Can someone help me? trying to write a letter to my son that I gave up for adoption?

Question

Can someone help me? trying to write a letter to my son that I gave up for adoption?

Answer 1

I would start by saying SORRY, but we all have different circumstances, Good luck

Answer 2

well this is hard for me to say but i only just found out that my parents arn't my parents my mum wrote me a letter saying se is so sorry etc but my mum didn't explain why she dumped me so atleast explain that...

Answer 3

Well the only good letter is an honest letter, otherwise whats the point?

Tell your feelings and reasons, are you writing it to an adult you are trying to find or as a letter for a child to read when they get older? Whatever one it is you should still address it with honesty and feeling make it sincere and if you wish to have them contact you after, make that clear. Many adopted people WANT and NEED to know who they 'are' and where the come from, what their genetic history is. You never know what kind of relationship this letter could build. If you don't want to be contact though you should make that clear but give them important information so your child can have access to his family health and birth certificate.

Answer 4

Two things come immediately to mind for me.

One--don't push too much for a relationship, especially with a son.  Just say you 'hope' to know him better in the future.  Go easy.

Two--Say you're sorry!  I love my mother beyond what I can express here, and she has been VERY generous to me, my husband, and children.  It was absolutely not her 'choice' to give me up, she was a product of what was done in the US in the 1960s.  However, I would have really appreciated her telling me she was sorry that we had to be apart, that she lost the opportunity to raise me, and that I had to grow up as an adopted child in a closed system.

You might want to do some reading:

The Journey of the Adopted Self by Betty Jean Lifton

The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier

Lots of info & other links here as well:

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.com

Males are sorta tough.  Be patient.  I wish you much luck.

Answer 5

Good luck!!! I know it will be hard letter to write.

Answer 6

hmm....

what would I want to hear from my mother if she had written me first instead of me her first.....

I love you,

I've missed you

I'm sorry for any pain adoption and separation has caused you,

i want to be in your life

i have missed you every single day.

Answer 7

I would make it sweet and simple.  I loved you, gave you life, and gave you to people I thought would give you what you needed to make a good life, because I could not.  I sent you to them with fear for your safety and happiness and hope for a wonderful future for you.

I am here if you need or want to know me.

Then give him a way to contact you no matter how long passes in between.  Good luck.

Answer 8

Does this person know that you will be writing him?  It will depend on why you gave him up and how old he is now.  And if he is angry with you or wants to make amends.  Good luck.

Answer 9

You need to address the reason you gave him up.  And make sure he knows that it was nothing he done, or should feel bad about.  Also, let him know the names of his dad and grandparents.  If he does not want to meet with you, you should include medical info in the letter.

Answer 10

Is it a first contact letter? If so then I would say you are better off to leave out the really heavy details. Being contacted if you aren't searching can be so emotional, having everything laid out in front of you at first can be daunting.

I haven't written any letters to my son but I was reunited with my nmom online. Her first email back to me (I found her searching for me) was emotional but didn't go into the nitty gritty details of my adoption. It was mostly about how she never stopped loving me and thinking of me, facts about my family and questions about my life. I say go with what feels right for you but try to put yourself in your sons shoes as well.

Answer 11

i dont think we will be able to help alot. this is your personal time to share with him. but maybe a brief explaination would help. dont harp and drag out the same issue, just tell him what drove you to your decision.

if you feel it, tell him you love him. you always did. that the issues did not rest with him, they were yours.

maybe a little history of your life would be nice. where you have lived, what you do for a living. things like that. you have to be sensitive. you dont know how he will feel (hostile, angry, happy, etc..) just open your heart and let it flow. but i would try not to gush too much. i know that will be hard, but you dont want to overwhelm him.

whatever you write, good luck. i hope you are able to express yourself in the way you want.

Answer 12

from receiving letters from my birth mother i advise this.

dont go to mooshy, it will overwhelm him, it may even make him feel guilty.

Say why you gave him up, whether you love him (but dont say things like "i wish i still had you" "you are my proud son" etc because this is confusing to hear because you have been brought up to think someone else is your mother whether biologically or not. I remember writing a letter to my birth grandfather and writing dear grandfather was almost creepy because it felt so odd, the grandfather that i always knew was my adoptive grandfather and to call a man i hardly knew my grandfather was a bit weird (even though I wanted to meet him). Once I got a letter from my birth mother that said "I am your real mother and love you with all my heart and miss you" and even though I want to connect with her it almost made me feel a bit defensive. Just be a little careful about what you say that's all.

Tell him about your living arrangements your family etc also your career, what you do and maybe a little about his grandparents and do on.

Tell it story like.

He will cherish this letter for ever. He will keep it safe and read it again and again. Good luck i hope he writes back.

Answer 13

Being adopted myself i have always wondered why, do my biological parents think about me often and if they've ever wondered if i could be that face in the crowd? I know when I go out I see people and i think to myself wow could that be them? Tell your son the emotions you have and justify your reasoning's. I know I would love to hear from my biological mother and when i read that you wanted to write a letter it made me smile.

Answer 14

This is difficult because it's so personal. I would try and start by explaining why you chose to give him up for adoption and you still love him, think about him, and you wanted a better life for him that you couldn't provide at that moment. You have to speak from the heart. Being honest with him is best. I wish you all the best, this must be very difficult for you.

Answer 15

My big question was always WHY.  I just wanted to understand the reasons why bparents thought it was best to relinquish me for adoption.  If I could only have one questioned answered, that would be it.

On www.bastardnation.com there is a list of 30 Things Adoptees Wish They Knew.  That might be a list to look over and consider, at least a place to start.

I think you are brave for writing this letter.

Answer 16

Hard to answer this.  How old is he now?  Or are you writing a letter for him to read one day?

Best to tell him how much you LOVE him, that this is the hardest thing you have ever done or will ever do.  But you know it is for his best.  You want him to have a wonderful full life with a complete family.

Tell him you will remember him on his birthday every year, and pray for him always.

Good luck to you my dear, hope you have peace in your heart.  I BLESS you that you did NOT abort him, instead gave him life and a chance.  You are to be commended!