cry to the point that she vomits, nor would I ignore her cries in the middle of the night.  That would definitely be borderline abusive.  But I have been criticized on here just for letting her cry it out for naps, and I personally don't see anything wrong with it.  If I can see she needs the sleep, of course I'm going to put her down.  I'm not going to leave her to play and cry and throw fits, nor am I going to carry her around when all I know she is crying for is some sleep.  She has never cried more than 10 minutes before knocking out.

Answer 12

It's not abuse, if you don't "abuse" the cry it out method. I have let my daughter cry no longer than 10 minutes when she was a bit younger. I checked her diaper, she was fed, tried cuddling but sometimes it did not work. It is OK to take a few minutes to collect yourself and let baby be by herself/himself for a tiny bit. Don't let anyone say any different. It's not abuse. If they cry til they get sick or for hours on end, then THAT is abuse.

Answer 13

I don't think it's abusive, but I do think that babies cry for a certain reason (even if they just need some extra attention and time with mommy or daddy). If you ignore the baby (and I'm talking baby here, not toddler because I think toddlers cry for a whole different set of reasons), you're ignoring his or her needs. Crying is how babies communicate what they need. It's a parent's job to figure out what that need is.

Answer 14

I believe many people feel they are the 'protectors' of their little ones. They they feel they are supposed to surround their child with love and affection as opposed to something they feel is so 'traumatizing' to the child. Mainly, it depends on their comfort level with the situation.

I personally feel, if the child is in a happy healthy home, then the parenting styles don't matter. Whether they practice co sleeping, attachment parenting, or even the ferber method.. it makes no difference to me so long as a child is growing in a healthy and happy manner.

I didn't practice the cry it out mehtod with my son, and never co slept. And he's an amazing HAPPY and HEALTHY 6 yr old. It changed with my daughter. She was in my bed till she was 9 months old and I did a modified cry it out approach with her. Some people frowned upon that, but ultimately, she cried (actually, more so of a whine) for five to seven minutes (nothing excessive), and after a few days- she didn't make a peep.

She's HEALTHY.

She's obscenely HAPPY.

She's content and a THRIVING 12mo. old.

I feel people judge too quickly the things they may not agree with or don't understand. What works for one family, may not work for the next. Too many people are focused on Other's lives as opposed to their own...

Answer 15

Well, considering that the 'Ferber method' thinks it's ok to let your baby cry and scream until they vomit.

Yup, that IS abuse.

I'm not sure if you got the memo, but being a parent is a night time job, too! It's not just something you do during the day light hours; you can't expect to ignore your baby at night and then convince yourself it's ok to do this because some guy named 'Ferber' says it's ok to neglect your baby at night.

Answer 16

Little babies need the comfort of touch, and also they need to learn "trust". "trust" is taught by responding to the babies cries as closely to as soon as they begin to cry. So when you "let them cry it out", you are not really focusing on their needs, (comfort of touch, reassurance of trust) as much as you're focusing on your needs. (let him learn that when I put him down I'm expecting him to be quiet and settle down so that I can have peace and quiet to do "xyz" for myself.)

So demanding from an infant that he "learn" to figure out for himself that "it's time to settle for a nap" is seen as a form of abuse, to adults who feel it's important to put the babies needs first.