Can someone explain why I get like this during sexual situations?

Question

I am in my mid 20's have a pretty high s*x drive and some bad anxiety problems. When it comes to sexual situations with anyone I have ever been with, including my current fiance... I hide all feelings that I have. I never initiate s*x or sexual things even if I want to because I'm afraid of what the guy will think. Now it's gotten to the point where I feel like this guy has lost all feelings for me so if I'm not getting the attention I feel I should be I get quiet and upset. I get annoyed at the smallest little things and it's gotten so bad my fiance and I are drifting apart. We don't kiss as much anymore, hold hands as much, have s*x (but when we do it is amazing, don't get me wrong) My fiance and I constantly fight about this situation and he feels it's my issues that are making things the way they are... I believe this as well, I just don't know what to do. I'm thinking about therapy or something along those lines... I don't want to ruin what my fiance and I have. What can I do? Why am I getting so timid and to myself? I hate this so much! Help.

Answer 1

you fear rejection so you cant approach your bf for sexual attention and then go father by actually causing it not to happen. You need to convince yourself that its ok to want to be with him and that he wants to be with you. Stop fighting about it and just act on your feelings and show him the attention you feel and he needs to be more responsive to you. He cant be expected to keep approaching all the affection and you give none unless he does first...probably makes him wonder if you want him to...You can be timid if you are fighting about it so just direct the energy you use for fighting and feeling neglected into giving him the attention that will please you both. Good luck.

Answer 2

This may sound elementary, but just try to loosen up.  If you're in a situation where you feel you want to be intimate, just do the opposite of what you have been doing.

If you've got a mental block that doesn't allow you to do that, maybe it's time for therapy, but give it a try first.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Are you in any kind of stress from work, bills exec. I do understand where he is coming from though I have a very high s*x drive as well as a high affection but my husband and I have drifted apart as well being yes he is very stressed from work as well as we have children but you have to try and figure out how to make that time with each other because s*x as well as affection are a big part in a relationship and both of you need to feel it with each other...so take some time out try something new whether it be lotions & potions or new positions and for affections take walks together find something you both like that can bring you together laughing even if its take out old pictures of you to, to remember times together...good luck

Answer 4

Dear K. Please  please please? Print out this letter of your question, with my reply and give it to him . Now after you let him read it ,follow these instructions.Look him in the  eyes and say I am insecure about showing you how to express my emotions and cannot act on them ! If I  were to talk dirty , scream in enjoyment, or ask to do imaginative other acts would you be ok with it? Once the door is opened , you will find that a whole world will be found inside. PLUS IF HE HAS READ THIS. He is already aware of your plight! Nothing is dirty if you both agree to it. Remember

Answer 5

I dunno girl but I get the same way with certain ones. I am afraid to let it all out in fear of being judged. I dunno maybe its just some social thing embedded in our heads. Maybe you get annoyed because you want him to initiate the things you have in your mind so when he doesn't you get annoyed. He can't read your mind so maybe you should talk to him about how you feel insecure about your sexual feelings. Maybe him reassuring you that he loves and won't judge you will make you feel better. I am sure he would love to see the other side of you ;)

Answer 6

It seems like you have self esteem issues and maybe some obsessive disorder. This definitely leads to a lot of anxiety. That is the reason you keep thinking about what the guys might think. In your head you are probably thinking the guy is thinking "is this stupid and ugly ****** serious? she wants to have s*x, eww"

You know, something like that. You are obsessing over what the guy might think.

Don't worry what the guy thinks, just do it, especially since its your finance, he has a right to feel like he is the only one putting the offer on the table all the time.

Us guys usually don't care how you approach us about sexual things, if we are getting some action, we are happy.

Answer 7

Seek counseling because there has to be a reason why you are feeling like this and acting like that. Counseling can help you figure out why this is happening and give you the tools you need to fix it. It might not hurt to drag him along for a couple sessions too! Good luck i really hope that you can get things figured out.