Can someone help me explain this to my mother?

Question

My mother says that I have atittude problems or whatever you wanna call it. I'm 16 years old, and yes my attitude could be better but I'm trying. Lately she's been trying to throw me out to my Dad's house, and she has done that already. I came back on a "trial" ( how rediculous is that?) of a week to see if basically I can not p**s off my mom. She's basically threatening me with my future and I don't think its fair, how do most parents get around this situation? Just because she is divorced, doesnt mean she can throw me out to other people. She doesnt realize that RESPECT has to go both ways, she says its her way or the highway. I'm trying but she also has to try, any help?

Answer 1

LOL...thats where your wrong. She is your mother and with that alone she deserves your respect. If you were giving that to her then her attitude towards you would be different! Try growing up and stop acting like a child.  

Answer 2

Write down your feelings and give them to her - just like you did here - or print this question out and the answers and give them to her - let her know that you are really trying hard but she is hurting you too by threatening to make you leave all of the time.  You have to feel safe in your own home - secure - and right now you don't - and that's not fair either!  When someone reads something that is typically very emotional - it's much better sometimes than talking about it - because people are more logical when they are not arguing back and forth and instead are reading and concentrating on the words.  Good Luck to you!

Answer 3

DO you have an attitude problem?  Are you expecting to be treated "like an adult" while acting like a child?  Do you help out around the house, or do you expect your mother to do everything for you (without so much as a "thanks, Mom")?

More often than not when teens complain that their parents told them they have an attitude problem, it is because they DO have an attitude problem.  If you aren't sure why she thinks so, then sit down with her and have a heart-to-heart talk.  Tell her that you want to do better, but that you aren't exactly sure what your mother expects of you.  Ask her what you can do to help her out, since she is a single mother and has to handle all the responsibilities of raising a child on her own.  And when she tells you, make sure you really LISTEN!  Don't get defensive--just try to see it from her side, and do your best to be a helpful asset to her around the house, not a source of stress.

Answer 4

how bad IS your attitude?

ur mom is ur parent, therefore until ur 18 (take a breather, 'cause its only 2 years) u have to obey her by law, or she can have u arrested (i've seen it done)

i realize that ur mom isn't exactly the person u admire most right now

but maybe she's trying to help you

maybe ur attitude is worse than u realize

maybe she's too controlling

whatever it is, just know it could be a lot worse

have a talk with her, trying to compromise. no yelling, no fighting

just be cool (both of you)

u never know, it could be the one thing to make the situation better

Answer 5

Hate to brake it to you, but as long as you are under her roof, it IS her way or the highway. You really need to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. By putting you on 'trial' it sounds like she is trying to prepare you for the real world where nothing is sugar coated or handed out for free. If she didn't have respect for you than she wouldn't be stressing over your attitude problem. She is the mother and she is trying to establish control in her own house. You need to be more respectful to her and stop treating her like she is your peer. There is no equality between mother and child. You don't get the same privelages. You just think about that and be grateful that your mother cares. To be honest, doesn't sound like your trying at all.

Answer 6

ha!  I remember being a teenager.

RESPECT is EARNED.  She'll respect you when you act like you deserve it.

Your mother earned your respect by putting a roof over your head, paying your bills, and keeping you alive this long.  If that's not enough to earn your respect- you're an ungreatful little one.  Just wait until you have children of your own, you'll be apologizing to your mother for the way you treated her.

Answer 7

i think you should tell her what you just said...tht respect goes both ways and tht u both need to try...tell her tht ur trying but when she doesnt then u get an attitude because of the fact tht shes not trying...but when ur explaining all this try not to get to out of proportion or else she'll get defensive  

Answer 8

First off its her house so it is her rules. I think your mother is fed up with your attitude and is not going take any more of your smart mouthing and c**p. She has laid down the rules. It is your job to follow them. Life is not fair and she is entitled to do what she wishes in her

own house. She is not threatening you with 'your future; I think a

trial basis is a good idea. Time to grow up kiddo. In two years you can

get out of the house and get a job and your own place and then you

can make your own rules.  She is not 'throwing you to other people'

You went to live at your Dad's house which is perfectly normal when parents are divorced. You act as if she gave you away to a band of gypies who were passing by. I admire your mother for taking a stand and sticking to it. If only more parents would do so we would have

less problem children in the world.

