Can someone help me to revise and improve my English essay please!!!?

Question

Is there someone can help me to revise and improve my English essay please?

You can send the revision to my email, which is

[e-mail]

Here is my essay below.

http://www.badongo.com/file/10956671

Thank you so much!!!

Answer 1

I cannot see the essay,it says I have to download something.

Answer 2

dude

your mla format is awful

you merely summerize the story

and your concrete deatils need work

you ask questions

using the words I and Me

the essay is supposed to be formal

using those words is a no no

ok?

Besos

Erica