Can someone please proof read my paragraph?

Question

Here is the paragraph that needs to be proof read:

What do we have a right to expect from others?

Domestic partners mention how a serious relationship should take in order to maintain full commitment. When it comes down to getting serious they back down, both women and men. For example, the man, he makes the promise of always taking her out to eat, dance, take a walk to the park and buy her things. Sure there are times when there should be outgoings, fun and games but I believe a committed relationship is not just spending money on each other for material stuff. Both have to be fully grown, capable of taking care of their own bills and not depending on their parents, and probably already moved out. They should know what they want out of life and know what is best for their future. To know that they will not have to depend on each other when one is need of something. To be prepared for challenges in this competent world. Always have in mind that by playing the game you have to know how to play in result of less fouls. Finally they will both know if they are ready for a full committed relationship.

here are the questions that need to be answered:

What is the topic sentence? Does it accurately state the main idea of the paragraph? write down what you believe to be the paragraph's main point.

Do the examples include adequately supportrt the topic sentence? Does the author need to add examples or further develop those already include?

Does the author use any transitions words or phrases to introduce the examples? If not, suggest one or two words or phrases that would be appropriate.

Does the paragraph end abruptly, or has the author included a concluding statement that sums things up for the reader?

sorry it's so long. i missed the day it needed to be proof read and i need to turn this in tomorrow. i appreciate your help.

Answer 1

I'll offer corrections that are both for language as well as style:

What rights do we have to expect from others?

Domestic partners are concerned about how a serious relationship should progress in order to maintain full commitment. When it comes to getting serious, both women and men back down. For example, the man may make promises of taking her out to eat, to dance, or for a walk in the park and to buy her things. Sure, there are times when there should be outings and fun and games, but I believe a committed relationship is more than just spending money on each other. Both need to be fully mature, capable of taking care of their own expenses and not dependent on their parents. They should know what they want out of life and know what is best for their future. To understand this, they should not have to depend on each other financially.  They should be prepared for challenges in this complex world. They should always have in mind that when you play the game, you have to know how to play by the rules. By considering all of this, they will both know if they are ready for a fully committed relationship.

Topic sentence:

What does it take to achieve a fully committed relationship?

The paraghraph's main point:

Both individuals must be fully mature and self-reliant before entering the relationship.

The examples support the topic sentence.

Transition words or phrases:

"For example" and "By considering all of this"

Paragraph ends in a summary sentence.

Answer 2

I have rewritten anything that is grammatically incorrect, however there are some content issues. Sentence 2, " the man makes a promise...", in the opening question you ask "What do we have a right to expect..." then you go on to state that couples should do more than just have fun, however what does his promise have to do with your expectations? Do you have the right to expect the promise be kept, if so is it an expectation of honesty or an expectation of him understanding the value of shared experiences? Or do you have the right to expect him not to make promises to do things that are superficial and unimportant? Sentence 2 is never clearly explained in relation to the topic. I suggest a sentence between 2 and 3 connecting 2 to 1 and 3. The content of sentence 8 is difficult to understand, since I could not figure out what you are trying to say I couldn't edit it.The entire paragraph talks about what makes a committed relationship, and where each party needs to be in their life to make such a commitment. But what does that have to do with their expectations? You define what is needed for the relationship, it might work if you ask; if one party has all the qualities discussed (financial independence, plan for the future, willingness to make a full commitment, ect..) do they have right to expect the same from their partner? Remember, however you write this you need to discuss how their expectations figure into the relationship and do they have a right to expect certain things from their partner? Either way here are the grammatical errors fixed.

Sentence 1-indent the first word. Domestic partners must both believe a relationship needs to be taken seriously in order to maintain a lasting commitment.

Sentence 2- For example, the male promises to take his partner out to eat, go dancing, take walks to the park, and buy her tokens of affection.

More than any other I have problems with this sentence. How does the female feel about his promise, are her expectations being met, is the promise kept,? It seems to be implied that the promise is superficial, bearing little to do with the actual work of the relationship. But please clear that up.



Sentence 3- Of course there are times when a couple should go out for fun. ( once again you seem to be saying his promise was empty, as it did not have any bearing on the important issues of the relationship. How does that tie into their expectations of each other?)  Shared experiences and activities are an important part of a committed relationship, but I believe that spending money on each other for material things is only one small part of that relationship.

Sentence 4- ....taking care of their own responsibilities without needing to depend on others for financial help.

Sentence 6- It is important for each partner to know that they will not have to depend on the other in order to meet their financial needs. ( It was a sentence fragment, so is the next sentence.)

Sentence 7- Each partner must be competent in meeting the challenges in their life to attempt the challenges the relationship will bring.

Sentence 8- ?

Sentence 9- If both partners are complete and self sufficient on their own then they will know if they are ready to commit to the relationship.

All the grammatical mistakes are corrected. The paragraph is good, the opening question is good, but the paragraph doesn't answer the question.  

Answer 3

I am not sure if your question is (can) someone proof read it or you wanted someone to proof read it cause I am sure someone will probably answer you with a Yes i can proof read it for you but am not going to.

There seems to be this hate towards helping people do homework over the Internet which i don't understand why...

As for your question, Have you tried to use Word? Go to Tools > Options > Spelling and Gramma and then > Check the Show Readability statistics

This will show you the flow of reading your assignment, as for spelling just use spell check. I am sorry but i can't proof read it for you, I have as much problems as you do in reading.