Question:

Can someone read the story i wrote and tell me if you would buy it?[inside]?

by  |  earlier

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just a start of something that will be a four book saga this is book 1's beginning...

shelbyanne’s : HIGH school years

hi, my name is shelbyanne Mcbride but you can call me shelby , shells, shelly, shellers , or just plain shelbyanne. I basicaly refer to myself as shellshellanne but thats between you and i. Kinda dorky hunh ? Well thats me your ever dorky , ever goofy, optimistic shelbyanne. Different people call me different things with twist to my name depending who you are , I always hated being called anne its just sooo plain and kinda weeeeell...old. My grandma Debra use to always call me Anne Girl which I would make acceptions for because it was my grandma and somehow always seemed coming from her adorable hehe. Unfortunately grandma Debra passed away a year ago and joined god in heaven ,though granpa Ron would say nowadays "im free of the devil satan himself! My Shelly!" I know he didnt mean it , because at the funeral , at the sight of my grandma in a coffin before walking up to it he paused with a scared sorta kinda shockey look on his face I guess ? Then he dropped on his back flat on the floor.He started some over the top exaggerating yelling going through a roller coaster of calm speaking then getting louder. "im having a heartattack, im having a heart attack , im haaaaving a HEARTATTACK!!! oh god im dying , OH GOD IM DYING!!" then he started speaking in toungue. While everyone tended to him in a crowd i was already at the coffin with my hand on my grandmas hand while looking back at grandpa a manly man so dramactic with my dad kneeling next to him trying to console grandpa Ron ,then i snuck out a quiet giggle "hehe" Reading alot of scary books kept me so calm around my grandmas dead body, so death didnt really scare me too much."oh grandma Debra may she rest in heaven " " Shells? Who the h**l are you talking to?" I jumped out of my daydream."uhh nobody mom." "Well stop sitting on that bed daydreaming and get into that bathroom and get ready for school!, do we need to put you in therapy again Shelbyanne Mcbride" " No mom" My mom always got my outspoken thoughts to myself looking up at the nothing grinning mixed up with her thinking im talking to myself like a crazy person. " oh, mom" " thats it im calling Doctor.Conners and your Gonna stop this!" "No! im about to get ready for school i promise,Geez" She's just crank in the morning without her smokes.

So im 15 years old starting high school today, my b-day just past a month ago August 15th so im getting older , boo hoo. Getting older is okay i guess ? HAha, you will always hear me speak with kinda or i guess alot because im always unsure of myself too.I never been that way until I knew I was starting High School. I think in the kidergarden I was me the most probably the cool kid , then in junior high I continued being me but not so much of a cool kid but just hardworking friendly , easy going shellshellanne. This year im starting school really not knowing who I am? Any suggestions ? I got looks right ?

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3 ANSWERS


  1.      You go on far too long about your name.  You must learn to write dialogue correctly.  Indeed, you must learn to write correctly.  I'm sorry, but the whole thing's rather a mess.  Less slang and more concentration on good English.  Get hold of a book on English grammar and study it.

    Good luck

    Mike B  


  2. No, definitely not. You just babble on, sorry.

  3. I personally wouldn't be in the market for this book, but I think it would have an audience for the teen audience.

    All books need some sort of editing before they go onto the market.  I think with some practice, you could be professional grade, if you wanted to.

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