Can someone please Grade my Practice SAT essay and leave some comments on what to improve. that would be great

Question

Memories are importance to us and can help us to succeed. Depending on the memory, it can either help us or hinder us. As there are memorable memories and those that we want to forget. But to learn from the past, we must need our memories which hold our past.

Everything we do is affected by our memory, the way we tie our shoes, the way we run, and also the way we think. Of course memories help people; I’ve never seen an amnesia person know who their family members are. We learn from our past of how we succeeded in tying a shoe lace together. Learning is part of recording what we learned in our memory to use it for later. No matter how bad the memory is, we will still learn from it.

We might try to repress their memory in hopes of forgetting the pain they felt from it or an embarrassment. But from those memories we learn not to do such actions that make us embarrassed or feel pain again. It is this that helps us succeed.

Thanks please criticize like the SAT. Thanks : )

Answer 1

Memories are importance (should be 'are important' or 'have importance') to us and can help us to succeed. Depending on the memory, it can either help us or hinder us. As there are memorable memories ('memorable memories' is redundant - should be 'pleasant memories') and those that we want to forget. But to learn from the past, we must need our memories which hold our past. (This whole last sentence is poorly worded.  Did you mean 'we need our memories to hold us to our past' ?)

Everything we do is affected by our memory, (you are about to make a list, so the comma should be a colon - 'our memory:') the way we tie our shoes, the way we run, and also the way we think. Of course memories help people; (semicolon should be period.) I’ve never seen an amnesia ('amnesia person' should be 'amnesiatic') person know who their family members are. (You should avoid using your personal experiences and stick to known facts.) We learn from our past of (this 'of' is not needed - should be 'we learn from our past how we') how we succeeded ('when we succeeded') in tying a shoe lace together. Learning is part of recording what we learned in our memory to use it for later. No matter how bad the memory is, we will still learn from it.

We might try to repress their ('we might try to repress our' or 'people may try to repress their') memory in hopes of forgetting the pain they felt from it ('a painful memory') or an embarrassment. But from those memories we learn not to do such actions that make us embarrassed or feel pain again. It is this that helps us succeed.

Not too bad.  I never had to write an SAT essay, so I'm not sure what they are looking for.  One thing to do before you call your essay done, is to read it to yourself, try to imagine you are someone else reading it, and see if it makes sense.

Also, you should try to re-arrange your sentences and paragraphs so that similar ideas are grouped together.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Okay, so I won't scrutinize every single detail of your essay, but here's some advice.

1. SAT people are looking for your standard intro, three body paragraphs and conclusion essay.

2. You need examples! They love literary examples, historical examples, examples from news (but watch out, don't include stuff that's too controversial like politics), or real-life examples (see advice #3) and you need 3 examples.

3. NO PERSONAL PRONOUNS

4. SAT people <3 big words.

You need a thesis and you need to prove your thesis. Sound confident and that usually helps a lot.

I don't know what your prompt was, that would help greatly if you had that.

Keep in mind, two people grade your essay, and they aren't geniuses or anything- just english teachers or something. They spend like 2 minutes reading your essay, and they have a checklist which they make sure you follow the criteria.

With practice, you will improve! Good luck.

Answer 3

It is difficult to give a fully objective assessment because you have not given the question. A 3 paragraph answer usually lacks depth and quality. You need to correct grammar and structure weaknesses. Read it out loud to yourself and some of the basic errors will be obvious.