Can someone help me find a skit for 2 people that is funny?

Question

ASAP Please!

Answer 1

check out SNL transcripts

Answer 2

Skit #1

Actor 1: (jumping on a Frisbee. She jumps, says, “21” and then jumps again and then says “21” again.  This is repeated over and over until Actor 2 enters the stage.

Actor 2:  What are you doing?

Actor 1:  (Jumps on Frisbee) 21 (jumps) 21.  I’m playing a game.

Actor 2:  What game? Can I play?

Actor 1:  (Jump) 21 I don’t know.  It’s pretty hard.  You may not be able to do it.  

Actor 2:  I can do it...just move.

Actor 1 sighs and moves aside.

Actor 2:  (Jump) 21?  (Looks toward Actor 1 to see if he’s doing it right.)

Actor 1:  NOPE...completely wrong.

Actor 2:  Let me try again (repeats the jump and then shouts”21”)

While Actor 2 is jumping and shouting “21”, Actor 1 pushes him through the air and he falls to the ground, apparently knocked out.  It’s best when Actor 1 pushes Actor 2 in mid-jump.  It makes him look like he’s flying farther and that Actor 1 is truly vicious.

Actor 1:  (Smiles, sighs, and begins to jump saying,) “22”

Skit #2

Gas station attendant: "Can I help you?"

Old man: "Fill 'er up."

Old Woman: (asks the old man) "What'd he say?"

Old Man: "He asked if he could help us."

Old Woman: "Tell him to fill 'er up."

Old Man: "I told him to fill it up."

Gas station attendant: "Where are you two headed?"

Old Man: "We're going to Disneyland."

Old Woman: "What'd he say?"

Old man: "He asked us where we're headed."

Old Woman: "Tell him we're going to Disneyland."

Old Man: (disgustingly) "I told him we're going to Disneyland!"

Gas station attendant: "Where are you two from?"

Old Man: "We're from Hudsonville."

Old Woman: "What'd he say?"

Old Man: (angrily) "He asked us where we're from!"

Old Woman: "Tell him we're from Hudsonville."

Old Man: (very angry) "I TOLD HIM WE'RE FROM HUDSONVILLE!"

Gas station attendant: "Hudsonville, I've been to Hudsonville before. The women there are DOG UGLY!"

Old Woman: "What'd he say?"

Old Man: (looks at the old woman, then at the gas station attendant, and then back to the old woman and says) "He said he's met you before!"

Skit #3

Boy 1: (Walks in listening to his iPod singing along…out loud. The goofier the song, the better. He gets to where the trashcan is located, and stops for a moment. He pulls out his gum and sticks it to the wall somewhere close to the trash can. Then he exits the scene.)

Boy 2: (Walks in from the same directions as Boy 1 and heads toward the trashcan. When he gets to where the gum is located, he notices that his shoe is untied. He bends over to tie his shoe, and when he goes to stand up, he places his hand on the wall, right where the chewing gum is.) Ahhh geez! Bubble gum! Yuck! (He then stoops over and begins to wipe his hand across the ground to rub it off on the sidewalk. When he frees himself from the gum, he leaves the stage.)

Boy 3: (Walks in from the same direction playing a hand held video game of some sort, not really watching where he is going. He steps in the gum on the ground and comes to a stop. He looks down and notices the gum.) I wish people who spit their gum on the sidewalk would all be abducted by aliens for the purpose of strange experiments! (He then takes the gum off of his shoe and puts it in the trashcan. Then he leaves.)

Boy 4: (Walks in from the same direction with a cup in his hand. As he approaches the trashcan, he takes one final, really long slurp from his drink, and then puts the empty cup in the trashcan. While doing so, he gets the gum on his hand.) Oh, dude, that is SO sick! This is somebody’s chewing gum…on my hand!! (He steps over to the wall and sticks the gum on the wall. He walks off shuddering in a grossed out manner.)

Boy 1: (Re-enters the scene from the opposite direction. He is now singing some other really silly song. He notices his chewing gum on the wall “right where he left it.” He reaches up to grab it and says…) Hey! There’s my gum. (He then pops it in his mouth and walks off the stage.)

Skit #4

Patient- DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I have an emergency!!

Doctor- What's wrong?! Calm down and just tell me what's wrong and I'll help you.

Patient- I have a hole in me

Doctor- Show me where.

Patient- Right here, (lifts shirt up to show belly button and points.)

Doctor- Um.... that's 100% normal. Just go home and rest.

       ~a little while later~

Patient- DOCTOR! DOCTOR!!! I have an emergency!!

Doctor- What is it this time?!

Patient- I only have four toes!!

Doctor- Ok just let me look at it.

Patient- (Lifts foot)

Doctor- Ok show me which one is missing.

Patient- Well let me see.... ok, one two three four fi- oh ok they're all here, what a relief!

Doctor- Yes yes, now please don't come back unless there's a REAL emergency.

Patient- (walks out)

       ~a little while later~

Patient- DOCTOR DOCTOR!!!

Doctor- Oh great what is it this time?????

Patient- This time it's a real emergency!!!

Doctor- Ok, tell me what's wrong.

Patient- I think I broke something.

Doctor- You mean a bone?  Did you break a bone?

Patient- Could be, I'm not sure.  But there's definitely a crack.

Doctor- Okay, where does it hurt?

Patient- It doesn't hurt so much, but I definitely see a crack.

Doctor- Let me see it.

Patient- Okay.. here's the crack. (starts to undo Belt, and turn around)

Doctor- Security!

Hope that helps you out.

also heres a link http://www.thesource4ym.com/skits/skit.a...