Can someone tell me about black girls? ?

Question

Hello,

I've had some trouble maintaining my friendships with two black girls. Both are young women, from working-class background, in pursuit of a college degree. I am a dorky white g*y male. LOL. My first black female friend at college- let's call her "Dea". Dea and I were inseperable, then she started hanging out with a bad crowd. I was polite to one of her friends who I didn't like, and I would tell her how I didn't like him, which understandably made her angry. She started hanging around with people who did a ton of drugs and that made ME angry and I told her we couldn't be friends if she kept that up. I was bluffing because I wanted her to tell me whether or not she was doing drugs. She called my bluff. I was sad, but moved on. Looking back, whenever I tried to do something nice for her, she reacted with hostility and would say things like, "OH I DON'T NEED A MAN!" etc. My other black friend, let's call her "Martha".. "Martha" was a very nice girl. We were getting along fine until she started having problems. She became distant and I immediately wanted to know what was the matter. I didn't really respect her space.. but I was concerned. I really cared about her.

She exploded and said that I was "clingy" and had made her "uncomfortable".

I really loved both Martha and Dea as friends. In both cases, issues of control were involved. I butted in where I was not wanted. They didn't like that and kicked me out of their lives. That's their right. But I miss them both. And I really DO CARE! The reason I butted in like that was because I care and didn't want them to get hurt.. they didn't seem to understand.

This pattern has repeated itself, not just with Martha and Dea, but with many many black girls I've known. Now I am really looking for answers from black women.. it seems like the girls I met acted confused and hostile when I took an interest in them. Maybe I'm just a loser, tell me that if you want, but it seems like black women don't know what they want and are insecure. Am I wrong? Are there some serious cultural signals getting crossed here? I only want to understand.

Answer 1

Do you believe that all Black women know how Black women work. Like we all have a secret behavior manual we memorize and live by so that when something goes wrong there is always one specific answer that explains our actions. If you wanted to know why the girls stopped being your friend you need to ask them, I have never been around them...how are we supposed to know?

Answer 2

Hello there, I am a young black woman and I think that you are completely wrong about us. I am far from insecure and I know what I want. Maybe it was just the girls that you met. Don't get me wrong though, black girls can be very feisty and hostile. No you are not a loser. You can be my friend.

Answer 3

First of all Mr. Fancy Pants, it doesn't matter that your friends are black or not. This could have happened between you and some white friends, hispanic friends or g*y friends.You can't judge all black girls by the black ones you have known in your life. That, my friend, is called stereotyping and it is not acceptable. I am black (obvs) and would appreciate if one of my friends took it upon themselves to look out for me and tell me if they thought I was on the wrong track. I am sooo not hostile and insecure. I have a great group of friends who are all interracially different and first and foremost, I seriously think you need to get out of the racist mindframe and find some new friends regaurdless of skin color or whatever you catergorize them by.