Can someone score this SAT essay?

Question

Assignment:

Does fame bring happiness, or are people who are not famous more likely to be happy?

Each individual seems to immerse themselves to the idea that gaining attention leads to happiness. However this assumption can be proven wrong in various incidents. Through gaining stardom or winning an abundance of money, in the end the result transforms to anything but happiness.

Take for example the well known singer and songwriter Britney Spears. From a very young age she has managed to adapt herself into the world of fame and glamour. As years swayed along the way, Britney began to slip into situations leading to bad choices while still maintaining fame. As of today, many regard Britney in a more negative perspective while initially she is searching for an escape route.

In contrast to they celebrity world, another example which displayers unhappiness through fame is winning the lottery. At the moment a man is acknowledged that he has won the lottery, the only thing on his

Answer 1

Hey!

Your writing is definetely above average. However, just because you used Britney Spears as your example I would have to give you a 7, which is an average score. But if you used someone perhaps like marie curie, who is the scientist who died due to intense radiation from her research on DNA, or someone who is renown in the realm of a respectable field, then I would give you a 10/11. However, I'm just me and not collegeboard so don't take my word. Also, if you had neat handwriting your scores could be drastically higher. (:

Answer 2

I would say a 5, it was good but of course you can improve. I know that I didn't know this when I first took the essay portion but you can use personal experiences so your paper can be writen from a first-person POV which would really help me. Typically the official scores of the SAT essays like to see 2 things: #1: an actual outside reference (Britney Spears in this case) and #2: a personal experience (like, for example, if you got a big holiday bonus from work but then you wasted your money on something stupid).

Also the official scores aren't looking for your standard 5 paragraph essay here, they're only looking for 3 at the least, preferably 4 because they know that you only had 25 minutes to write it and it even says on the College Board's site that the essay is only expected to be a rough draft and not a final copy. So all said it should be rather easy to get 2 6's on your essay, just replace the man who won the lottery with a personal experience (and clean up some minor spelling and grammar errors) and you should be set.

Answer 3

It would probably get a 2, to be perfectly honest. I don't think you really proved that fame does not bring happiness. Just because the American public does not really like Britney Spears, doesn't mean she isn't happy. And the man winning the lottery is not a very good example because it's not a true story, it's just a hypothetical situation filled with generalizations. Sure, some people who win the lottery end up losing it, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they are unhappy. If I were writing the essay, I would take the stance that happiness doesn't result from fame or lack of fame, but that happiness can only be judged on a person to person bases. Just like you can't say an entire race is unhappy, you can't say that wealthy and famous people are unhappy. Keep working on it though, good luck.