Can someone help me cope? Please?

Question

Hi. I'm Emma, I'm 14 years old, and my dad is an alcoholic. We constantly get in fights, and I really used to believe he could change, but not so much anymore. My mom always has kind words and encouraging comments, telling me that "it will be alright" and "it's not my fault."

And I used to believe her. But lately, I've found that it's NOT going to get much better. That he's NOT going to change. And I constantly try to remind myself that his life and my life are two different things, and I shouldn't worry. But he really makes my home life h**l, and I don't want to come home much anymore because of him.

And I can't stay away for too long, because I've always been used to being very close to my mom, and she usually just stays home and puts up with it. But she's very strong, and I try to be, but he makes me feel so small and vulnerable, he's still my daddy.

Now, please don't judge me or my family. Just, please.

Does anyone have any advice for me? At all?

I just need someone to help me through this, we just got in the worst fight we've ever had.

Has anyone else ever had to go through this?

Answer 1

Unfortunately for you, your dad will not change until he is ready to change his drinking.

Have you ever tried calling allateen

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/alateen.h...

Answer 2

You can't do anything about what another person wants to do, as you've found out. That may be where the fighting is coming from. You have to let him be, even if he wants to be an alcoholic, as long as he's not abusing others. Show acceptance of who he is. That goes a long way toward making someone feel less defensive and less likely to want to argue. Work on yourself rather than on him and see if the relationship doesn't improve from there. Otherwise try to avoid him as much as possible by spending time with good friends, school activities, etc.

Answer 3

Emma,Sometimes the best way to sober your father up would be if you and your mother would threaten to leave him until he would get his act together.  I know this may sound severe,But something needs to set him straight.  It isn't your fault,Emma,And don't you ever give it a second's thought.  I am no judge here,Emma.  Everybody has problems in their family.  My family is no "Brady Bunch" either.  We have our problems but we get through them,And it makes us better because of it.  Why do you feel that your father drinks so much,If you don't mind me asking.  I don't mean to pry.  Everyone can change if they want to.  They just need to make themselves want to change.  And you,Girl,You'd be the best reason ever for that man to want to change.  Doesn't he understand how much this is hurting you?  I guess not if he continues to drink and acts the way he does.  You are his daughter,His precious angel.  And he wants to treat you this way?  Babe,I'd talk it over with your mother about leaving him.  If not for you and your mother,Do this for him.  You are right,He does need help.  And you've done more than you can right now.  The last resort would be leaving him behind.  I'm sorry for talking this way.  I am sure he doesn't mean to be this way.  He can be a good father.  Sometime fathers do this because they cannot handle their problems alone.  So they turn to the bottle,So to speak.  Everything will be alright,Hon.  And if you need someone to talk to,I'd be ever so honored to help out.  You try to have a goodnight and I hope to hear from you soon.  Bye for now.

Answer 4

Have not dealt with that specificly, however similar problems.  Having a parent with a problem like that, just know that you can love them with all your heart and still distance yourself from them a bit emotionally so they cant hurt you so much.  Some people dont change...there is nothing anyone else can do if they wont work to change themselfs.  That is not your fault.  There is nothing you can do to change him.  You just have to worry about taking care of yourself.  IF he is abusive, then that is a situation you and your mom should get out of.  Otherwise, talk to your mom and see if you could maybe see a therapist, or even talk to a couneler at school, just so you have a profecional to talk to  to help you cope with things.  Maybe try being very involved in school or other activities....sports, clubs, whatever interests you.  Will give you more chance to be away from the house and give you activities to keep your mind off other things.  Focus on doing what you need to to take care of you.  You cant change your dad.  You cant change your mom just staying home and taking it.  you can only change and take care of yourself.