Answer 9

Okay, yes respect is something that is earned (as a parent i have to say it isnt something you are entitled to) however you yourself said your attitude needs improving and that your trying, which is good...since this has obviously been going on for quite some time it is gonna take time for her to appreciate and notice your changing behavior. Trust is something that is earned as well and by the sound of both your relationships trust has been broken on both sides (you by your disrespect and bad behavior and her for sending you away) give each other some time to get accustomed to the changes in your relationship together. Patience is the key and sometimes you might have to be the mature one but its worth it for both of you.

Answer 10

suggest going to a family counselor. you are able to express your feelings and maybe your mom will better understand you and maybe except you for you

Answer 11

I don't think that its right that she throws you out, but you need to respect her no matter what because she is your mom. She doesn't have to earn your respect back, you have to earn her's back. Also it is her house so she is in charge and you do have to do what she says. Its only right, and if you don't like it you can move out when your 18 or you could try to live with your dad.

Answer 12

Hey man. I have the same problem. I'm thirteen and my mom thinks I have attitude problems. She is being mean to me and she is telling me to go live with my father. You need someone else to talk to her about it, she might not listen to you.

Answer 13

maybe she's crazy, or bi-polar. could it possibly be best for you to live with your dad or a close friend or relative??

If she's unhappy she doesn't need to be taking it out on you!

Answer 14

Not every child/teenager gets everything handed to them, so it's not really right to compare yourself to people who are unfortunately spoiled. While you may be responsible for some of your expenses, you're still not responsible for everything and that's something to be thankful for. Most people at your age have problems with their parents (I did), and it's because you're trying to establish your independence as you get closer to adulthood, and that's normal. But she is still your mother. Respect works both ways in adult relationships, but with a parent/child relationship, you, as the child, must show her respect first no matter how mad she makes you before she will show you the respect that you feel you deserve. Working on your attitude is a good start toward doing that. And even if you turn over a new leaf over night, it will take awhile of consistent behavior on your end before she will lighten up on you a little. No, it's not fair, but that's how adults work with their children, because it is their way or the highway. That doesn't mean she shouldn't reward you for good behavior or reward you with an appropriate privelege, but until you turn 18 or unless you become a ward of the court, mom and dad are the law. Continue to work on your attitude, and try your best to bite your lip if she says something that makes you angry. Try taking some quiet time to calm down; tell her that you don't think it's fair for her to threaten you and bounce you back and forth when you're making an effort to improve yourself and your relationship with her, and she's making it hard to do when she's coming down on you, even though you're trying your best to work it out. If she doesn't receive that well, then just continue to improve your behavior - she will notice the difference, and react accordingly.  

Answer 15

hmm.....Tell her that she shouldn't vent her frustration on you and say that you were sorry that you gave attitude.

About the respecting...since I'm asian. there IS NO respect for me. I have to respect ALL elders.

I'm not sure what to say about that. Sorry

Answer 16

confront her. tell her that it's not your fault that she's divorced and all that.

also tell her that all she does is blame other people for the s**t she's done and that because she's depressed she wants everyone around her to suffer the same way she is. tell her to grow up.

yesss, i know that's kinda what old people would say disrespectful but that's how i settle things between my mom and i. i'm 17 and she's practically the same as your mom and i can't stand her sometimes.

Answer 17

I've never read so may BS answers in my life... Kids can be obnoxious, I have 5 of em.. Any of my older kids (17, 21, and 22) know that if they can't add to the peaceful enjoyment of MY home and family that they are free to leave. I don't deserve mouthy bratty brats, I work to  hard for them. If you can't live in your mothers house peacefully and constructively she has every right to ask you to spread your "joy" at your dad's house for a while.

Answer 18

Well i'm going thru something similar (minus the whole "dad" "trial" and "threatning" Just try and be 'nice' around her and don't say anything you shouldn't say! If u try and be nice things will get better!

--and YES she has to earn your respect but since for parents it doesn't work that way you're gonna haveto do it the other way!

Answer 19

maybe you should talk to her by sitting down and telling her all your feelings...

Answer 20

I don't think it's right that she can just fob u off with other people

Answer 21

your mother has lost respect for you so you have to be the one to gain it back. your her child not another adult. she should have you stay with your dads a times too. since he is your parent as well. my sister mouths off to my mom a lot and i feel like if i was my mom for everytimes my sis talks back i would slap her mouth. you have to remember thats your mom. not another teen who you could get away with running your mouth.