Can someone please help me get this off my mind?

Question

I don't exactly remember the date but it was in June of this year. My sons father asked me to go down to greenfield to do a DNA test on my son. Let me introduce you to some detail; I dated my sons father for about a year and two months, in 2005-2006. Everything was going well until I made pretty messed up decisions that hurt us both. I don't mean by cheating or lying, none of that. I was in the border line of failing high school. I took another year for senior year, which made my sons father upset, but in the long run he seemed OK with me doing that, until summer school; where everything changed between us. He appeared so distant, tempted to argue with me, and always made me feel like every time I tried fixing a problem, he would push me away. I knew something was wrong with him. Now, I'm not the type of person, when is in a relationship; jumps into assumptions or becomes skeptic. But for some reason, my heart told me to figure out before I got hurt. He came over to my house one night, to do a job in San Jose. The morning after he jumped in the shower, and my heart says to go through his phone. So I do, and I see the evidence that I needed to confront him, her phone number, I memorized it. I wasn't sure what to do, I kept going over and over in my mind what I knew was best to do, for myself. That same morning, I kept quiet what I saw. We drove off to work (at that time I had a job, too), I was quiet the whole time, he kept asking what was wrong with me, I said nothing to him. So we went along our ways, until in the evening where we met again. I told him he had to go home because he had to go to school the following day. That same night, though, I called his ex-girlfriend, who is the one he was seeing behind my back. I didn't know where to start, the first thing I asked was if she wanted him to keep him, but to leave me alone. I didn't want to be hurt more than I already was. She denied seeing him. we went back and forth going stupid on each other and calling each other names. I called my sons father and told him that I couldn't go on with this. He didn't seem surprised. Any who, the whole point is that, he cheated on me but he wanted to make it seem like I messed up in our relationship because I made stupid decisions regarding to school. He made me feel like I was worthless and ignorant. In result to all this, he didn't want to be with me, he impregnated me and made me suffer. He insisted I should get an abortion, he promised we would work things out and I believed it but then I figured out what his plan was. throughout this time, his ex-gf (today) and i had conflict getting along, we would message each other, basically talking ****. it made such a drama scene that made my sons father hate me. all i wanted from it was to know what went thorugh his mind when he left me. what made him leave me? what did i do wrong. why couldn't he just be a man and told me personally and not wait after i was pregnant, where the situation gets worse. any who, We met when I was four months pregnant. I showed to his house and told his parents I was expecting. They were upset but excited. Later on when I was 6 months, he impregnated his girlfriend.. I was very disappointed at the fact that he neglected my child and made it seem like he is not his. I am lucky enough to have met him through his cousin, which has part of his family on my side. That's not the point, the point is that, the day I went to get the DNA test done, I felt so weak. I wanted to burst down into tears and throw myself to him and ask him why he did this to me. Throughout these years, I have become a stronger person. He made me cry and suffer but I have realized that “what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger”. I'm still here to this day and I still question his action for neglecting us. There have been times where I have decided to give up and take my life. But I take a look at my son and say, “if he doesn't care for us, why should I beat myself, wondering why he hasn't came back? I'm positive he's his father, why should I let a DNA test prove me or him and everyone else, what I'm sure about?”. I wanted to really give in that day, but just looking at my son to his eyes, made me a better person, because not only did I keep my life but I gave my little one his life, and gratitude to his father.

but till this day i cry at night and feel so sad that at times I JUST WANT TO GIVE IN!!!

PLEASE HELP ME!

i am so sorry for those who thinks this is real long but its the only way i would get a good answer, if put in enough detail.

Answer 1

although i might not have gone throught what you did i think you should try to forget about him and start thinking a lot more about your son. while reading i felt sorry for you but just keep on getting stronger and try tho think of happy things

Answer 2

God this sounds really bad, i can onlt imagine what youre going through. Personally i would just forget about him, but then again he should be in your babys life as his/hers father. Its a cheek he is asking you for a DNA test when He is the one who cheated but maybe you should just do it because when it shows that he is the father you will have ammo to prove that he was the one that ruiend your relationship. As for him the fact he practacly made you finish with him because of your choice of schooling is unreal that is your edgication and the more edgication you get the better. he should be happy for you not stopping you.