Can someone help me with my family? :[

Question

Okay, 14 and my aunt has been a crack addict for 20 years. I only found out that she has been doing drugs this long since last october. After her husband died about 3 years ago, life has been pretty hard for her. Her drug addiction became worse. She started stealing money from our family, and scamming insurance companies. Last october, my aunts new boyfriend threatened to kill my father. My dad became furious, and refuses to see my aunt. He knows what cracks addicts are like, and so do i, and he does not want to have anything to do with her. This whole situation has really torn my family apart because the rest of my family acts like nothing is wrong and they continue to have her over during family parties, but my dad doesn't want to see her because he thinks its wrong that they are basically enabling her. They think that we can make it through this because we are family, but they are wrong. Its been so difficult not seeing my huge family all the time. My dad is also a police officer, by the way. Anyway, I don't know what to do because basically we are all against each other? It doesn't matter what kind of advice you give me, just please help :[

Answer 1

hi,

You have had a lot to go through, shame, loss, and conflict.

I feel as though you have had enough of this family conflict, and you are not being heard.

No one is listening to how you are feeling.

I fancy you are raging because you havent been heard.

many families sit at home witj a dead elephant on the floor, and totally ignore it.

It must be difficult having to put up with all this conflict.

I hope you learn to cope with this situation.

Answer 2

I will give you help.  The kind of help you MUST ADOPT if you are to stop being a victim, and start being a survivor.

Your Aunt is the problem...and to pander to her needs, only enables her poor behavior.  

In addition, your Dad is right-on to stay away from anyone who threatens to kill him.  When people get that angry to make such a threat, it is increasingly possible that they would actually do it.   This is reality of the situation.

It is foolish and dangerous, to hope and pray the threat is not real and possible.

It is totally foolish also for anyone to believe that they can be "the instrument" to FIX your Aunt and her problem.

SHE is the only one that can take herself into treatment and help...if it would ever be forced on her, then it would have NO effect.

AND as long as the family pander to her, and accepts her WITH her problem, the longer she will have the problem...she has no reason to get clean and stay clean.

In fact, they're enabling does make it much easier for her to stay in her problem, and not seek help to recover.

You could ask your Dad to invite your cousins or other to visit at your house individually, not as a group...and that would give your Aunt no excuse for inviting herself.  

In this way, you can see your family, but not at times she'd be around or invited.  The family that is visiting can bring a dish, so the expense would not all be on your parents.

Or you could create an outing just for you and the cousins.

Bowling, Zoo, day at the Park, fishing, camping, etc.

Don't allow your Aunt to have so much control as her presence tears the family apart.  There are ways around this.

ONE MORE BONUS:  I had the same thing in my family.  After I took my own advice above, and made the visits individual...and flatly refused to communicate with the family member that hurt me...

in her interactions with the other family members, one at a time she hurt or alienated them too over time.  

She did do the family harm, but in the end, she hurt herself the most.  No one will talk to her now, except one nephew.

And I predict in time, he'll see the light as well.

Don't feel too bad.  It is said, there's one in every family.

Just accept what is, and don't be foolish to try to fix it...

instead work around it.

^j^

Answer 3

Well your dad being a cop knows she wont change he should actually call the police in that jurisdiction to remove her from the premises and take her to a drug rehab clinic under order of the court. He can do that and then your family would be semi whole minus the aunt. Just keep in mind your dad is trying to protect you its not good for your family to act like there is no problem and your dad should of done something by now.But i wish you the best of luck darlin

Answer 4

You sound miserable...! Families big and small all have their problems, when you are older you will look back on this and wonder what all the fuss was about.  You really have to look after yourself as that is all that matters at the moment. I can't comment on your aunt as it is her life after all, shame she has to drag everyone else into her current misery.

Answer 5

I am not a big fan of Dr Phil, but once I saw a show where a lady phoned in with a similar problem with her son. He was addicted to meth, stealing from her and creating a dangerous environment for them.

Dr Phil advised her to call the police anonymously and report her son - the lady was shocked and upset but Dr Phil's reasoning was it is better for the drug addict to be in the system, get drug rehab (even if its by default because they're incarcerated) and have to stay sober because of drug court etc than to just do nothing and watch them slowly kill themselves. Your Dad as a cop may be conflicted because he loves your aunt but has a sense of duty to uphold.

14 years old is very young to be dealing with this. I would recommend speaking with a pastor at church or a school counselor who can help you emotionally & spiritually during this time. Good luck!

Answer 6

You are really stuck in the cross-fire here... and unfortunately, you don't have the power to "make things better".  I know it's hard, but you can't lose yourself in "fixing" other people.

You just have to love each person and know that they have to find their own way through this.  Your dad is hurt because he feels betrayed by family and then the fact that other family members would choose not to see what's happening only adds insult to his injury.  Your aunt and her "baggage" will make life hard for everyone but at some point, I hope that she will be able to "see the light" and that each of you will be able to forgive each other.

Just remember that this isn't your fault and do your best to give everyone the time/space they need to work through this.

Good Luck.

Answer 7

get your aunt into rehab!!!!asap! that crack is real bad and it shortens your life drasticly!!  

Answer 8

talk   to  somebody

Answer 9

You need to listen to your Dad.  I know it's difficult to feel estranged from your family, but as long as they are enabling her they are the ones in the wrong.  I have a sister who has had a drug problem for many, many years and I was the pariah of the family because I refused to allow my children anywhere near her.  My mother continually enabled her, bailing her out, making excuses, etc so I limited our contact with her as well.  My priority, as is your Dad's, was to my children.  My sister is now 58 years old and is (supposedly) clean but on disability for her prior addiction and "mental" problems.  The only difference that I can see is that my tax money is now paying for her to get legal drugs.  

Answer 10

Don't pull away from your aunt. This is the time she needs you the most. When times like this come around you should really try to help her. Check her into rehab or get her into a daily if not weekly program where she can get better if you pull away from her she will only get worse. If she was really you aunt you would help her. SHE NEEDS YOU NOW MORE THEN ANYTHING

Answer 11

Well probably your dad doesn't want to see your aunt because hes scared, not much of scared of her, but scared of the fact thats shes on crack & all that.

I think you need to help your aunt.

Get back in place & order.

Your dad also needs to learn to take it in.

Take in the fact of the problems with your aunt,

& HELP HER!