Can someone give me words of wisdom for someone we will be confronting? (like an intervention)?

Question

We may be confronting a family member soon on his character flaws & how he really needs to change.

He has a low self esteem & so his pattern of denial is essential for him to not feel like scum. But that is why he keeps failing!

Does anyone have any good quotes about how looking at the ugly side of your self is the only we to get better?

Or that turning away from out dysfunctional patterns may be difficult but it is essential?

There are no drugs or alcohol involved.

I find it amazing a person can s***w up their life so much without drugs!

Question with more details & a link to more details.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Anbx1c41Dm2HZYYEAp9782vsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20080815094910AA5Wyd8

Answer 1

Confrontational interventions are not for amateurs, which you certainly must be to ask about them here.  Even a well-adjusted person could easily be driven to suicide by being ambushed by family and forced to listen to them talk about all the things they hate about the person.  

Look, divorce is a horrible experience because you are forced to face the fact that someone close to you is not the person you thought they were.  Doesn't it stand to reason that it would be even more traumatic to be forced to face the fact that you yourself are not the person you think you are?  

These mass confrontations are psychologically dangerous, and shouldn't be done without someone that knows what they are doing, unless you just don't give a d**n about your victim.

Go find someone that does this professionally.  

Answer 2

Get a "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous. Read the Chapter on " Helping Others". You do not have to be an Alcoholic to Benefit from their Program of Recovery! AA is just a Simple Design for Living a Happy Life Without having to get Loaded! Many people that are Non-Alcoholic could Benefit Greatly by following the Simple Steps that they Offer.

Answer 3

If I were ambushed, as you plan, I'd rebel so much, you'd wish that armageddon hate hit! Honestly, you are asking for trouble!

Why should you point out the 'ugly side' of this person? It is much better to point out the positives! You will crush him, especially as his self esteem low! That is called 'bullying'... and all you need do is look at some victims of bullying, or more specifically, their 'death certificates', to work out how successful this is!

Make him feel on top of the world for his achievements, no matter how slight!

Here are some inspirational poem's and tales, they work for me... but please also look at them yourself! I'm not twisting the blame, in fact I am not blaming at all, and you seem like a very loving, caring person, to worry so intensely for your relative.... but it can go soooo wrong if you knock this mans character any more....

=="Success -

To laugh often and much;

to win the respect of intelligent people

and the affection of children;

to earn the appreciation of honest critics

and endure the betrayal of false friends;

to appreciate beauty;

to find the best in others;

to leave the world a bit better,

whether by a healthy child, a garden patch,

or a redeemed social condition;

to know even one life has breathed easier....

....because you have lived;

this is to have succeeded."

*********************

the captain of my soul...

*****************************

"Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be,

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance,

I have not winced nor cried aloud:

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody but unbowed...

It matters not how strait the gait,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate;

I am the captain of my soul."

(William Ernest Henley, 1849-1903, from 'Invictus'

**********************

THE BUDDHA AND THE ABUSIVE STRANGER

**************************************...

A tale is told about the Buddha, Gautama (563-483BC), the Indian prince and spiritual leader whose teachings founded Buddhism. This short story illustrates that every one of us has the choice whether or not to take personal offence from another person's behaviour.

It is said that on an occasion when the Buddha was teaching a group of people, he found himself on the receiving end of a fierce outburst of abuse from a bystander, who was for some reason very angry.

The Buddha listened patiently while the stranger vented his rage, and then the Buddha said to the group and to the stranger, "If someone gives a gift to another person, who then chooses to decline it, tell me, who would then own the gift? The giver or the person who refuses to accept the gift?"

"The giver," said the group after a little thought. "Any fool can see that," added the angry stranger.

"Then it follows, does it not," said the Buddha, "Whenever a person tries to abuse us, or to unload their anger on us, we can each choose to decline or to accept the abuse; whether to make it ours or not. By our personal response to the abuse from another, we can choose who owns and keeps the bad feelings."