Can someone proof read my introductory paragraph and tell me if it makes sense?

Question

its for the book "black boy" by richard wright

Literary Response to Black Boy:

In life we are faced with difficult situations and we have the choice to fight for what we believe in or simply keep our heads down and ignore what was said and smile as chose to keep if it did not affect us. There are consequences for either action that is chosen. By trying to stand up for what we believe in we could be pushed to the floor and forced to believe what the people around us think is right and if we choose to keep our heads down the feeling that we feel is just the same as being pushed to floor since you choose to ignore what you believe is wrong. In “Black Boy” by Richard Wright, Richard has to face these obstacles on a daily basis. He grew up at a time where colored people were not allowed to speak their mind and if they did the consequences were either beating’s that could leave them badly hurt or in some cases an inch from death.

Answer 1

The first three sentences need work.  They are too long.  As my professor once told me, "Too many words".  The second sentence you don't need.  In the third sentence your rambling.  Your doing fine though the content is good all you need is a little editing.  

Answer 2

Sounds pretty good but the first sentence is a bit of a run-off sentence.

Answer 3

My edits:

In life, humans are faced with difficult situations; we, as people, have the choice to either fight for our beliefs or ignore the affront, continuing along with our happy lives.  For each choice there are consequences.  If we stand up for our beliefs we could be penalized.  If we ignore the affront we may feel just as helpless as one who attempts to stand up for his beliefs and is unsuccessful.  In "Black Boy", by Richard Wright, Richard faces these obstacles every day and must choose how to handle them.

Include the growing up last sentence as a separate paragraph.

Answer 4

In life we are faced with difficult situations. (make this 2 sentences) We have the choice to fight for what we believe in or simply keep our heads down and ignore what was said and smile as chose to keep if it did not affect us. (that last line seems to be missing a word or two)

There are consequences for either action that is chosen. By trying to stand up for what we believe in, (comma) we could be pushed to the floor and forced to believe what the people around us think is right. (end the sentence) And if we choose to keep our heads down, (comma) the feeling that we feel is just the same as being pushed to floor since you (I would use "we" not "you" for consistency) choose to ignore what you (we not you for consistency) believe is wrong. In “Black Boy” by Richard Wright, Richard has to face these obstacles on a daily basis. He grew up at a time where (I would say when) colored people (should you use the term colored people? maybe try people of color?) were not allowed to speak their mind. (New sentence) And if they did, (comma) the consequences were beating’s that could leave them either (put the word either here) badly hurt or in some cases, (comma) an inch from death.

Very minor changes that I think make it easier to read. Very nice job on the essay.

Answer 5

HOw about:

In life, we are often faced with difficult situations:  we have to choose to fight for what we believe or simply keep our heads down and ignore what is said, and smile and pretend it does not affect us.  There are consequences for whichever way we choose.  If we stand up for what we believe in, we could be ridiculed or even threatened and coerced to change our mind to that of the majority.  If we choose to ignore our beliefs we let the majority rule and decide what is right.

     In "Black Boy" by Richard Wright ...... (the rest looks good, but I would place it in a second paragraph.)

   I hope this gives you something to think about.  Best wishes with your report.

Answer 6

Until you get to the introduction of the book, it's really choppy and hard to follow. your sentences are extreme run-ons. "smile as chose to keep" makes no sense at all. cut it shorter and try not to be repetitive in the same sentence. "if we choose to keep our heads down we feel as if we are being pushed to the floor." you already acknowledged that you ignored your beliefs so you don't need to repeat it. Some of the "ands" you put in can be taken out and make new sentences instead. otherwise it's good on content but not good with structure and fluidity.