Question:

Can someone please put some sense to this situation? ?

by Guest60293  |  earlier

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I've got a strange situation, that started back when I was 15, met my first love-high school sweetheart, which we were together until I was 21. My career choice involved extensive traveling to various states, sometimes going out of the country and so we saw each other when we could, until the age of 24. My career was very important to me and did not place me living in my home town. He moved with me, but wanted to go back home. Distance got the best of the relationship and at age of 26, I heard he was married. So I kept working, moving on, dated here and there, came close to getting married-but I chose not to--for good reasons. In the meantime, throughout the years, and very sporadically, we would have short sightings of one another-without saying anything-but there was a feeling there. I had moved back home for a short period and he knocked on my door one day. I did not open the door, cause the obvious was to risky and he was married, so he called after he left. I was the age of 30 this time around and the conversation was brief. We talked a bit and then he wanted to see me, in which I would not do, and knew the attraction was still there for both of us. Shortly after that, I changed careers, starting my own business, which is easily found by directory and one day, out of the blue, he called. I was 36, just turning 37 at this point and we talked several times a day, for three weeks--until he wanted to see me, then I ended the conversations--he was still married. He really got upset, saying I was his soul mate and he does not know why he got married. No matter what, and as hard as it was, I stuck to my beliefs and we stopped talking. Well, I am almost 41 now, and he called me four weeks ago, saying he was separated. So, I've been talking to him, for about a month now, one conversation was over three hours long. We live a good over nine hours apart and he is wanting to fly down to see me. To this day, he's the only person who I find myself not being able to control my emotions with. I am strong enough to handle the phone conversations, because of the distance, but seeing him in person, I'm full of a mix of emotions, excitement, nervousness, should I or should I not. When he called me out of the blue, I had to sit down, cause my knees went weak, my heart beat hard and it was something that is uncontrollable. For the life of me, I can’t figure out how I can still feel this way, after so many years have past. Just does not make sense or maybe another could make sense to it all.

In my life, I steer away from seeing someone separated, cause I just don't want to get mixed up in something so risky and that is just my thing. With this situation, I have much more invested and am on edge, because I honestly don’t know what to do, which is not the norm for myself. I always know what I want to do or how to figure it out. I have the feeling that no matter what decision I make, I know it will be a darn if I do or darn if I don't. This has my head spinning and so I keep my social life as active as possible--while running the business and I’ve planned a short trip to get away for a bit, just doing my thing, trying to keep my feet on the ground, while figuring out what I should do with this.

Sorry so long and thanks for reading. Any helpful answers will be greatly appreciated.

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5 ANSWERS


  1. I had a similar situation with a high school sweetheart.  He was separated and we began seeing each other as friends.  In the end he went back to his wife "because of the children" and I was left once again to mend a broken heart.  I suggest you keep a distance until he is divorced and truly knows what he wants.  Periodic telephone conversations to catch up are great, but anything more may lead to disaster.  And don't forget, you are not teenagers anymore.  You both have grown and changed and what you long for may no longer exist.  Take things slow each step of the way and you will be fine.  Good luck!


  2. Wow! I think you'll always wonder what would have happened if you don't see him. After all this time I 'd say the two of you deserve some time together to figure things out.

  3. Honestly you have the power in this situation which is probably why you're confused as to what to do.  If you're curious about him, you should have him come see you but under the agreement that nothing is to happen between you two.  You're just old friends trying to catch up after so many years of not talking.  Then when he does show up, if he does under those conditions, figure it out for yourself what you want to do about him.  You may find this guy is not what you had thought all these years...but could still make a great friend.  If he has high hopes and gets let down...that's his problem.  You can control the situation, but you cannot control how he's going to feel or react.  But at least you can satisfy yourself and keep things on even ground by making his visit a mutual agreement to be "friends" if anything.

  4. I can feel it just from reading that you still have strong feelings for this  guy. I think you should go for it and give him another chance. He said he made a mistake of leaving you and nobody is perfect. Obviously he is still in your life for a reason. And you clearly have feelings for him and you should just see him and see how it is in person again. You guys seem really into each other, my advice is to go for it. If it doesn't work you guys can always leave each other again. That was a little harsh but you two need a wake up call, you are in love :]

  5. Well I'd say it is a true love after all of this time.. did u ever marry and have kids? Im not sure if I'd not wait to make sure he's totally free of his present relationship cause you never could be to careful.. best of luck whatever u decide to do

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