Can someone help edit my letter please (Revised)?

Question

Dear:

My name is BLANK. I am the president of Hispanic Community Organization for Life, Inc. I welcome you to my 2nd Annual MG Children & Elderly Festival of West 107th Street for Manhattan Valley. Your contribution is needed as I am asking for assistance in the amount of $2000.00 to successfully make this event a success.

I held this event last year on September 22, 2007 which helped unite the community to establish a sense of togetherness. The festival entails that people of all ages can illustrate to the people in the community to allow change. As the festival was design to target children, youths, adults and elderly so many people showed support and commitment by being in attendance. We all came together on that day and had a fun and enjoyable neighborhood and family day event.

I believe this event helps me lead by motivation to start a growing development of positive outcomes in my community. We are lacking structure programs, events and opportunities which I believe has played equal role in our community separation. I planned to start the paths that will help the neighborhood operate to elevate our community to restore peace.

We’ll appreciate and show our gratification for all your help and donation to the people in this community for our upcoming event. If there’s any additional information you may need, please feel free to contact me at BLANK

Answer 1

See revised letter below...

Dear:

My name is BLANK. I am the president of Hispanic Community Organization for Life, Inc. I would like to invite you to the 2nd Annual MG Children & Elderly Festival of West 107th Street for Manhattan Valley. Your contribution is needed, and a gift in the amount of $2000 would make this event a huge success.

This event was last held on September 22, 2007, and it helped unite the community to establish a sense of togetherness. The festival demonstrates how people of all ages can help foster change in the community. The festival is geared to all ages, and many people showed support and commitment by being in attendance. We all came together on that day and had a fun and enjoyable family neighborhood event.

I believe this event helps me lead by motivation to start a growing development of positive outcomes in my community. We are lacking structure programs, events and opportunities, which I believe has played equal roles in our community separation. I plan to start the paths that will help the neighborhood operate, and elevate our community to restore peace.

We'll appreciate and show our gratification for all your help and donation to the people in this community for our upcoming event. If there’s any additional information you may need, please feel free to contact me at BLANK

Answer 2

change design to designed.

change structure to structured.

Planned to plan

Otherwise not a bad letter.