Can someone please give me advice on my three year old daughter?

Question

I don't know what to do with her anymore. I have done all I can. She is highly distructive (tears apart books, takes apart toys, peels the paint off doors and walls, ect) she is majorly hyper (doesn't sit still for a second), doesn't listen (constantly have to tell her to stop doing something several times, while she is loving to her 7 month old baby sister she is constantly "on top" of her some time literally.

I work days, her daddy works night just because we can't afford sitters or day care.

Answer 1

Have you spoken with your dr? She may be ADHD.

Answer 2

get her tested for ADHD

Answer 3

She sounds pretty inquisitive.  I had four babies they were always a handful at the age of 3, yet they were wonderful at 2.  Does she get outside and run, sounds like she has a lot of energy to burn off.  Taking apart the toys sounds like she wants to see how they work and peeling paint and picking it, just another way of finding out what it is and what is underneath.

Definitely be patient with her, I don't think she is trying to be destructive.  Have a talk with your pediatrician and get his best advise.

Answer 4

i used to be like that, don't spank as much cos it incourages some tto be violent but do what my parents did..... if she is always waking up in the night annoying you or what you have said, challenge her by giving her puzzles, and i mean hard ones, my mum gave me uni puzzles when i was younger ....... and it took ages but cos i was cleaver i  finished them...... anyway that should help

Answer 5

she just wants attention. Maybe you should look into your local Gymnastics gym for kids.... or karate or something  

Answer 6

Well, she's only had 7 months to adjust to her new baby sister. Perhaps some of her behavior is in retaliation because she is no longer the youngest. I'm not sure what you have done to help your daughter transition between being the baby & being the oldest, but perhaps it wasn't enough or she still hasn't had enough time to get it through her head & come to grips with things.

***Added Info:

My advice, don't have anymore children until your financial situation changes. If your backyard is a 'ditch' I think you could qualify for state aid...it sounds like you're under-the average income making Americans.

Learn to drive ASAP. It's just good for yourself & your own confidence. Then, you'll be like an adult, and able to get the children around to doctors appointments, grocery shopping, etc. etc.

Call DSS and ask them if they know of low-cost daycare providers, or, of women's childcare cooperatives. Sometimes single mothers, working mothers, or just mothers who want their kids to be with other mothers and kids (not in a center), have co-op type situations for taking care of kids. They use schedules and share taking turns taking care of the children, or, they will charge ridiculously low rates ($3 an hour, etc) for taking care of children (b/c they understand the economic stress and strain).

And have you spoke to your family about your problems? What about neighbors nearby - do they have small children any of them? Talk to them about babysitters or what they are doing to get by.

Your daughter is acting the way she is because of her environment. Your second child will be the same soon. Unless you do something to put order into your life, you're not going to see your daughter change.

Children will act strangely when they are no longer the youngest. Because they are trying to get your attention - either positive or negative - it doesn't matter, it's just about attention.

Do you make her feel useful? By this I mean, do you give her age appropriate tasks? She seems bored - tearing things up, writing on walls, not listening, rough-housing her baby sister. Do you give her little chores or helpful tasks? Do you give her something to be responsible for (it doesn't have to be big & granted you will be supervising her while she does anything but she will feel important if she has something to do that she thinks is a 'big person' task, maybe making sure the dog or cat has water, or brushing the dog or cat, just making her feel like she is contributing to the family & that she is making some kind of difference, if you react well to her in these situations she will want to act more gentle & attentive & cooperative b/c she will see that this is what you like and you give her good attention for it).

STOP accomodating her with a "happy" ringtone. Punishment is punishment, not an option, not a compromise, no. Put the cellphone on a simple ringtone - if you put her in time out w/ a pre-chosen ringtone, she could be acting bad just to see you play with the cellphone & so she can pick her new favorite ring! Kids are fascinated by technology, and they are excellent manipulators, she could be manipulating you into putting her into timeout, just so she can play with the cellphone (either directly or indirectly). With that said, you have taken punishment & turned it into a game & entertainment.

