Can someone please grade this SAT Essay? (1 out of 6) Thanks!?

Question

Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.

Often we see people who persist in trying to achieve a particular goal, even when all the evidence indicates that they will be unlikely to achieve it. When they succeed, we consider them courageous for having overcome impossible obstacles. But when they fail, we think of them as headstrong, foolhardy, and bent on self-destruction. To many people, great effort is only worthwhile when it results in success.

Adapted from Gilbert Brim, "Ambition"

Assignment:

Is the effort involved in pursuing any goal valuable, even if the goal is not reached? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

Answer 1

I would give this essay a 4. Try to give examples from literature and history rather than personal experience. The African art example is a good one.

Overall, your writing needs to be more formal and less repetition. You say the same thing over and over in different ways. Pick the best one and use it. Lose the others. Once you pick the best way to say it, back it up with examples rather than repeating yourself.

Your grammar and composition skills are strong, but you need to take a formal, factual approach to the essay. Less of yourself, more of the facts. It also looks too long to me.