Can someone please tell me a funny joke?

Question

Can someone please tell me a funny joke?

Answer 1

    Pepper

   A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.

Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose, and then shuddered violently. Are you OK?"

"I'm sorry if I disturbed you; I have a very rare medical condition. Whenever I sneeze, I have an o****m. The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. I have never heard of that condition before," he said. "Are you taking anything for it?

The woman nodded. "Pepper."  

Answer 2

An elderly couple is attending Mass.

About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent f**t; what do you think I should do?'

He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'

Answer 3

I know it's long, but just read it, it really IS funny! :-D

Way back when Germany was seperated into North and South Germany by the Berlin wall, a Canadian soldier named John Roberts was sent to Germany to be on boarder patrol. Everyday he'd stand on the North side of the wall and keep track of those who were alowed to pass through, etc. etc.. One day, about a year into him working there, it was just nearing the end of his shift when he saw someone coming over a hill towards him. As the person got closer he could tell it was a man on a bicycle with a huge sack with him. John was immediately suspicious of the man and waited for him to make his way to the boarder. When the man reached John, John asked him for his passport and other papers. The man's papers were all in order, so John said, "Sir, I have to ask you, what is in your sack?"

The man said "There is nothing in it but sand."

John was still suspicious so he said, "I'm sorry sir, but I'm going to have to search your bag."

The man handed the bag over to John, who searched every corner of it for a good 15 minutes, finding nothing but sand. John, though still wary of the man, had no choice but to let him pass.

A few weeks later, John was still thinking about the man, when, near the end of his shift, just around sunset, he saw the man on the bicycle coming down the hill again. Once again John asked the man to show him his papers and passport, and once again everything was in order. Just like the first day, John asked the man, "Sir, what are you carrying in your bag?"

Again the man answered, "There is nothing but sand in my bag." and once again he let John thoroughly check every part of the bag, but still John found only sand and let the man through to South Germany.

John was still stunned when a week later, just near the end of his shift, the man on the bicycle showed up again. They went through their routine, and still John found nothing but sand in the man's bag, and let him pass.

Soon the man was coming every few days, then every single day. Each day John would search the man's bag, and each day he found nothing but sand.

This went on for a couple years, until John had only one shift left on boarder patrol until he was able to go home to Canada to his family. On his last day, near the end of his shift, the man on the bicycle showed up once again.

This time, John rushed through their daily routine, and asked the man, "Please sir, I have to know: What have you been doing everyday? What are you taking across the boarder?"

The man shook his head and said, "No, I'm sorry, I can't tell you."

John begged him, "Please sir, I won't tell a soul. This is my last day here before I return home to Canada. Why are you taking sand to South Germany? Your secret will be safe with me forever, please sir, I must know!"

The man looked all around, but there was nobody to be seen anywhere. He opened his mouth as to tell John, then snapped it shut and shook his head.

"Please," John asked.

The man looked around one more time and said, "Fine. I'm not smuggling sand. I'm smuggling bicycles!"

Ahaha!

I heard that one at camp and thought it was HILARIOUS!!

Adele

Answer 4

A guy walks into an acting scene for a movie job,he gets called in and says, Ive got an act ,the bloke said what sort of act he says a singing act,so he says show me,the bloke bends over and s***s all over his desk,he said why ja do that 4 ?

He replies I was just clearing my throat.

A c**p joke for a c**p Question,boom boom

Answer 5

Why doesn't Mexico have an olympic team?

'Cause anyone who can run, jump, or swim is already over the border!

I'm not racist... just a funny joke I heard from a friend!

Answer 6

Why cant you play uno with a mexican?