Spanking is ineffective. "Dont hit" you tell your child when she kicks, bites, or hits another child, but then you turn around and do the same thing? What does that teach a child? So it's okay for YOU to hit, but not her? I know parents get desperate and frustrated, but you're only teaching hypocrisy.

If an adult hits another adult it's considered battery. If an adult hits a child it's considered discipline? Wrong.

You need to talk to your pediatrician about getting your daughter tested for ADD/ADHD, Autism spectrum disorders, etc. She may have a disability that is causing her to act this way. Your pediatrician will reccomend counselors, daycare providers, and therapists (who you can go to, or who can come into your home) to help with your child. Even DSS has programs where the state will pay for your child to get assistance.

If you don't have her in a daycare, it might be wise to do so. Even if you only send her for part of the day or a few hours. It would be good for her - she'd learn how to listen to other adults, perhaps get the therapy she is needing (lots of daycares have occupational therapists) and she'd learn how to socialize appropriately with other children. And, best of all, you'd get a break - and it seems like you need one.

You're always working and you can't afford daycare. What does your husband do during the day to keep her disciplined? He needs to be part of this team too, since it seems like it's only one of you with her at a time. Sounds like she could just be attention starved.

Oh and her crying at a drop of the hat, well, depending on your parenting skills (if you are all discipline or constantly spanking and/or yelling- then it'd be understandable to have her crying all the time). If you speak quietly it makes her listen. Think about it, if someone is nagging at you & yelling, you aren't going to listen very hard to what they have to say. BUT, as soon as someone gets upset with you and starts mumbling, you're a h**l of a lot more attentive (what'd you say?!)

And kids, they know when to turn on the waterworks & when the waterworks will benefit them most. So, sometimes, those are just crocodile tears.

Answer 7

maybe she has ADHD go get her tesdted.

Answer 8

maybe some extracurricular activity like a sport that requires lots of running. some parents try karate or gymnastics. get her a treadmill and when she needs to burn off some extra energy put her it. and I know your hours are crazy but probably one of the reasons she is wild is the lack of a routine or schedule.

challenging puzzles would be good and just encourage her to keep working at them if she likes puzzles. she needs to learn that she must work at things and not give up so easily so she needs to do things that are just a little hard.

I know that a good energy burner would be a little trampoline for her to jump on and get her some hands on activities like shaving cream for hand painting and finger paints and other things like that so she has something to do during the day other than find things for to keep herself occupied which is obviously destructive.

good luck with this!

Answer 9

Does she have a VERY regular schedule? Kids really do well when they know what is coming next. I recommend you literally wirte down a daily schedule for her and both of you should try to follow it as closely as possible.

Also, how much outside running and playing does she do?

I would consider seeing if you qualify for assistance with daycare. I found a great one and they've taught my son so much. Just be sure and do your research. Kids her age really benefit from being around other kids, even if it is only for a few hours a day.

Answer 10

It sounds like you and your husband are good parents who are trying to raise your daughter correctly..I would cut sugar totally out of her diet, make sure she is on a routine, keep up with the time outs, and make an appointment with her pediatrician for a full physical with blood work to rule out anything going on with her system. I am a mother of three my two older kids were angels when they were that age but the baby was a mess..just remember that they do grow up and out of their bad behavior as long as they have a firm foundation and it sounds like your baby does.

Answer 11

She needs a routine and schedule. This worked for my older son. (We both worked retail jobs and had similar problems.)  Drop something, something needs to be sacrificed, and make it work. Kids always come first. She needs consistency and reliance. She is acting out because she does not have that. Discipline must be a united front and as parents must provide some sort of routine for her that both of you can follow at any given time.

if she is tearing something up, take it away. She will not get a new one or be redirected with something else. She is old enough to learn that if something is destroyed, it will not come back. If she gets up and does the same thing after a time out, give her another time out. Set up rules and follow through with them if you can not sacrifice work schedules or anything, then you need to take your partner and create a united front to make it work. Also, there is no need to fight with her! She is 3, you are the boss, you need to show her that. Ignore her cries when they are just "fighting cries"